The Replacement Ref Ruckus

I've been to a few professional football games in my life. And some people are angry. It's usually aimed at the other team or their own players who messed up. But these days the words that make you blush are reserved for the referees. The replacement referees, that is.

The regular National Football League officials have been locked out by the owners over a salary dispute. So the guys making the calls are rookies in the NFL universe. And accusations are flying that they're missing all kinds of penalties and making some bad calls on key plays.

Now it's reached a boiling point because of a highly disputed call at the end of a nationally televised game. In essence, their judgment on a last-minute touchdown play decided the outcome - and many believe it gave the game to the wrong team. So the cries of "fire these guys - bring back the real refs!" are getting louder and louder.

I guess you can't expect substitute officials to run the game as well as the people who are supposed to be in charge.

Which is something that's important for parents to remember. There's a tendency in our culture to delegate an awful lot of "officiating" in our kids' lives to other people. When, from the beginning, God's expecting parents to be the ones supervising the game of life for our children.

But, hey, we've got teachers, the coaches, the pastors, the youth workers, the counselors - and we can let them do a lot of life for our children, right?

God doesn't think so. It's to parents that He says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:4-7). Why? "So the days of your children may be many in the land" (Deuteronomy 11:21).

Where's a child supposed to learn the ways of his Creator? Where's he or she supposed to learn about love and decision-making, the meaning of sex and how to handle money? About where the boundaries are - and the penalties for breaking the rules? About how much they're worth and where life's landmines are?

At home. Anything other coaches or refs can do is a bonus - and potentially helpful. But it's supplemental in developing a child's life - not fundamental. They are not the Heavenly Father's game plan for shaping a young life. Children are supposed to learn how to do life from the people who gave them life.

And thankfully - in a world where it's so dangerous to be a kid and so challenging to be a parent - God says, "You're not in this alone." My wife and I have often embraced His promise in Isaiah 40:11: "He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms (insert the names of your "lambs" here) and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young" (insert your name here).

We have found in Jesus - the One the Bible calls the "Good Shepherd" - a Savior who forgives our failures and supplies the power to change our dark side. There's nothing like having a life to shape to make you realize how much you need Him.

So, being the Mom or Dad they need is not Mission Impossible. And there simply is no athletic coach, no school, church, or community program that can replace - or do the job - of a mother or a father. Yes, it's tempting to hand off a child to other "life-refs" when our own lives are so overheated. But ultimately, we're not going to like how the game turns out.

The high-stakes game of life-building is no place for replacement refs.