The Gore Sadness

It always makes me feel sad when another marriage comes apart. Some separations you can see coming. Others come as a shock...like Al and Tipper Gore.

Wednesday's USA Today had them front and center on the front page, in a passionate hug and kiss at the 2004 Democratic Convention. But the headline shouts: "Gores to split after 40 years." One pop culture professor calls it "absolutely stunning. They appeared to be a totally functional modern, working couple." That's what makes the author of "Marriage, A History" conclude that "It's impossible to tell what goes on in a marriage."

Yeah, it is. The Gores say they have "grown apart" in recent years. That's kind of how it happens. Marriages die by, not so much by explosion, but by erosion - a slow drift apart. One day you look up and say, "How did we get so far apart?" It's more about neglect and taking your partner for granted than it is about overt hostility. The Bible wisely says, "Be sure you know the condition of your flocks...a crown is not secure for all generations" (Proverbs 27:23-24), or a marriage, for that matter.

My wife and I are approaching one of those milestone anniversaries in a few days. But I'm not married to the same woman I honeymooned with. She's changed. I've changed. The seasons have changed. If I don't pay attention, I won't know the woman I'm married to. We will, in Gore-speak, "grow apart."

The Gores' separation should be a wakeup call for me and all of us married guys and girls. Fires go out if they're not stirred and rekindled. Friends become strangers when they're not intentionally making time to hear each other's heart on a regular basis. Lots of time with "another love" and dwindling time with your "first love," causes them to change places in your heart, and that "other love" doesn't have to be another man or woman. You can get dangerously absorbed in your work, church, school, community activities, friends, your computer, shows, your hobby, recreation, even your kids. There's always something or someone competing for first place in your heart and your schedule. We just can't let it happen.

You have to play aggressive defense against all intruders if you want your marriage to go the distance. When a marriage falls apart, it's like a highly destructive earthquake in a family. Everyone feels the effects for years to come, even for generations to come.

God designed marriage to be for life. "What God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:9). We don't have to grow apart. There are few things sweeter in life than a man and woman who are growing together as time goes on. A relationship is deepened and enriched by all the storms, laughs, goofs, prayers, forgiving, and all the memories of a lifetime.

As I count down to the celebrating of a lot of years being married, I pray my wife will have a far better husband than she's ever had before. I promised her a lot on the day we said, "I do." I need to deliver on those promises as never before. It starts with my honey knowing she is, for me, the most important voice on earth...my treasure...my one and only. For all of us married folks, the rest of our years can be the best of our years; the years it all comes together - not apart.