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Norway is 35 times smaller than Russia, but they went head to head with Russia for the most medals won way back in the 1994 Winter Olympics. One of Norway's speed skaters won the gold medal in Lillehammer. A Norwegian skier stole America's spot at mogul skiing. And one after another, Norway dominated cross-country events. Little Norway was a big winner in those Olympics.
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We went on this guided tour of this large cave near us. You walk through these winding and really narrow passageways and you admire the wonders that God has created from stalagmites, stalactites, and underground rivers. We entered this one large chamber, and the guide turned on the light and directed our eyes to this high vaulted like cathedral ceiling. You can probably guess what animals we saw hanging up there - bats, lots of bats. The guide told us that the early explorers of this cave had found large quantities of what she called bat guano. If you don't know what that is, never mind. It's gross, that's what it is. But they made lots of money selling that stuff. Really? Who would buy it? I mean, "What good could bat dung possibly be?" Surprise! She said they make gunpowder out of it! And even more surprisingly, they said they can turn that gross stuff into makeup like mascara and lipstick!
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Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and honestly, this is a true story. Friends of ours have a big dog. And their neighbor threatened them about that dog. She had this white fluffy rabbit and a rabbit hutch in her backyard. And she said, "I'll tell you, if that dog ever hurts that rabbit of mine, I'll sue you for everything you're worth."
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There's this one restaurant in our area that offers more than food - it offers some unique live entertainment - at this one table. See, it's pretty much in the center of the restaurant where everyone can see. Several unsuspecting diners are sitting at this round table, just minding their own business, eating their meal - as the table starts to rise very, very slowly. So slowly that no one seems to even notice that their food is getting closer to their mouth and that their fork is making a shorter and shorter trip each time. The last time we were there, the diners were chattering and eating away as the table rose nearly to eye level. And then, and only then, did someone begin to realize that they were having to lower their fork to get the food to their mouth!
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I think I still remember one line of poetry from high school, "Water, water everywhere." Well, you know what? For lots of folks during the spring, that isn't poetry. It's their town, their neighborhood, their house. Rivers overflowing, backing up into every creek and stream. It can be a mess.
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A Bible is pretty versatile. It can be a file. Did you ever notice how much people stick in their Bible? I look at mine sometimes, and I find a number of things in there I don't want to lose. Unfortunately it does hurt the binding a little bit. Sometimes the Bible can be a record book. You see these Bibles where people put important dates, their family tree, weddings, deaths, and the autographs of people whose ministry they want to remember.
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You know, there's something about a princess. I know our granddaughters growing up, boy they sure thought so. They got princess everything, the dolls, the sheets, the tiaras. We probably got most of them for them. You get the picture. But, you know, our granddaughters weren't that unusual. So many little girls, from lots of generations, have grown up with dreams of being a princess. And look! What's at the center of Disney World's Fantasyland when you go there? Well, of course, Cinderella's Castle.
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Our kids always loved that amusement park ride where they get to drive those little race cars around the track. I guess I should put the word "drive" in quotes. Oh yeah, kids grab that steering wheel and they do their NASCAR thing as the car speeds around that track at this eye-blurring 3 or 4 MPH speed or something. I could hardly blink! But driving, well that's kind of an overstatement. See, that car is attached to a little rail, and it's going to go where it's going to go, no matter what little Miss or Mr. NASCAR does at the wheel. We won't tell them this, but they're not really in control at all.
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Stonewall Jackson, the famous Confederate general. His mommy didn't name him that by the way. He was actually Thomas Jackson. He earned the name we know him by in the first major land battle of the Civil War, the Battle of Bull Run. The Confederate forces were overwhelmed. They were retreating that day - except for a group of Virginia soldiers commanded by General Jackson. They refused to give ground, with their general, mounted on his horse in the thick of the battle, inspiring them to take a stand. Well, another Confederate officer yelled, "Look! There's Jackson standing like a stone wall!" Well, Confederate forces rallied that day behind Jackson and his Virginians, and they ended up routing the Union forces that day. And from that day on, Tom Jackson was Stonewall Jackson.
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I think barbers ought to get, like you know, honorary degrees in psychology. They end up listening to everyone's problems and oftentimes they end up giving counsel. Every once in a while I get to hear some of a barber's feelings, and that's when you kind of get the psychology degree. You see, we sort of turn the tables, or the chair as the case may be in the barber shop.
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Someone finally started looking at us Americans and realizing that a bunch of us are a whole lot bigger than we ought to be. I don't mean we're too tall! No. Well, look, I know what the weight battle is all about and I know it's hard, and I know your weight has nothing to do with your worth. But it can have something to do with your health. I guess all the talk about our weight and our health has even affected some of the fast-food restaurants - who might conceivably have something to do with the "widening of America." Oh, they're changing. They're trying to have healthier offerings and reducing fat and sodium. And then, not too long ago, they got rid of something they had started. Remember the "supersizing" thing? We'd go in and they would ask you after you'd placed your order, "Would you like to supersize that?" They might as well have asked, "Would you like to supersize you" in many places? Well, guess what? Now there's no more supersizing.
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I once met a man with a painful illness, and actually we were in a very beautiful place. He owns a charming inn and it's furnished in every room with this great antique collection. It's quite a place to stay. Let's call him Art. Now, his inn is probably one of the most highly praised inns in the country, and it's not just another place to stay. I mean it gets rave reviews in every tourist book you read.
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When I consider today's young people and even my own kids when they were teenagers, I realize that their generations are about to lose some of civilization's greatest wisdom. Some of those old clichés that we were told, well, maybe they've never heard. How about this? "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Well, we have to make sure they get that wisdom. Or probably not, huh?
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I used to think that the more I got on planes and went places the easier it would get. Wrong! It always got tougher to be away from home.
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Where is Malaysia Air 370 and its 239 passengers? Boy, a few years ago, that question obsessed people around the world and in the news day after day after day. I can't remember a time when so many nations (I think there were something like 26 at some point) mounted such a huge search-and-rescue effort across such a wide swath of the world. It was incredible. Why? Well, to search for and, if possible, try to save the people who were lost.
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Ah, sunset! It must be one of the favorite times of the day for photographers and for couples going on a romantic walk. Actually, for just about all of us. I've had the privilege to see the sun sinking beautifully into the horizon of the Atlantic Ocean, the Pacific Ocean, over many of America's majestic mountain ranges, the flaming desert sunsets, and even from many parts of this world. It just doesn't matter where you are on this planet, sunset is just plain beautiful.
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It was April in the mountains of the West, which means you can experience any or all of the four seasons in just one trip. We'd recently started our journey in warm temperatures, but by the time we hit that mountain pass, it started to snow - I mean the thick, big flakes kind of snow. You know what? Actually all of us started singing Christmas carols - even though it was just a few days before Easter. We were racing a deadline, so the snow was a mixed blessing. It was incredibly beautiful, but it was almost blinding at times, and it made our trip slower; it made it more treacherous. And then we saw it - this thin line of sunshine between the bottom of the snow clouds and the tops of the mountains ahead. We were excited because that was our future.
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I don't think this is a surprise to anybody, but high school athletes are pretty impressed with their own bodies. You know, they lift, they work out, they admire their new build, and they compare how much weight they can bench press, and how fast and how far they can run. And that's fine. But the problem is you begin to think that manhood is that physical strength. Well, listen, manhood goes way beyond that. But men of all ages, not just high school athletes, seem to believe that conquest is what shows you're a man: the conquest of a woman, of a goal, of a competitor. Actually there are some very little boys in some very big bodies, and there are some people we might call wimps who are really in the winner's circle. See, we might be missing what manhood really is.
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Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen! Recognize that? Well, maybe not. They were reporters of The Daily Planet newspaper in a city called Metropolis. At least according to the story of the "man of steel" called Superman. He was, according to the old Superman TV show, "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound." (I've got to calm down here.) He had been sent here as a baby from the planet Krypton by parents on a dying planet. And he came to earth with, as the announcer used to say, "powers far beyond those of mortal man." So when Lois and Jimmy faced a situation that no normal person could possibly resolve, they would invariably say those words that always precede an amazing solution, "This is a job for Superman!" (I'm okay now.)
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Our dog, Missy, was easily entertained. We just threw her a plastic bottle. That was accidentally discovered one day when a two-liter soda bottle fell on the floor in the kitchen. She pounced on it, grabbed the bottle in her mouth, and shook it viciously. You could tell from three rooms away she was fighting with one of those bottles, because she'd throw it in the air and then she'd try to catch it with her nose. And then it ended up bouncing all over the kitchen. Are you imagining this? You should have seen her ten minutes later. She's sprawled lifelessly on the floor - a blob of fur, totally exhausted from that fight with a plastic bottle. It's amazing how much energy she put into a battle that didn't matter.
