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It was Fall, and my wife and I were making our annual pilgrimage to go "Falling" in northwest New Jersey. We had our cider, we had our donuts and we saw the great autumn art show. We had kinda strolled along looking at everything and now we were in a hurry to get home. I wasn't happy when I came over the hill and saw bumper-to-bumper.
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Our friend Betty had an unusual little personal business: she put on birthday parties for kids. She brought a pony for the children to ride, and a petting zoo of baby animals, including some little yellow chicks...which you don't ride. Actually she would rescue those chicks from a company whose business is chicken. They've told her that they have to remove any chicks that are speckled or spotted, and she was willing to take some of those and raise them on her farm. The reason that company has to remove those chicks is because of what the other chickens will do to any chick who has an imperfection. They literally will peck them to death. Pity the one who is not like all the others!
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I was a pretty little guy, and my dad thought I should meet Paul Bunyan. You know, the legendary giant lumberjack. We were vacationing in Minnesota and there was this tourist attraction there, in Brainerd. Inside was this huge animated figure of Paul Bunyan. I mean, he's massive! He's sitting down with his giant ax and his giant ox next to him and a little log cabin at his feet. My dad paid for our tickets and I walked in unsuspectingly, and suddenly Paul's voice boomed out across the park, "Hellooo, Ronnie!" Man, you talk about unsettling! This guy knew my name. It took me a lot more birthdays to figure out that the man at the ticket booth had gotten my name from my Dad and then relayed it to the Paul guy in the cabin. Yeah, he was hiding in the little log cabin to frighten little Ronnies.
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As kind of a life-long, off-and-on dieter, oh, how well I know the things we do to maintain or lose weight. And sometimes, I mean, you can't just have water, fruit, and lettuce all the time. Maybe throw in a little celery for dessert. You can lose weight that way, but you know what? You can't keep that going. What you have to do, I've learned, is you have to make friends with your metabolism. And if you're going to take some foods out of your diet, you better put something good in its place if you want the change to last. Actually, that's not just a dieting principle. That applies to spiritual change.
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At Disneyland or Disney World there's this little boat ride that goes through this long canal where you're surrounded by animated dolls from all over the world. French children, Eskimo children, Arab children, Indian children. You get the idea. And they are all singing to you It's a Small World After All. Don't you want to sing it with me? Probably not. You say, "monotonous lyrics." You hear it about 50 times! It's really cute when they first start singing. And the songs okay for a little while. But by the time you hear it over and over, you're sick and tired of a small, small world.
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Now don't accuse frogs of being dumb. Not that you ever would. I mean, I've been told that if you take a frog and you put him in a pot of boiling water (which, why would you do that?) he'll be smart enough to jump out. He knows he's going to die there.
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Voicemail I guess is better than nothing. It doesn't respond, it records. One friend captured how I feel in what he recorded tongue-in-cheek. You call, then you know, you get the little click and you hear the friend's voice saying, "In a world of cold and uncaring humans, isn't it refreshing to be greeted by a warm and friendly voicemail?" No! You just can't automate a personal response!
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When I was little, my bicycle and I spent a lot of time together. You would see this little fat guy chugging all over town; that was my way to get around. There was only one thing that compromised my total enjoyment of biking - the dog on the corner. Yeah, since our street ended right after our house and our house was just beyond the corner, there was just no other way to approach our house. So, often that little dog would sense me coming; I'm sure he had lookouts posted. He would appear out of nowhere, charge my direction with teeth bared, his bark would send chills up my spine. I picked up my speed; boy, I got really fast! I could feel him nipping at my heels. I didn't even know I could pedal that fast! I think I could have qualified for the Olympics.
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Have you ever been to the mall and seen one of those mall walkers? They're going at a steady clip, getting their mile or their three miles for the day. One of those mall walkers actually made the national news a few years back. He was power walking, which means "Don't get in my way! I am coming fast." He must have looked away for a moment, because he walked full-speed into a metal pole in the middle of the mall. Now, why would a collision with a pole be news? The man has not had any sight in his left eye for years. Suddenly, after running into that pole, he sees light in that eye. That collision turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to him! It suddenly helped him see.
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When I used to go places with my two sons, people would often say, "And who are these young men?" And I'd say, "Oh, these are my bodyguards." We'd all get a good laugh at that! Of course, you know, these guys of ours grew up pretty fast, and it was believable that they could be my bodyguards.
