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Thursday, December 10, 2009

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The games that kids play today are so high-tech that the child actually has to teach the parent how to play them. One of our directors was describing a game his teenage son taught him that simulates combat in an F-16 Fighter Jet. He said there is one aspect of the game that's really nerve-wracking. It's when this beeping sound starts going off in your "cockpit." It's the signal that an enemy pilot has locked onto you. You're about to come under some heavy fire, man! In fact, I understand something like that happens in real life aerial combat situations. Of course, the question is, what do you do when someone has locked onto you and you are under fire?

Friday, October 9, 2009

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A couple of times this week I ordered out for lunch and it came on a paper plate. Guess what I did with the paper plate when I finished my lunch? No, I didn't wash it; I didn't save it for later. Now, look we've never had a lot of money, but I've never in my whole life saved a paper plate. I throw it away, of course, like you probably do. And I don't feel any great sense of loss or regret, "Oh, I can't believe I lost my paper plate." No, it doesn't bother me. But we have these other plates at our house, we keep them in a cabinet in our dining room and we save them for special occasions. We wash those when we use them, because it says "fine china" on those. At least that's what my wife wrote with a magic marker on the back. It's the best we've got. And when we're done, we put those plates away very carefully. In fact, if you drop one of them, you're out of the family. What's the difference? Paper plates are cheap, practically worthless, right? You throw them away. Now, fine china on the other hand is expensive; it's too valuable to throw away. Do you know which one most people feel like today?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

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A lot of times when I'm introducing my younger son, I'll call him "my baby" which is a little ridiculous if you look at the two of us. The boy I used to pick up is now the man who picks me up. And that's pretty embarrassing. He will sometimes greet me at an airport or some public place, put his arms around me and lift me in the air. When I stand next to this moose in our family, I ask myself, "How did this child of mine ever get so much bigger than I am?" A while back, a disturbing thought occurred to me, maybe this isn't just about my son growing. Could it be that I'm shrinking? I'm sure I used to measure at least 5'8", but the doctor says I'm 5'7" now. Hello! Where did that inch go? Don't you dare tell me it went to my waist either. Actually, I understand as you keep having birthdays that your tissues and vertebrae begin to sort of scrunch together and you start to shrink. That is a pretty depressing thought when you don't have that much to start with in the first place! But shrinking as you get older may not be all bad.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

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I saw this amusing commercial. This basset hound lying on the floor next to his master; his master is totally covered by the newspaper he's reading. On the floor in front of the dog is a page of the newspaper that advertises this incredible bargain airfare from a certain airline. Suddenly, the dog has a bubble over his head in which he sees himself at the kennel again while his master is off traveling. The dog quietly picks up that part of the paper that has the ad, trots over to the garbage can, drops it in, and goes back to his master's side, and his master never knows the difference. Of course, the dog has no way of knowing those great sale fares aren't always as great as they first appear. The sale fare is in big print, but at the bottom is the small print with lots of conditions. Or you call and you get some surprises. You have to fly over a certain day of the week, or there's a penalty for any changes, or there are only a few seats at that price, or you may have to book two years in advance! It looks great for a while, but the added conditions change things a bit - conditions you hadn't counted on.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

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A young man named Jared became somewhat of an American celebrity, all because of the massive amount of weight he lost. A deli sandwich chain has featured him in a lot of their advertising the last couple of years. He says he lost basically the equivalent of another whole person, largely by eating their low-fat, low-calorie turkey sandwich for months. And as Jared's body has been shrinking, the sandwich chain has been growing!

Friday, August 28, 2009

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The battles were horrendous. The casualties were many. But the outcome changed everything. That's a very quick summary of the final episode of J. R. R. Tolkien's classic trilogy, Lord of the Rings. That trilogy jumped off of dusty bookshelves and into the popular culture with their portrayal in three of the most successful movies of all time. Tolkien weaves a tale of a world called Middle Earth where these soulless, subhuman beings are attempting to stamp out what they call the "Age of Humans." Finally, in the concluding "Return of the King," Middle Earth's rightful king, Aragorn, leads the humans in one last, all-out attempt to turn back the forces of evil. After many costly battles, there's a glorious coronation day for the triumphant king. As the crown is placed on the head of the rightful ruler before this jubilant crowd of his subjects, they know the dark days are over. And the one who crowned him makes this hope-filled announcement, "Now begin the days of the King!"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

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Our friends bought a new horse lately. Her name is Peanut. Now, what kind of horse does that suggest to your imagination? Maybe a cute little Shetland Pony? Nope. Try again. Peanut is the biggest horse in their pasture. If you've ever seen those big Clydesdale horses in commercials, you'll have some idea of the size of this big mama. She's part Belgian, part Morgan, which means she is so big my body's probably not big enough to ride her. And she's named Peanut. Something is wrong in this picture.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

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Our kids played with it when they were little. Our grandson plays with it now. I play with it every once in a while. It's that colorful clay in the round can - it's Play-Doh! You can squeeze that Play-Doh into something flat, something round, something long. You can turn it into any shape you want it to be. Which is OK for a toy; it's not OK for people.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

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I know advertisers have to hate it, but the truth is that a lot of times we remember their commercial, but we forget their product. Recently, I saw a commercial like that. The ad really impressed me, but I have no idea what they were advertising. Anyway, it showed some scenes from recent explorations of space and some appropriate galactic scenery. And then, these words appeared on the screen, "The last frontier isn't space." OK, then what is it? The next words answered that question. "It's the human imagination."

Monday, May 18, 2009

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It's hard to believe it, but it's true. This man went into antique stores basically for one reason: he was interested in old baseball cards, which can be worth a lot of money sometimes. Well, in this one store he didn't see any on display, so he asked the owner if he had any baseball cards. The shopkeeper produced a cigar box with some very early baseball cards which dated back to the early 1900s. He said, "I don't put these out for everyone to see. I keep them in a drawer most of the time." Among those cards, the shopper found one of the most valuable baseball cards there is; one of those rare cards featuring Hall of Famer Honus Wagner. When the shopper inquired about the price, the owner said, "Well, I bought all of these from a woman for $20.00. But I know they're worth a lot more. I'll tell you what. I'll sell them to you for $200.00." Well, knowing the real value of just that one card alone, and desperately trying to keep a poker face, the shopper took him up on his offer. Later he sold that Honus Wagner card on the Internet - that one he got for $200.00 - for something like $200,000!

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