Friday, June 27, 2008

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A while back I heard a comedy routine that suggested some humorous ways to finish this sentence: "You know you're having a bad day when..." Well, I heard on the news about a man who might be a finalist for the "baddest day of the year" award, and there's nothing humorous about what happened to him. You may remember an Avianca Airlines plane that crashed on Long Island a few years ago. It was a flight from Colombia to New York. Well, this particular Colombian man was seriously injured in the crash. That is a bad day - that's a really bad day. They rushed him to the hospital where it was determined that they would have to do abdominal surgery. And when the surgeons opened him up, they found little plastic bags in his stomach full of cocaine. He was a drug courier, and he had ingested those little bags of cocaine to smuggle them into the country. So after he crashed and then was operated on, he was arrested. Now who would have ever thought he would be found out? He was.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

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Let's see, there was Gilligan, the Skipper, too, the movie star, the millionaire and his wife, you know, the cast of that eternally rerunning sitcom, Gilligan's Island. You probably remember the story, they boarded the S.S. Minnow that day to take a what? A "Three hour tour." Little did they know a storm would come up and they would end up shipwrecked on some desert island, and they'd have to stay there trapped forever in rerunland. When they boarded that day, they had no idea how far they were going to go, or how long they were going to stay. Some three-hour tour!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

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If you ever spend any time near the ocean, I'll bet you've got some photos of seagulls. They just soar around above the surf, you know, almost as if they're posing for some of us amateur photographers! Now, seagulls are impressive until they get together. I remember sitting on the rocks along the Maine coast trying to feed some corn chips to this seagull - see, they're into junk food too - and as soon as one gull started to go for the food, another one would land and start yelling at him. Then they were joined by a third gull - they got pretty nasty contesting who's going to get this little corn chip! Now, that's standard operating procedure for seagulls. Like the time we were enjoying this picturesque New England harbor. The highest point was this weathervane and one gull would land on it - sometimes he'd even trumpet the fact that he was number one. That lasted about ten seconds until another gull came plowing into him, knocked him off, pretty soon he's followed by another gull who knocked number two off, so he could have his ten minutes on top! Scientists have even put a red band on a seagull to see how the other gulls would react. They literally pecked him to death because he had something they didn't have. Nice birds, huh?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

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Every other Wednesday morning it's hard to sleep in our neighborhood - not that I ever had that opportunity very often. But early in the morning you hear this clinking and clanking all over the neighborhood. The recycling convoy is moving through with these trucks collecting all the bottles and cans and newspapers we all saved for them, and off they go into recycling land. The other day I got behind one of those recycling trucks and I was in a hurry and I was not thrilled, but, because I had to slow down I got to read what was printed on the back gate of these trucks. Can you believe it? An inspirational message! Here's what it said: "Give your trash a second chance."

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

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The flight attendants call them "white knuckle flyers." It's those passengers who are scared of flying and they hang on for dear life. Now, we've seen an occasional plane crash over the years, and it makes some people nervous about airplanes. We also know the statistical probabilities of a person being in a plane crash; they're really pretty low. But fear doesn't always respond to statistics. When you're on a train you usually don't think much, or if at all about a crash. I mean, we know about plane crashes, but train crashes? But after a series of train derailings and accidents and collisions, the idea of a train crash suddenly becomes front-page material. Of course, it's like flying. The likelihood of a crash is minimal, but it still makes an impression when you see on the news the aftermath of two trains colliding. There's been discussion of one possible cause in crashes like these. They call it engineer fatigue. Someone suggested that some engineers run their shifts so close together that they don't have adequate time to rest. So some accidents might be caused in part by someone literally being sleepy or even falling asleep on the job.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

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If you offer a candy bar to my sister-in-law she just might shake her head in disgust and say, "Nuts!" Now, she's not being rude. She's telling you why she doesn't dare accept your offer - nuts. You see it all started one Saturday when she was doing computer work in our office and she was munching on some hazelnuts. Eventually she noticed this rash breaking out. Within a few hours she could hardly breath, and my wife was rushing her to the doctor. Her throat was literally swelling shut! Well, the doctor pulled her through that scare and then he took a battery of allergy tests. Well sure enough the tests showed that she has a serious allergy to all nuts and eggs and anything that has peanut oil in it. Those ingredients are in a lot of things that she loves to eat, but she doesn't dare. It could be fatal. Nothing tastes that good!

Monday, March 31, 2008

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On some of my trips I can travel pretty light, but there have been a few that I felt like a mule carrying the things I had to take. One trip I had to pack for three different seasons; professional settings, youth settings, and well, you get the idea. Because I was going to be gone for quite a while, of course, I had to basically take my office with me too. I had a lot of baggage! When I arrived, someone from the area met me at the gate and they said those magic words, "Let me help you with your baggage." I did.

Friday, February 15, 2008

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Power - that's what mattered most to Napoleon. He wanted power, and he got it. Under his leadership, the armies of France won some stunning victories. They extended control well beyond their borders, but that wasn't enough for Napoleon. He knew there was one thing, one force that stood in his way. It is said that one day he gathered all his top officers together around this large table. Laid across that table was a map of Europe with a big red spot on it. That spot was England. Pounding his fist on the table, Napoleon raged: "If it weren't for that red spot, I could have it all!"

Monday, January 21, 2008

I was speaking at a Bible conference, set right near the shore of a beautiful lake. I was responsible for speaking about 18 times in six days, so I was a pretty busy boy. But I did something that would make my wife proud, even in spite of how busy I was. I took time to smell the flowers; well, at least to admire the flowers. I'm partially colorblind, but even I was struck by these rich purple flowers blooming all over this sprawling vine in the garden outside my window. The flowers seemed to be everywhere in this garden. I asked someone from the conference what I was looking at, and he told me it's a Vinca vine. He said they had transplanted that vine from a pot to the soil of this garden. And I was told a Vinca vine doesn't produce any flowers when it's in a pot - only when you plant it in the ground.

Friday, January 4, 2008

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It's one of the most popular convention locations in the United States - Las Vegas. We can each guess as to what some of the reasons for its popularity might be. But it's become a popular destination for people other than conventioneers. A recent advertising campaign is offering Las Vegas as the place to go if you want to get away with something. Using some scenes that suggest some covert relationships and secret romantic liaisons, the tantalizing promise that flashes across the screen simply says: "What you do here stays here." Wrong!