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Monday, January 30, 2017

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The power was out this morning when some of our neighbors woke up. In fact, several hundred customers were without electricity. Oh, it wasn't the power company's fault. It was the fault of a driver who ran his car into an electric pole. Oh, not on purpose, of course. See it was a grandfather returning from an all-night hunting expedition with his grandson. Unfortunately, his body didn't want to wait until it got home to sleep. So the driver fell asleep at the wheel. Now, he was injured, his car was damaged, and lots of folks had no power.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

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Our son was a lineman when he played high school football. Which meant our son did a lot of weight lifting, which meant he got stronger. But it also meant a lot of eating, which meant he got bigger. I noticed that all the guys playing line had big muscles and big stomachs. When I commented on that, he said, "Dad, we're proud of that. It's lineman's gut!" Funny, I thought it was lineman's fat. Well, after the season, our son lost thirty pounds and his big stomach was all gone. He told me he was really proud that he had lost all that fat. (That was his word.) Of course, I had to say, "Do you remember when you told me it was lineman's gut?" He said, "Uh, Dad – I think we call that a rationalization."

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

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You may have seen an actor named Iron Eyes Cody in a lot of roles as an Indian. He used to tell an old legend about a young Indian brave, going through the rites of manhood. As he hiked solo into this beautiful valley, he decided to test himself against that rugged, snow-capped mountain that dominated the valley. When he reached the top, he felt like he was standing on the rim of the world. Then he heard this rustle at his feet. It was a snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke. He said, "I am about to die. It's too cold for me up here and there's no food. Would you put me under your shirt and take me down to the valley?" The young brave refused. He said, "I know your kind! You're a rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you'll bite me and you'll kill me." But the snake said, "No, I promise to treat you differently. If you do this for me, I will not harm you."

Friday, October 7, 2016

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I've got a friend who travels with me on a lot of my trips; actually, just about all of them. And I depend on him a lot. It's my clock radio. See, if he doesn't get me up in the morning, I make a lot of people very unhappy. Since he's battery-operated, I'm glad there's a display on there that shows when the batteries are nearing death. The other day, as I set my alarm on my first night home from a long trip, I noticed the big "E" flashing at me. That means it was time to replace the batteries. And I did, with brand new batteries of course. But after I closed it up, the radio was still dead. Hmmm. New batteries, all put in properly, dead radio. A mystery. A mystery solved when I opened up the back of the radio and took a good look at those batteries. See, one of them had a tiny piece of plastic on its positive pole, and it was simply interfering with the connection. I remove that, "Hello, things are working again!"

Monday, September 12, 2016

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Sometimes I'll say kiddingly, "I've figured out what my thorn in the flesh is. My metabolism." Is that possible? Well, unfortunately, my metabolism just doesn't turn calories into energy fast enough. It seems like the more birthdays you have, the more that's true. In other words, I could get heavy pretty easily. Years ago, my not-very-tall body weighed in at 210 pounds. Yeah, well, I lost 40 or 50 pounds less, you know, and kept most of that off over the years. I want to stay that way. But I still have the same metabolism that got me to 210, and the bakery, and the candy store, and the ice cream place. They still look just as tempting, but I've got to remember what a battle it was to get that weight off! I mean, it is worth saying no to some temptations to avoid the struggle of having to get back in shape!

Monday, September 12, 2016

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Sometimes I'll say kiddingly, "I've figured out what my thorn in the flesh is. My metabolism." Is that possible? Well, unfortunately, my metabolism just doesn't turn calories into energy fast enough. It seems like the more birthdays you have, the more that's true. In other words, I could get heavy pretty easily. Years ago, my not-very-tall body weighed in at 210 pounds. Yeah, well, I lost 40 or 50 pounds less, you know, and kept most of that off over the years. I want to stay that way. But I still have the same metabolism that got me to 210, and the bakery, and the candy store, and the ice cream place. They still look just as tempting, but I've got to remember what a battle it was to get that weight off! I mean, it is worth saying no to some temptations to avoid the struggle of having to get back in shape!

Monday, August 22, 2016

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Well, those of us who were alive then didn't know it then, but we sure know it now. President Richard Nixon had a lot he was trying to cover up. And when investigators asked for documents or information, they were consistently denied it on the basis of two words that the President and his people continually fell back on, and other presidents have since – "executive privilege." In other words, based on my position, I don't have to do what other people have to do. I don't have to play by the same rules. It didn't work for President Nixon. It won't work for you.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

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There was no warning. All the power just suddenly went out in this building where we had our offices. No thunder, no lightning, no wind - just a sudden shutdown of our computers, our phones, our heat, all our power. In an instant, like our building was dead. And it stayed dead for two full days making for some interesting opportunities to be resourceful, flexible, adaptable, and inefficient! Our offices were in a pretty old building. And when they dug into the cause of the shutdown, they found that some antique electric part in the building had finally just died. Since this part was apparently original equipment – we think from the Revolutionary War – It was impossible to find another part like it. They don't make them anymore! So we were talking some creative electrical work here! Those old connections just couldn't deliver what was needed for today's demands!

Monday, August 8, 2016

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The scene is a high school assembly where I was speaking. I've asked five students to come on stage with me. One young man is blindfolded and standing in the middle of his four friends. They form a square around the blindfolded guy. One has a $10 bill to give him if he chooses to come to their corner of the square. The problem is the other three are going to tell him they have the $10 - even though they don't. In fact, they each have something else to give Mr. Blindfold if he comes to their corner. One has a super-soaker squirt gun to baptize him with, one has a full trash can to dump in his arms, and the other has a whipped cream pie to put in his face. The poor young man in the center knows three of his friends will be lying about having the money and one will be telling the truth, but he has to decide, sight unseen, which corner he'll go to. They each make their convincing pitch for why what he wants is in their corner. Then, he has to decide which voice he's going to follow. Right choice - he walks away better off. Wrong choice - ahh, messy ending!

Monday, August 1, 2016

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Not long ago we met some wonderful radio listeners from the Sault St. Marie area of Michigan. That's way up north, you know, near the Canadian border. They told me this amusing, and slightly amazing, true story about a woman they met recently. She was driving from Detroit, which is about six hours south of them, so she had made a good northward trek, and she was lost. So she stopped in at our friend's workplace looking for directions. Now that's not anything unusual. But she walked in the door blurting one frustrated question, "Which way's Texas?" Texas! Well, for starters, ma'am, you need to turn that car around and go six hours back to the place you started!

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