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April 11, 2024

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You hear a lot about plea bargaining in court cases these days, but plea bargaining... that's not a new idea. Every child learns the art of negotiating his way out of his disobedience. You might call it the art of "yeah, but." For example, "You don't have your homework" says the teacher. "Oh, yeah, but the dog ate it." Or, "My grandma died." For the sixth time? See, that art is first developed at home. "You didn't call," says dad. "Yeah, but there was no phone." "Yeah, but my watch blew up. I didn't know what time it was." See, children are experts at knowing what they should do and then finding ways to excuse not doing it. Well, father isn't impressed.

April 10, 2024

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In much of America, spring announces its arrival with an explosion of color. Those yellow forsythia flowers start popping out on bushes, the daffodils start to poke their heads through the ground, and the trees around our headquarters suddenly color the landscape with those delicate white flowers. Now, my wife, who I think was a certified plantologist, told me that those are ornamental pear trees. When I asked her about the "ornamental" part, she pointed out to me that they produce beautiful flowers, but these pear trees don't produce any pears. I guess that's why they're ornamental.

April 9, 2024

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There's at least one important principle of advertising we need to consider today, and that is you have to demonstrate the need for your product in order to sell it. I'll tell you someone who was good at it some years ago in one of the classic commercials. It was Alka-Seltzer, one of those old commercials I still remember. They would show some irresponsible eater who consumed some nightmare menu, and then the camera just made him look all distorted, like one of those trick mirrors.

April 8, 2024

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Sister is a dog. No, I didn't say my sister was a dog. My friend, Curtis, has a dog named Sister, which leads to some very amusing sentences. When Curtis' Sister first arrived in our area, Sister lived in this big, fenced-in area around the house. But Curtis got a nice dog house for Sister, the dog that is, and went to work making it a nice winter home for her. He installed two inches of insulation, put in a new floor, and even put a waterbed heater under the floor and some zip lock bags of water for the heater to heat. Sister basically had her own home with her own waterbed.

April 5, 2024

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It's the Super Bowl of the Skies! No ticket required.

April 4, 2024

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My wife and I got a late start for our drive to North Carolina this one particular trip, and we had a 12-hour drive from New Jersey to cover. So we thought we'd make a motel reservation somewhere in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. We got there pretty late and saw this disgruntled looking man leaving the lobby, heading for his car. And it was not the look of a man who had just received good news. When I walked up to the check-in desk - nobody home, just a sign that read, "Back in a few minutes."

April 3, 2024

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You sit there staring at the phone for 45 minutes. There's this girl you really want to ask out, but every time you try to pick up the phone to call her, you freeze. Finally, you realize she probably isn't going to call you, and the phone isn't going to call her all by itself. So, you punch in her number. Are you still afraid? Yes. But courage is not the absence of fear, it's the disregard of it! So here goes! Yes, that actually was my life at one time.

April 2, 2024

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Now it's always been my impression that the police like to have the element of surprise in their favor. Suddenly there's a police car coming up behind you, or appearing out of nowhere. That's why I was surprised by something I saw when I was meeting with some staff we had in Latin America in Guadalajara, Mexico. At night we were driving around with our Director, Timothy, and we saw a police car in front of us. Now, he was in no particular hurry, but his lights were flashing. Timothy said, "You know, the police cars here do that all the time. They leave their lights on whether they are on call or not." Now, that's an interesting approach to law enforcement - let them know you're coming.

April 1, 2024

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"We were closer when we were poorer." The lady who told me that was speaking about her marriage, and she wasn't poor any more. You could tell that by looking at her. She was very affluent. But she was telling me that she and her husband were closer in the early days of their relationship when they were pinching pennies, and scraping by, and wondering how they were going to pay the rent, and fighting the wolf at the door. But they were at least fighting the wolf together.

March 29, 2024

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You can always tell when Easter's on its way. All the Jesus shows start popping up on TV. And that's a good thing. I remember a few years ago there was one that was pretty good called A.D. - The Bible Continues. That's the sequel to a series called The Bible.

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