Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Our sons both played linemen positions on their high school football team - which means they had to take their share of jokes about being big and dumb. Linemen's numbers are usually like 70-something, and they were number 75 and 76. So the word was that linemen wore their I.Q. on their jerseys. It's probably a good thing most of us were never told what our Intelligence Quotient is and really a good thing it wasn't advertised on our jersey! But after all is said and done, there's a measurement of your capabilities that's far more important anyway.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Frankly, I've never understood how a biologist could be an atheist. The human body is just too amazing to explain without a brilliant designer being behind it. There are thousands of examples of the Creator's skill. Just take the human kidney for example. Literally, I mean, if they had to take one of your kidneys, something amazing happens. The one that is left - suddenly burdened with doing the work of two kidneys - starts to grow until its capacity enlarges to the point where one kidney is now miraculously able to do what it used to take two kidneys to do!

Friday, November 5, 2004

Driving is never more exciting than it is during a major snowstorm. In fact, it is so exciting you ought to avoid it. Sometimes you just can't. I was scheduled to speak at a retreat in the Pocono Mountains one January weekend and a major snowstorm moved in right on the Friday when everyone is supposed to be traveling to Pennsylvania from New Jersey. I waited all day for the call, "Sorry, it's been cancelled." I got the call. They were still going, and by that time it was dark. It was snowing very impressively, so I traveled at a very reduced speed and it looked almost impossible to make it until I spotted my friend up ahead - my friend the snow plow. He was clearing a lane as he went. I just fell in right behind Mr. Snow Plow and followed him through the storm all the way to the state line.

Monday, October 25, 2004

I've never been in a storm at sea and that's just fine! I've heard the stories, and that's enough. Like the ship some years ago that was making a transatlantic voyage from Liverpool, England, to New York. One night, at a time when most of the passengers were sleeping, the ship was hit by this mega Atlantic storm. The wind and the waves were so violent, that at one point they tipped the ship almost on its side, and down below passengers were thrown out of their bunks! That is what you call a rude awakening!

In one cabin, a little girl was thrown out of her bed, like everyone else, and her mother had already been awakened by the intensity of the storm. There was one thing different, though, about this particular passenger - her Daddy was the captain! Bleary eyed, she asked her Mom the only thing she really wanted to know about the situation, "Is Daddy on deck?" Her Mom said, "Well, yes he is, honey." The little girl's response was right to the point, "Then I'm going back to bed."

Friday, October 8, 2004

When you are in a hurry, there are words you just don't want to see on the highway, like "reduce speed," "construction ahead." Sometimes that slowdown occurs long before you see the sign, and then you wonder why you're in a two-mile traffic jam. Usually, everything has to slow to a crawl around a construction area.

Once when I was on a major road in a metropolitan area, we had to slow down for this big construction area. They were obviously doing major work, so that meant the expressway was going to be slowed down for a while. My cab driver had a good attitude toward it all. He said, "Well, it's an inconvenience, but it will be so much better when they're done."

Friday, September 3, 2004

Someday I might just be banned from restaurants. I mean, I've been known to give the help a hard time. That's not really what I'm trying to do. I figure sometimes it just gets so humdrum and boring, waiting on people, and too often customers treat you like you're part of the menu, or a vending machine. So, it's fun to inject some laughs into their day. For example, I've been known to walk into a restaurant, and the lady will ask, "Table for two?" I'll say, "Well, yes, but we have a busload of thirty-eight junior high students waiting. Should we bring them in now?" You should see the priceless look on her face. I immediately let her know I'm kidding, though. I always ask for the server's name by telling him or her that, "My mother told me to never talk to strangers." And when I'm ordering one of my favorite hamburger and cheese sandwiches, I have been known to ask, "Is Patty in?" "Patty who?" the waitress asks innocently. "Patty Melt," I tell her, as her eyes disappear to the top of her head.

I'm just trying to lighten up their lives. We also try to encourage them and compliment them. Sometimes I'll tell the server, "Hey, you're a great cook." They look a little unsure about how to react to that. They'll say, "Oh, I didn't cook it. I just serve it." I knew that.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Our friends were kind enough to loan my wife and me their second home where we could get away for a couple of days. When you're in somebody else's home, you have to be on your good behavior, like make sure you don't break anything, leave it as you found it. I was having a little difficulty getting the front door unjammed, uh, unlocked I guess, and my wife said, "What are you doing?" And I jokingly said, "Well, I couldn't get it unlocked, so I'm just forcing it open." She said, "No, no, no, no, don't do that." Now there's a reason we had that little dialogue. She panicked right away because, well, she knows my history.

If I was trying to force it open, I would probably break it. Oh, I did get out okay, but she knows I have this tendency to try to make things work if they don't want to work. I sometimes get impatient with things that don't work quickly. In fact, I've been known to force a door handle and break it. There have been a couple of occasions where I have forced a tool, and I broke it. You will probably never lend me anything. I've tried to force a lock, and I broke it. I've tried to force other things, and they broke too.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I've watched three kids run on this track called high school senior. Oh, and we know about the disease. It's a creepy disease called "Senioritis." I've seen it for years in other teenagers and then finally, we watched it in our own home. It begins with the sense of "Okay, I'm a Senior now, high school is my past. I do not care about high school anymore, even though I have another year." At best, a senior just slacks off until graduation, or at worst, he or she becomes irresponsible and maybe even destructive. Senioritis does not bring out the best in anybody, at any age.

Friday, August 6, 2004

"I want to give you a boat." That's what Carl announced to me. Actually it was to the ministry that I was involved with at that time. And I was grateful, but I wasn't quite sure what to do with a boat! Now Carl had this little fishing boat, and it was run down and he couldn't use it because he had had a heart attack, and now he gave it to us to sell. We were really in a tight time financially, so I accepted the boat gratefully. I asked a boating friend of mine how much it was worth, and he said, "Oh, I think about $1,000," and that's exactly what Carl said he could have sold it for. Well, we needed the money, so I recruited this work crew of 20 people and we went down to the Jersey Shore and we scraped off the barnacles off the bottom. We got new bottom paint on it. We scrubbed, we disinfected, we put up new curtains. We serviced the engine, we did a total makeover on that boat. Let me tell you what God did. We sold it for $4,200. Man, did the value of that vessel change when it changed hands.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

I love to drive through Custer State Park in South Dakota because if you're lucky you get to see a lot of buffalo. Now, seeing them is one thing - riding them is another. We were recently in South Dakota. One important part of our ministry, of course, is reaching what one researcher called the most devastated young people in America, and we were there for an outreach among Native American young people. Reservation young people are in just great need of the Lord. We were with our Lakota Sioux Christian brother and we saw some buffalo, and we joked a little bit about hunting them, and so on. Then he said, "You know, I know someone who rides buffalo in parades and on holidays." I said, "Wait a minute. Did you say rides a buffalo?" I can't imagine boarding one of these wonderful wild animals. Well, somebody asked this buffalo rider, "What's it take?" He said, "Patience." Then he said, "If you neglect him one or two days, he won't be tamed anymore."