There's reality TV. And then there are the Olympics. The real reality TV.
All the drama. The triple axles on the ice. The amazing jumps on the ski slopes. The gravity-defying flight of the snowboarders.
Oh, and the falls. The missed cues. The bad starts. The crashes.
And then there are the replays. Of the memorable performances. And, the mess-ups.
I'm fine with showing the good stuff again and again. It's the replays of what they did wrong that bother me.
Probably because I've been working with young people and their families for so long.
And, over and over, I've seen the damage that's done when parents keep replaying their children's mistakes. Sometimes too seldom replaying what their son or daughter does right.
Consequently, there are lots of young people who know very well what's wrong with them. But have a hard time thinking what's right with them.
So they don't feel like they're worth much. So they act like they're not worth much.
You can see it in the friends they choose. The music they listen to. The way they retreat into themselves. The things they'll do for attention. For love. For a few minutes of feeling better about themselves.
Oh, there's a lot that goes into our feelings of value or worthlessness. And the lack of a parent's affirmation is only part of it.
But we moms and dads have life-shaping power like no one else. Our son or daughter's perception of how much we think they're worth is a huge factor in how much they think they're worth.
I read somewhere that we humans need seven positive strokes for every negative we get. Which years ago brought me to ask, "What's the ratio at our house?"
Too often, we use the replays of our kids' shortcomings to somehow get them to change. To do better. Or just to vent our frustrations.
And yet, how many of us still carry in our head those critical, negative words that our parents said over and over to us? They still hurt. They're still part of our adult struggle to feel right about ourselves.
What was constantly replayed by our parents has shaped us for life.
And so it is with our children.
It's part of the legacy we leave them. One it's never too late to change.
That's why this one statement from the Bible went deep into my soul as a parent. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths" - words that tear them down. "But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs" (Ephesians 4:29).
Construction or demolition. My words to my children have been one or the other. "The tongue has the power of life or death" (Proverbs 18:21), my Bible says.
And as I look in the mirror, I see a guy who has no right to keep replaying anyone's mistakes. Not after the way God has treated me.
I don't need much help seeing where I've blown it. I'm painfully aware of how I've failed. Who I've failed. Even in the past few days.
What saves me - literally - is that my Father does not replay all the dark episodes of my life.
Of all the people who could nail me for my many sins, God has that undisputed right. He gave me this life. So often, I've simply dissed the One who made me and done what I want to do. Defying a sinless, totally holy God.
I would run from Him. Except for one thing. What the Bible tells me about Him. "If You, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness" (Psalm 130:3).
Forgiveness. What a word. What an expensive word. Not for me. For the God I've sinned against.
Because of what His Son did so I would never meet my sins on Judgment Day. "He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him" (Isaiah 53:5-6).
My sins removed, never again to be replayed. By a God who loved me so much He would do whatever it took not to lose me.
And it took His very best.
This full pardon from an all-perfect God is within anyone's reach. Within your reach. If you'll take for yourself what His Son died to give you. That's what our website, ANewStory.com, is about. I hope you'll join me there.
