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Friday, January 10, 2014

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I checked the bread drawer and it was still there, but there was a smell! Our daughter was visiting and she put in a bagel order with her aunt. She said, "I want an onion bagel." Well, somehow that onion bagel spent a few days in that bread drawer before it finally disappeared. Oh, the bagel was gone, but the smell remained. Well, that's not correct. Oh, no! In fact, the taste wasn't even gone. That little round stinker flavored every bagel in the drawer. So they all tasted like onion bagels now. I even had a bag of Starburst candies in the bread drawer, (Don't ask me why.) and guess what? You should try those with a little onion flavor! Yum, yum! Who would have guessed that one thing could stink up and flavor everything?

Monday, December 30, 2013

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It's a good thing our oldest son could outrun his sister when they were kids, especially after one of our "earthquake drills." Oh, the earth wasn't really shaking. It started after we returned from a trip to California where we heard a lot about earthquakes. So - for no intelligent reason I can think of - I would occasionally yell randomly, "Earthquake drill!" And the ensuing script went something like this. Brother would run to his sister and hold her tightly. Father: "What are you doing, son?" Brother: "You said if there was an earthquake, we should hang onto something heavy!" This is when speed saved his young life.

Friday, December 27, 2013

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I guess there's a daredevil inside of most little boys. They like to push the limits of safety and sanity. If you've got a boy or ever raised one, you know that. I'm not sure that part of the boy ever grows up, even when that boy becomes a man. I know that whenever we would hike to the top of a mountain, I would tend to head toward the edge of the cliff. That's where you get the best view, right?

Monday, December 9, 2013

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The names we use to describe people all depend on which side we're on. For example, if there are leftists who are trying to overthrow a pro-western government, we call them guerillas or revolutionaries. If pro-western guerillas are trying to overthrow a leftist government, we call them freedom fighters. If someone comes to our side, they're defectors. If they leave our side, they're deserters. You're probably either coming or going right now.

Friday, November 29, 2013

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Don't ever get behind me in a grocery store checkout line. I told a man that just the other day. You see, this time, once again, the line stopped moving as soon as I got in it. Something usually goes wrong in a line I'm in. It's just a part of my lot in life. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but when I get in a line, all of a sudden the shift changes, or the toll booth light suddenly goes from green to red, or an argument breaks out in front of me, or people are having trouble paying, or something like that.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

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Each year in my Campus Life Club we would have a meeting honoring the football players and the cheerleaders. And we had a crowd-breaker that was always great for laughs. We'd get three cheerleaders up front. We'd give them a bag filled with a complete football uniform, pads and all, minus a couple of items that would have been inappropriate. And then with a player coaching them verbally, the cheerleaders raced to see who could get all their uniform on first. You don't realize how much gear a football player has to put on until you try to figure out where all those pads go; knee pads, shoulder pads, hip pads. I mean, it's a lot to figure out!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

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Well, it's time to get out the old winter wardrobe again, and a lot of us don't mind. You see, there's something very special about winter clothes - they're big, they're bulky. In other words, those sweaters cover a multitude of bulges and figure-faults unlike those summer clothes. Remember them? They reveal entirely too much, and I'm not even talking about modesty here. I'm talking honesty about all the figure problems. You know? Winter covers the bulges; summer exposes them. And in that sense, summer is coming for each of us.

Monday, November 18, 2013

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I don't mind sharing my cereal with my family or with house guests. I draw the line at sharing it with the bugs in the house. They seem to like my shredded wheat. In fact, given a chance, these bugs somehow get into the cabinet, get into the box and help themselves. It's not fun to find them sharing your cereal when you open the box in the morning. Eventually they hatch out into moths.

Friday, November 15, 2013

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Most days of my life I have to assess the damage from the day before - on a scale. When you have a history of being sort of "blimpy" when you were young and a slow metabolism as I do, it's very good to weigh yourself every day. One summer we spent the night with our son who was staying in a mobile home. He was unusually enthusiastic about the scale he had. He really wanted us to weigh ourselves on it. See, he's a scale watcher too.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

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Over the years I've been placed in positions where I was supposed to motivate people to do something. Obviously that word motivate comes from the same word as motion - get people moving in some area. And I have to say my greatest motivational challenges have not come with large groups or with small groups; well one small group especially - my family. How do you motivate two boys to clean their room? If someone ever wrote an effective book on this, oh I would have bought it. It could have been a best seller. I won't be writing it, so go ahead.

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