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One thing I was never tempted to be was the neighborhood bully. First of all, you have to be big to be him! I never got there. Then, in the Chicago neighborhood where I grew up, there was a guy big enough to bully all of us. His name, (Oh, you're not going to believe this.) It was Boomer. If his Mother named him that, it's her fault he was a bully. It was predestined.
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Oh, for goodness sake, it was the polar vortex again! There I was, digging out the sweaters again, and turning up the thermostat to help the Propane Dealers Retirement Fund. And hoping the weatherman was wrong about snow and ice.
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Most women have learned that men are never lost. Oh no! Or so men think. Some man is driving, let's say, from Chicago to L.A., and his wife says, "Honey, why did we just enter Pennsylvania?" Is he lost? Oh, no, no! He's exploring a new scenic route.
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I guess it started when the kids were growing up. You know, it says in the Dad's Job Description, "Must have quarters at all times!" Even now when I travel I still try to carry some quarters, and I also make sure I have enough ones and even fives. You never know when you're going to need a vending machine. Not need; actually want a vending machine. I'm in a hotel, I'm working late and I want a snack or I want a cold drink. So I go through the familiar ritual: put the dollar bill in, then the quarters, hit the selection button, and something good comes out. At least it had better! I mean, it's pretty annoying if you put your money in there and you don't get anything back. I probably wouldn't put any more money in that machine.
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If you think about it, there are two words that's kind of unlikely would ever be matched up: channel and surfing. Channel surfing! Well, of course, that refers to the practice of skipping from one channel to another to see what's on each one. Drives my wife crazy! But everybody knows the man is the king of the remote, right? We are experts at that! Have master's degrees in that. Now, when there were only a few channels, we didn't surf much. But look what cable and satellite did! I mean, you've got dozens, maybe hundreds of channels to check out. And as you surf, you may get a glimpse of a sports channel, a travel channel, a food channel, a movie channel, and a country music channel, nature channel, and of course a home shopping channel. Let's really skip that one.
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We have a family doctor I totally trust. I'm a very blessed guy. I mean, I've had one over the years wherever I've lived. But I can't say that I look for opportunities to go see him. If I do, I've got a lot of reasons to trust him. Not the least of which is, he asks me about my symptoms. So I give him all the clues I can. He's kind of like a medical Sherlock. I tell him where it hurts, I tell him when it started, and I tell him how I got desperate enough to finally come to the doctor's office.
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Our youngest son had an interesting method of weight control. He would eat what he wanted for a while, and then suddenly he would reverse all engines for a day or two. He would announce, "Today is a Slim Fast day!" That means drink diet milk shakes three times a day. Now, when you like to eat, drinking all three meals, I'm sorry, that's not very satisfying.
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I love to drive through Custer State Park in South Dakota. This time, we were driving through on our way to an outreach for the Lakota young people on a nearby reservation. I love the drive because, if I'm lucky, I'll get to see a lot of buffalo. I know you'll find this surprising, but seeing buffalo is one thing; riding them is another.
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The world looks a little different through three-year-old eyes. Peter was three and he was the grandson of one of our ministry team. Little Peter was out with his Mom, and they drove past this construction site and saw one of those giant cranes. Well, Peter got all wide-eyed, and he's watching this mechanized monster moving things around. Finally, in total amazement, he tried to find a way to express how big that crane looked to him. Here's what he said: "Mommy, it's bigger than God!"
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Playing his first high school football game - that was our son's dream since first grade! And the day finally came! His first freshman game was an away game. And let me tell you, at freshman games the parental attendance was underwhelming to say the least.
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Justin Bieber's been in the headlines an awful lot. Not so much for hit records any more, but for a lot of the trouble that he's gotten into. Well, I'm a grandfather, and so I thought there are some things I might like to write to him. It might go something like this: "I've got six grandsons, Justin. I can't believe it! One is almost your age.
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You've got to feel bad for Dorothy, and the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion. I mean, they went through so much to get to the Emerald City, all so they could see the Wizard of Oz. He had some great press releases didn't he? He was known as The Fearsome Oz, The Mighty Oz, and he ruled the Kingdom of Oz with that huge reputation. And when they got to his Throne Room, they were greeted by this booming voice, and bright lights, and mysterious smoke everywhere. The wizard behind the curtain was intimidating...until Dorothy's little dog, Toto, (Remember?) pulled away the curtain around the wizard. There was no giant wizard; just a little old professor talking into a microphone and cranking wheels to make big lights and big smoke. He was all image!
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Some friends of ours were staying in a basement apartment, and they invited us to their place for dinner. So, here I was seated with my wife and our friends and suddenly the lights went out, and the skillet went out. Well, we thought about getting out the candles and having a romantic candlelight dinner. But we decided we should do something more practical-check the circuit breakers. And sure enough, the extra cooking had put an overload on a circuit that doesn't usually get that much activity. So, the circuit breaker did it's very important job. It stopped the flow of electricity so we would not melt down.
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On the one hand, the drive from New York to Chicago can be pretty long and boring. On the other hand, it can be an opportunity to get a lot of work done if someone else is driving. I was typing in my laptop computer while my wife was driving. (Not recommended to type on your computer while you are driving!) I was trying to meet some deadlines but my battery wasn't up to the task.
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Our oldest son was working with young people on an Indian reservation in Arizona. One of his first challenges was to find a place to live on the reservation. And that was pretty difficult. But God provided him with a lot and a trailer to put on that lot, and that was great! Second challenge, how to work everything on the trailer. Now, we're talking about a son here who shares his father's mechanical aptitude. I taught him everything I knew. It took about 30 seconds.
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Clark Kent! What a wimp! I started watching Clark Kent when he was a "mild-mannered reporter (it said) for a great metropolitan newspaper." I was a kid then. Poor Clark! He always seemed pretty easy to push around, kind of Joe Ordinary; "Clark Can't" really. Of course there was a secret no one in Metropolis suspected. No one knew that underneath that ordinary exterior was his real identity-Superman! Clark knew that he was a whole lot more than meets the eye.
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A self-respecting hummingbird would never have been caught where we used to live, because there were just way too many people. But now we are in a quieter area where we get to see those little guys. They're the original helicopters you know. They hover; they dart around with their wings moving so fast you can hardly see them. If you want to have them visit your place, your best bet (My wife tells me) is to hang a hummingbird feeder outside. You fill it with this sweet sugar nectar, (It's delicious. I tried some) and before long they zoom up to that feeder, they insert their long straw, I mean beak, and then they start loading up on the sweet stuff.
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Our oldest son grew up Mr. Suburban Boy, and he has a very sensitive nose. Okay, those are the two reasons he has never enjoyed a ride through farm country in the spring. Especially after the farmers have fertilized their fields the, shall we say, natural way. It smells, but it works! Like compost; all this dead and decaying stuff mounded up in a pile? Time does not improve the aroma of that, but you put that stuff on your garden and great things are going to grow. The stink? That's not very nice, but what grows from it sure is.
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It was a steep trail! It was during the summer and we were up about 12,000 feet on this mountain. Of course the air was pretty thin, but it was worth the climb because my wife and I were hiking up to this magnificent glacier. Now, you can't see it from the road, but as you climb the mountain, you finally get a peek at it near the top of the trail. That would be shortly before I collapsed from oxygen deprivation. There's this beautiful white blanket on top of the mountain, especially at the end of the summer. Actually, it looked more beautiful from a distance.
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We were in Phoenix on a ministry trip, and the last thing I expected was to be leaving something there when we were ready to come back. But we did, or rather my wife did. She decided to leave her gall bladder there. She had unexpected major surgery about 2,500 miles from home. I thought I was going to be back to my office, of course, that week. And I needed all kinds of files and reports urgently. So, I asked our office to mail me my office overnight while my wife is getting the surgery we hadn't expected. So they boxed everything up and sent it by a mail service that guarantees "next day delivery" by 10:30 A.M. So, the next morning I happened to be talking on an outdoor pay phone (Remember those?) when the truck pulled up. The driver made a mad dash toward me, handed me my package breathlessly, and I looked at my watch-10:27 A.M.! They're good! I was impressed. Just in time, but in time.
