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I've really got to think of a better response when people tell me they have a headache and I say, "You know, pain always attacks at the weakest point." They really don't find that helpful. Actually, we all have our favorite headache remedy - one or two of this pill or that and we wait for the relief as those pills race through our system. I know they do. I saw it on a commercial once.
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So what do you do when Murphy's Law hits all in one day? You know, Murphy's Law: "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong"? Well, we've all had plenty of those at our house. I remember one right now that hit my family. We were trying to get ready to go on vacation; we were leaving the next morning. The first thing that happened was that the freezer had gone on the blink and all of our food had spoiled. Oh, that was nice.
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I think there was a time when people thought workers were demonstrating loyalty and nobility if they showed up for their job even if they felt sicker than a dog. More and more, people think you're not very smart if you do that! You may be one of those who drags yourself into work no matter how sick you are. You're there, all right, but so are your coughs, your sneezes, and your "cooties." Strangely, over the next few days, one co-worker after another comes down with symptoms that look suspiciously like what you brought to work with you. The poet was right, "no man is an island!" You're contagious!
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I always knew that if my teenage son ever did with stocks what he did with baseball cards, he'd be a millionaire someday. And then maybe I could go on a cruise...you know, who knows? Well, a lot of young guys, when they go looking for baseball cards, just look for the card of people who are already famous. But, of course, those cards have already done a lot of their appreciating while he was becoming famous.
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I've been in three hurricanes, but always on land. I can't imagine what it would be like to face it out on the water.
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Man, our garage was one busy place! I mean, you know, being in Youth Ministry, having meetings at our house. It was the fastest way to get to the basement. So, I mean teenagers were coming and going through the garage, and my wife and I were going in and out daily through the garage, and I usually had an armload of something. And in bad weather, the garage was the best way to get to the driveway, to the back yard. Well, listen, I'll tell you what. I got a great Christmas present that year - an automatic garage door opener. Never had one of those before and someone gave it to me.
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When I was with my grandchildren when they were younger, I didn't want them to watch the news. It's too gruesome: another brutal execution, the slaughter of captured soldiers, an act of terrorism, more bloody battles in more places than the news can possibly cover. It used to be that there were intelligence reports of an increased terror chatter, for example, when any major holiday or when the September 11th anniversary approaches. Now we get those reports, it seems like, every day. I remember the Secretary of Defense said, "The world is exploding all over."
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It started out as an unimpressive ripple in the weather off the coast of Africa. By the time it was over, it had become Hurricane Katrina, pummeling Florida as a category one storm, then surprising most observers by becoming a category five monster over the Gulf of Mexico. Katrina's last minute shift to the east nearly destroyed the city of New Orleans. Yes, we saw some of the darkest side of human nature as people looted things that they didn't really need, and some even tried to shoot some of the very people who were coming to help. But on a much greater scale, the aftermath to Hurricane Katrina was a massive outpouring of heroism in many flavors.
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"Active shooter in Colorado Springs." It was years ago but I got that news alert, and I turned to a news channel right away. I've got friends in that city.
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When our kids were growing up, we had an interesting system of government at our house. I had one big vote, and theoretically my one vote could count more than the other four sometimes. Nice system. That was the theory. In reality it didn't happen very often. There's one dynamic that takes place before a family decision that really can change the outcome, and that's what I would call skillful lobbying; especially by my three children, and they got really good at it.
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Let's say the day is about to end. I would invite my wife to go for a romantic walk with me as we look toward the west at the beautiful colors of the sunset. Well, that's what you'd call it, right? And so would I. But we would be scientifically incorrect. Since when does the sun set? The sun doesn't go anywhere; it's the earth that's moving! Right? So, "Honey, let's go for a romantic walk and watch the beautiful earth set?" Uh, that doesn't work!
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Every once in a while a woman decides to try something daring. She has what they call a makeover! She'll look in the mirror and say, "I'm tired of looking like this. I think I'll try something different." So she puts herself really into someone else's hands. Not just anyone. Oh, no, no! Someone who can skillfully change your eye makeup, your facial color, maybe your lip stick, maybe your hair style, your wardrobe. And "voila"! You look different. Hopefully you look better. But you had a makeover. Now, when's the last time you ever heard of a man having a makeover? Well, actually some men could really use one.
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I haven't bought a baseball bat for a while, but I know you can buy one that's cheap and may not last long or one that costs a little more and lasts longer. But a million-dollar baseball bat? That's a little out of my price range. And lest you think I've lost it, not long ago a massive 46-ounce Louisville Slugger bat sold at auction for $1.26 million dollars! What in the world could possibly make a simple baseball bat worth that much to anyone? Who used it? It was the bat used by Babe Ruth in the first baseball game in the new Yankee Stadium in 1923. In the third inning, The Babe blasted a home run right into the right field bleachers, and somebody just laid down over a million bucks for the bat he used.
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My teenage son was learning to drive. He had completed the classroom portion of Driver Ed. and he was very interested in getting some "behind-the-wheel" experience.
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I think there's like an art to shopping for produce. You can't just grab the first apple or tomato you see. You have to learn to squeeze the lettuce. My wife taught me how to do that. You have to learn how to check for holes and dents in apples and peaches; you don't just take the first one off the pile. You have to check to see how yellow those bananas are, or how green, or how black. There are ways to tell whether a vegetable is one you should buy. Now it's much tougher to shop for a spiritual leader you can trust. But there is a way to tell.
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The area around New York City is dotted with some scenic, protected bodies of water. They are reservoirs that supply the water for the millions of people that are in that area. Now, having lived in the New York City area for a number of years, we often took a weekend drive as a family and, well, we enjoyed looking at them. They're very, very scenic. You know?
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It's always moving when it comes to Memorial Day and you have all these families of veterans and people who were lost in a war or a battle and all these very poignant stories on television and in the news. You know, Memorial Day and days like it, they're different when you're a veteran or the loved one of someone who died for America's freedom. Because every day is Memorial Day. Because freedom's price for you has a name, a face, an empty chair at the table.
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It may turn out to be one of the deadliest, most damaging storms we've ever had - Hurricane Helene. You've seen it all over the news, and it really has hit me in the heart because of friends along that 500-mile path of destruction, especially in western North Carolina. I've watched the heartbreaking news on two different levels. First, obviously the layers of physical tragedy. But my heart also sees a picture that vividly clarifies the most important spiritual issues of our times.
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Honestly I dislike shopping for clothes. Looking for a suit would rank right up there with a root canal or something. As far as the pleasure factor is, I'd say. The problem is that they just don't have suits for guys who are shaped like me. Maybe there just aren't many guys who are shaped like me; maybe that's the problem.
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It was one of the great showdowns of my life - over a jar of peanut butter. Yeah. See, I was in love with who would become my "bride" for two and a half years before we got married, and because I loved her I began to change some things before we got married. I lost some weight; I changed my schedule to make sure there was a little time for her in there. I changed my after shave because there was one she liked. I became interested in her friends. My love was steadily changing one area after another in my life, until the day we went grocery shopping together for the first time.
