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Friday, December 13, 2013

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During the summer our family loved going to Ocean City at the Jersey Shore. Now, there's about a two and a half, three mile boardwalk there. And I'll tell you, it's interesting to just sit there and watch the people parade go by. You'll see some guys parade along with torn shirts or real mini t-shirts displaying those bulging muscles, their arms, their chest, their back. I don't do that. No, I sort of cover up as much as I can.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

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There's a spot in upstate New York where our family always loved to go for vacation. And that began years before when some friends looked at my drooping eyelids and said, "You need a vacation." I've heard those words many times. So we went off to Baker's Cabins. Now, we've stayed there at several points over the years, and then they changed the name of that place to Water's Edge. Same place, different name. Now, we went there after they changed the name to Water's Edge, and it had been called that for a while, but I could never seem to remember that name. I always called it Baker's Cabins. Even though they hadn't used that name for several years, well that was the name that was stuck in my mind. See, once you know something by a certain name, it isn't easy to make that new name stick.

Monday, December 9, 2013

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The names we use to describe people all depend on which side we're on. For example, if there are leftists who are trying to overthrow a pro-western government, we call them guerillas or revolutionaries. If pro-western guerillas are trying to overthrow a leftist government, we call them freedom fighters. If someone comes to our side, they're defectors. If they leave our side, they're deserters. You're probably either coming or going right now.

Friday, December 6, 2013

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If you've ever given a child a helium balloon, you know you had better tie it to something or you're going to have a heartbroken kid pretty soon! That crazy balloon will just float away and slowly disappear into the sky, and you will have a crying child pointing at the sky and expecting you to somehow get up there and retrieve it.

Friday, November 29, 2013

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Don't ever get behind me in a grocery store checkout line. I told a man that just the other day. You see, this time, once again, the line stopped moving as soon as I got in it. Something usually goes wrong in a line I'm in. It's just a part of my lot in life. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but when I get in a line, all of a sudden the shift changes, or the toll booth light suddenly goes from green to red, or an argument breaks out in front of me, or people are having trouble paying, or something like that.

Monday, November 25, 2013

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Back when my sons were teenagers, they both owned a watch, but you would never know it if you looked at their wrist most of the time. Oh they owned a watch; they seldom wore it. Maybe that's typical of teenage boys. I guess kids live blissfully oblivious to time much of the time. Now some people depend on their cell phone, but you've got to pull that out and check it, and I do like to have it on my wrist. A lot of times our boys would have to ask what time it was, and most of the time they would ask a parent.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

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Each year in my Campus Life Club we would have a meeting honoring the football players and the cheerleaders. And we had a crowd-breaker that was always great for laughs. We'd get three cheerleaders up front. We'd give them a bag filled with a complete football uniform, pads and all, minus a couple of items that would have been inappropriate. And then with a player coaching them verbally, the cheerleaders raced to see who could get all their uniform on first. You don't realize how much gear a football player has to put on until you try to figure out where all those pads go; knee pads, shoulder pads, hip pads. I mean, it's a lot to figure out!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

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Okay, I never voted for having a dog in our house. I think they sneaked her in when I was on a trip or something. Her name was Missy - a Shih Tzu, and the last time she went to this dog care place, they registered her as Missy Hutchcraft. Now that's my last name! There's no family resemblance, and I wasn't sure I want to give her my last name.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

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Well, it's time to get out the old winter wardrobe again, and a lot of us don't mind. You see, there's something very special about winter clothes - they're big, they're bulky. In other words, those sweaters cover a multitude of bulges and figure-faults unlike those summer clothes. Remember them? They reveal entirely too much, and I'm not even talking about modesty here. I'm talking honesty about all the figure problems. You know? Winter covers the bulges; summer exposes them. And in that sense, summer is coming for each of us.

Monday, November 18, 2013

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I don't mind sharing my cereal with my family or with house guests. I draw the line at sharing it with the bugs in the house. They seem to like my shredded wheat. In fact, given a chance, these bugs somehow get into the cabinet, get into the box and help themselves. It's not fun to find them sharing your cereal when you open the box in the morning. Eventually they hatch out into moths.

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