If you really want to impress somebody, remember their name after you meet them. It's important, you know, to concentrate on somebody's name and then try to repeat it several times in the conversation, "Yes, George. It's nice to meet you, George, and say hi to your family, George." Because, see, there's nothing someone would rather hear than their own name. And they'll just think you're something really special if you can remember that name, because names are really important to people.
Okay, I wish I had all the time in the world to get to places I need to go. Usually, that's just not possible. I'm moving pretty fast - sometimes too fast. Recently, I was on the verge of being late, and I was driving in a very unfamiliar place. You probably know the feeling of trying to follow directions to a new place, you're looking for your turn, and suddenly you're driving a long way without seeing your turn. This was one of those days for me. And the reason I was driving so far was because I had missed the place I was supposed to turn. And I missed it because I was going too fast. So, of course, it actually took me longer to get where I was supposed to be.
Everyone in our family knows if Dad gets in a checkout line at a store, be sure you pick another line. My line always seems to be the wrong one, the long one, no matter how good a choice it seemed at the time I picked it. The cash register blows up or the one lady who was in line in front of me goes into labor or something. You know? But there's one blissfully happy moment for me when I'm in a slow checkout line - when they open a new checkout line near me. You can be sure I will do my best to start that line.
I was zipping down the Interstate one day, and I came up behind this big, black truck with bright red letters on it. And then I noticed what it said: County Bomb Squad. Woah! Needless to say, I did not stay real close to that truck! I didn't want to be behind these guys, but I'm actually glad they're around.
"China's Lost Girls" - that's what they called the National Geographic special that described China's "one child per family" law that had led, at the time, the abandonment of countless baby girls. But the special went on to describe the growing number of American families who wanted one of those little girls, who otherwise would spend her whole life in an orphanage. That came to life some years ago when some close friends started down that year-long process of bringing together an abandoned little girl with an American family. Finally, that long wait was over, and they were on a plane to China. When they got to their hotel room, there was an empty crib. It wasn't empty the next night. No, they were taken to the adoption center where this precious little girl they were adopting was placed in their arms, and that night she fell asleep in her new father's arms. As the family welcomed them at the airport back home, this girl, who only days before had belonged nowhere, was - and always would be - enveloped in love.
You never knew when my wife was going to have one of her attacks. No, it wasn't a medical condition; it used to happen as we were driving through our neighborhood on garbage night. Suddenly she'd go, "Stop! Wait!" And I'd say, "What's the matter?" And she'd say, "Look at that chair." Actually it was the remains of a chair, broken, pretty gross I thought. And then she'd say, "Hey, let's take it." I think there's a name for that. Garbage picking, right? Yeah.
In 1963, the United States Supreme Court outlawed prayer in America's public schools. One of the plaintiffs in that case was America's best-known and most visible atheist at the time, Madalyn Murray O'Hair. Over the years, she was a vocal proponent of atheism and an aggressive campaigner against religion in public life. Then one day she vanished, leaving her sports car in an airport parking lot and $500,000 missing from the American Atheists Association bank account. The Internal Revenue Service seized Mrs. O'Hair's home to pay her creditors and some back taxes, and one of the items at auction was her diaries. And one entry said, "The whole idiotic hopelessness of human relations descends upon me. Tonight, I cried and cried, but even then feeling nothing." Then I was really struck by four words that Madalyn Murray O'Hair reportedly wrote at least half a dozen times over the years, "Somebody, somewhere, love me."
Well after years of being City Boy, living in the country. Yeah, and boy, I learned a lot from the Country Girl I married. One day I was sitting on the front porch, just peacefully reading my Bible, and I noticed that a calf from across the road had decided the grass was greener on the our side of the road. Somehow, he had picked his way across the bars of the cattle guard, wandered down the road and was slowly munching his way toward our yard. Now, we agreed we really didn't want him in our yard all day while we were at the office. He'd probably eat the flowers. He'd probably fertilize our lawn in a way we didn't want it fertilized. My wife stuck her head out the door and said, "Just yell at him; scare him back across the cattle guard and into his pasture." OK, I yelled at the calf. He didn't move. My wife said, "You'll probably have to chase him, too." Oh, she saved that for later! Oh great! Here goes City Boy running down the road (you want to try to picture this?), waving his arms and yelling at a cow. Hey, it worked! The calf went running back down the road, across the cattle guard, and back where he was supposed to be. I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact what I said to him, "Burgers to go, boy!"
"Made you look!" That's a classic line from when we were kids. As we're driving through some of this continent's steep mountain ranges, we've seen a sign that's guaranteed to make me look. You usually see it on a long drive down a steep mountain. The sign says, "Runaway truck ramp ahead." Of course I immediately look in my rear view mirror for some reason. If some big old semi with failed brakes is barreling down the mountain, about to run me over, I would like to be the first to know! I'm not sure what I'd do about it, but at least I'd like a moment for my whole life to flash before me. Those ramps are long emergency ramps, usually covered with something like sand that will help a truck grind to a halt. Now, if you've ever smelled the hot rubber of overworked brakes on a mountain, and you probably have (I have), you know that providing a way to stop runaway trucks is really a good idea. And they must be needed. I hate to say this, but I often see fresh truck tracks in that sand!
We had two weeks in our area that I call "The Ice Age." And a car actually slid into our vehicle in a parking lot. So the right side looked pretty ugly. Interestingly enough, that damage didn't affect the performance of our car at all. Like so many older cars we've had over the years, the outside was banged up but the engine was running fine.
Whenever you look at a sports schedule for the season you'll see one of two letters next to each game - an H or an A. Now those H's are the ones the players look forward to the most - that's the home games. And, of course, the A is the away games. Now, if you're an athlete, you know that your best chance of winning is usually in your home setting. In sports, it's generally easier to win at home; it's tougher to win on the road, which is actually the opposite of how it is in our personal lives.
It was one of those times when there had been a wave of nasty infections going through our area and, therefore, through our team. Thank the Lord, I had not been one who got knocked out for a week or more by this bug. And I was very grateful for all the people who pray for me at times like that. It's got to be one of the big reasons why I'm still going strong is all those prayer warriors. Of course, I try to do what I can do to stay healthy. I've concluded that one of the biggest things you can do to keep from getting sick is just to wash your hands frequently. (Boy, have we heard that recently? I sound like your Mother don't I? "Wash your hands!") But wherever I travel, I take my trusty towelettes and my liquid disinfectant. Because we're picking up germs that could infect us all day long! Look, whether it's a virus or anything, It's still a good idea to wash your hands pretty regularly.
When you live and work on a remote Indian reservation, as our sons did for a number of years, you get good at shopping without going anywhere. Because anywhere is so far away! Our sons got to be very skilled Internet shoppers. They found gifts there I didn't even know existed. They found bargains I was jealous of. Sometimes, I would watch over their shoulder, and I've gotten kind of good at it these days. But I'd see them bid on an item that was being auctioned on the Internet. They're pretty good at knowing what it's going to take to own what was being auctioned. For all the little tricks of the trade, there seemed to be one decisive bottom line. Everyone knows that it belongs to the one who bids the most. Right?
Each summer it's been our privilege to travel with a team of young Native Americans to take the hope of Jesus to America's reservation young people, and God has really shown up powerfully for these young spiritual warriors. Like the night one summer in a very remote corner of New Mexico when our last outreach was about to be rained out. The previous night the thunderstorms had hit the basketball court just as we were about to present the Gospel. So, this was now our last opportunity to invite young people to come to Christ in an area where the spiritual darkness was very deeply entrenched.
Most of us had some classes in high school where we sat there and grumbled, "When am I ever going to use this stuff?" Right? In some cases, we really have ended up using what Miss Pringle taught us. In other cases, we were right about never using it. There's one class I've benefited from almost every day of my life, including even today. Yeah, I had a typing class. Oh yeah, it was "old school." I started out with what they called a Selectric typewriter. Younger listeners are asking, "Selectric? What's that?" It's a typewriter. Never mind. I'll take you for a tour of the museum. But, you know, today it's a computer keyboard. And when I have a lot of writing to do, which I usually do, it's a good thing I learned to type those many years ago. And, you know what? My wife told me that I was one of the fastest typists that she knew. With the amount of work I have to get done in a day, do I have a choice?
One of my favorite cartoon characters is Pigpen. You know, from Peanuts. Maybe you're a Charlie Brown fan like I am, but Pigpen is that little fellow you always know when he's coming. Yeah, he never has to make a lot of noise, because there's this cloud of dust that precedes him wherever he goes and also follows him wherever he goes. Actually, I know some real people like Pigpen. Now wait, wait! I don't mean people who haven't showered for a month, but the dirt they circulate - it's emotional dirt. It's called self-pity. Every time they talk it seems like they're preoccupied with themselves, their needs, their latest problems, the unfair treatment they've gotten, their aches and pains. Listen, we all slip into the pit of self-pity once in a while, but some people live there. There's a great alternative to living in that Pigpen cloud of dust called self-pity.
It's an amazing true story from the history of the Cree Indians of western Canada. Through many courageous exploits, a young man named Maskepetoon became known as the bravest warrior in the tribe. One day a man came to Maskepetoon's camp talking about peace - something his tribe had never known because of that relentless bloodshed between his Cree tribe and their longtime enemies, the Blackfoot. But this man with a black book called the Bible introduced this warrior to the Creator of all. The missionary told him of how the Creator God's Son defeated the Evil Manitou, the Enemy of all. He climbed to the top of a hill and gave His life on a cross as a peace offering. That meant peace could be restored between the Creator of all and the people He had made.
Our friend is incredibly creative - including creating jewelry. You know, she told us about how she made a beautiful gold ring. Actually the ring is designed in wax. When she has the ring design that she wants carved in the wax, she pours plaster-of-Paris around that molded wax ring. Then she puts it in an oven. Well, of course, the intense heat melts the wax away until there's no wax left, just a vacuum, which is shaped like the ring she wants. Then she puts this in a centrifuge, and that spins gold into the vacuum where the wax used to be. Gold rushes in where it used to be just wax. And out comes something very beautiful and a whole lot more valuable.
Some of us are a little "old school." We still pay our bills with an envelope and a stamp and mail it in. At least we pay our bills. I know what it is to need a stamp; you've got something that has to be mailed - could be an urgent bill. You've got spoiled by having electricity in your house, and you really don't want to see what it's like without it. Your electric bill is due, the check is written, the envelope is addressed, and you can't find a stamp. But something that happened during a recent election has to be the ultimate postage desperation. An absentee ballot arrived with an unusual stamp on the envelope; a picture of an inverted World War I airplane. The news report said that stamp may very well have been a rare collector's item worth $200,000! Postage rates might continue to go up, but this is like out of control!
Every time the economy or corporate profits take another dip in their roller coaster ride, you start hearing corporations say that word again - downsizing. Many companies have done that and probably will come to the conclusion that one way to increase their profitability is to decrease the number of employees. So they downsize to be more successful.
