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June 3, 2022

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Okay, let's use our imagination. I'm going to buy a new car, and I'm going to pay for it with cash in full. That's the imagining part. So I pay Mr. Dealer lots of thousands of dollars for the new car, and he tells me it will be there in two weeks. Those two weeks crawl by like a turtle, but finally the day comes when I can show up for my hot new wheels. So I shake hands with the dealer, and he says, "Hey, I'll be right back!" A few minutes later he comes out, carrying a big box. He sees my bewildered expression. He says, "Here it is. Go ahead. Open the box." I do, and inside I find two new hubcaps, a new carburetor, and a new steering wheel. This dealer and I have a problem!

June 2, 2022

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A few years back, the stress meters on Wall Street hit some new highs all because one man had been recording his telephone calls. Yeah, one of Wall Street's movers and shakers had been caught in the middle of some very profitable but very illegal stock dealings. And in order to reduce his possible penalty, he agreed to record his calls for a few weeks. Well, when that news broke, oh boy, they found out that he had been caught and that he had been dealing for weeks with the recorder running! Well, a lot of Wall Street lawyers got some very frantic phone calls.

June 1, 2022

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So the American male seems to be led to believe that "girl-watching" is just part of being a guy. A lot of girls are all too aware that they're being watched, and they're not happy about how they're being watched in a lot of cases. Like the young woman that my wife and I saw at a festival. She was wearing this shirt with an arrow on the front and it pointed up to her head. The shirt said just three little words by the arrow, "I'm up here!"

May 31, 2022

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I think it all started when the bananas started going bad. That's when our daughter decided to bake them up into four loaves of banana bread. Then she asked their church for some folks who might need a little lift right now. With that cheer-up list in hand and our then four-year-old and two-year-old grandchildren assisting, she proceeded to drop off some banana bread blessing at four homes. She took the boys with her into each house, and they actually are the ones who gave the resident the gift. First house, the man's wife had just died. He was so thrilled over their gift that he gave each boy a dollar which he refused to take back. Second house, a man with a very sick wife. He insisted on thanking the boys by giving them candy. Third house, a lady living alone, very serious, until the boys gave their gift. Big smile! And the fourth house, another lonely woman and a big hug for each boy. As our daughter debriefed her little banana ambassadors, our four-year-old recounted the unexpected gifts they had received in the process of giving, including a big smile and a big hug. Then the little guy summed up his feelings about the day: "Mommy, today was such an adventure."

May 30, 2022

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Spiders build webs, and a lot of bugs get stuck in them. Well, that's because, see, the spiders know where the sticky spots are, so they don't get trapped in the webs they weave. But humans do.

May 27, 2022

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I usually leave airplanes to the experts. I fly on commercial airplanes and I don't usually give a lot of thought to the maintenance or the flying of the plane - usually, but not on a very wintry day in Toronto. The plane was warming up at the gate, all the passengers were seated. I was as usual really busy at work until I glanced out of the window at the wing which was covered with snow and getting more covered. Now look, I don't know a lot about airplanes technically, but I know you have to de-ice them before you take-off. Yeah, a little ice on the wings affects the lift on an aircraft and causes you to go "boom." Now, I'm used to the de-icer truck taking care of things at the gate before we leave, and we were preparing to leave the gate iced and snowed. Finally, the pilot told us that they would do that on the runway which is actually a better idea. But I told my wife later that if they hadn't done something about those wings, I was off that plane. I mean, it's unbelievable how much damage a thin layer of ice can do.

May 26, 2022

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I've never been to Uvalde, Texas. But today I feel like a part of my heart is there. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.

May 25, 2022

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It is no fun to be sick on Thanksgiving Day. My honey was. Much of the family was together for Thanksgiving, but she was the one person who just felt too sick to join the festivities. I mean after all, she had 101-plus degree fever, swollen glands, a burning sore throat, a full nose and ears. Nothing fatal, just really feeling crummy. And she didn't want to give any of us a Thanksgiving gift that we would not be thankful for.

May 24, 2022

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Ah, the lost art of tying a tie. I experienced it I remember one time as the man doing the marrying at a young couple's wedding.

May 23, 2022

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Yeah it was known to be a pretty frequent refrain about our house. I'd try to read a label or some instructions that my wife had given me to look at it, and it became obvious that I was having a hard time deciphering what was in front of me. The first clue; my arm would be extended as far as it could go with that item in my hand. And she knew I was not seeing words clearly; I was seeing a blur or I was seeing letters or words that weren't really there. Thus, the refrain "Put your glasses on!" Oh yeah. I do that, and what looked blurry suddenly looked pretty clear.

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