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Monday, January 13, 2014

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For many years I was kind of an old fashioned sort of guy in shaving. You know, I wasn't going to have any of those electric shavers for me. I've sort of succumbed now. But for many years I shaved, well, what I thought was like real men. Which meant cooking my beard with hot water first. And that required filling that sink with hot water; as hot as I could stand it. Now, in order for that to happen, the sink has to be able to hold water for a few minutes. And you know what I've noticed traveling around? They don't all do it. I can get them all full; I just couldn't keep them all full. So I'd close the drain, but they just didn't all hold water. I have to keep filling the sink, filling the sink because it leaked.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

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My son and I were trying to remember those basic food groups the other day. And we decided that there's one more than we learned in school. Haven't they added junk food as a basic food group? The problem with all that stuff, you know, the chips, candies, and cookies. They're habit forming! A long time ago, before you could actually skip the commercials, there was one that showed a well-known comedian reaching into a bag for one chip, then he got another and another. And he finally says, "You can't eat just one."

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

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I've been short and I've been tall. When I interviewed some professional football players, I had to fully extend my arm in order just to get the microphone up to their mouths. I was short. And then I went to Singapore and the Philippines, and I was tall! When I was in Manila I thought I could be in the NBA; I could play professional basketball there. Yeah, I was tall there. Of course, it's all a matter of what standards you compare yourself to. With that in mind, I have some great news for you this Christmas. Man, you are rich!

Monday, November 4, 2013

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One of the nice things about our yard there in New Jersey was the trees. One of the frustrating things about that yard was the trees. See, every fall we would take out about a hundred bags or more stuffed with the leaves that come from those trees. We appreciate those leaves most of the year, but there is a little month there where they're not much fun at all.

Monday, October 28, 2013

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We've all had our share of weathering recessionary economies, and sometimes it's hard to find a business that isn't hurting financially at times like that. But I have this friend, George; he's a funeral director. Dealing with him is quite an undertaking. He has an interesting approach to this whole recession thing and whenever the financial tide goes out, he just sort of cruises his way through it. Now, it's true that in a bad economy people might choose a no-frills casket over the deluxe model, but the fact is that George has a steady flow of business no matter what happens to the economy. He's not in construction for example when people might stop building houses. But people aren't going to stop dying. So George has business. He's pretty secure because he has a source that doesn't really depend on the economy. So do you.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

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Over the years my sons didn't really ask about my upcoming speaking engagements. Well, with one exception. They always asked me when I was going to do a professional sports chapel, "Dad, when are you going to talk to the Giants...or the Jets...or the Yankees?" Well, occasionally, when the guys were little, they actually would get to go with me, and even as they were growing up. And it was great to take them along, but there were some rules.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

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There are certain occupations where I think you need a particularly strong self image. For example, I would think a dentist needs a strong self image. I mean, he's a professional, he's helping people, but it's just hard to have so many people dreading what you do. Or in the world of sports, like a baseball umpire? Everybody thinks they can see better than the umpire can. You can tell because they keep yelling, "Hey, are you blind?" Because they don't agree with your call. Everybody thinks they have a higher IQ than you do. They keep commenting on the intelligence of an umpire negatively just because they don't agree with him.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

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I opened the refrigerator and there it was again - the pig! Yes, years ago someone bought it, put it in the refrigerator for a while and then it disappeared. I thought maybe he'd gone to the bacon factory, but then the pig was back. See, this pig was actually plastic, and whenever you would open the door, the plastic pig started oinking at you. It's annoying, but it does make you think about what you're about to do to yourself.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

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When I visited the Gulf Coast of Florida, I got to see a couple of glorious earth turns. The sky was ablaze with color and the sun disappeared on the horizon. You say, "Excuse me, Ron, that's a sunset." Hey, wait a minute. Are you from the 14th century or something? The sun doesn't set; it doesn't move! The earth moves! As it makes its revolution, your point on earth turns away from the sun every 24 hours. So that would be an earth turn, right? And we say the sun sets. Well, the earth is turning and you can see how mankind got it wrong for so many centuries. I mean, it looks as if the sun is revolving around the earth. It revolutionized a lot of thinking when people finally understood what was revolving around what.

Monday, September 16, 2013

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I don't like to perform a wedding unless I can first have several premarital counseling sessions with the couple. I remember when I told my youngest son (he was very young at that time) that I was going to be performing a wedding ceremony for one of the women on our staff. But the way I said it was this: "Hey, guess what? I'm going to be marrying Margaret." He burst into tears. He said, "What about Mommy?"

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