Tuesday, July 9, 2002

Courtney is the daughter of one of our staff, and she had a miserable cold on her ninth birthday. So, no party, no "happy birthdays" at school. I gave her a quick call that day and I sang "Happy Birthday" to her - which may have made her sicker. But I wanted to do something to cheer her up a little that day. You know, it's tough to be sick on your birthday. Well, Courtney and her seven-year-old brother Eddie were in the office the other day. I joked with them and said, "I guess Courtney's still eight - 'cause if you're sick on your birthday, it doesn't count." Ha ha, very funny. That night as Eddie was wrapping up his day, he told his Mother, "Hey, guess what? Courtney isn't two years older than me after all!" When Mom asked why, Eddie said, "Because Ron said that if you're sick on your birthday, your birthday doesn't count!" He was serious.

Monday, July 1, 2002

In the house where I grew up, we drank a lot of milk. In the house where my wife grew up, they tried to get her to drink a lot of milk. But there was one glass of milk she had when she was a little girl that sort of ruined milk for her from then on. It had this really bitter taste - and her parents, not knowing how it tasted, forced her to finish drinking it. Well, as Farm Girl explained it to City Boy here, their cows had apparently been eating something called bitterweed - which turns what they produce into something bitter. Just ask my wife.

Friday, June 28, 2002

As the kids were growing up, my wife and I would sometimes sneak into the kitchen to - well, the kids said it was to "smooch." We were known to occasionally grab a quick hug and kiss in what we thought was a private spot. One time when I started "smooching" with my wife, I forgot that our baby son was sitting there in his high chair. Suddenly, in the midst of this romantic moment, I hear this laughing, and clapping, and banging on his high chair tray. It was like he was saying, "Go for it, Mommy and Daddy!" And over the years, we would be hugging sometimes when we suddenly felt a little person wiggling in between us - sometimes two little persons, or even three. And invariably, we'd see big blue eyes looking up at us, and one of our kids saying, "Mommy, Daddy - can I be in the middle of your love?"

Thursday, June 27, 2002

It was 1908 - in the early days of Major League baseball in America. The Chicago Cubs and the New York Giants were battling it out for the National League championship and the opportunity to play in the World Series. New York first baseman Fred Merkle was in position to be a game-winning hero actually. He was on base when a teammate got a hit that would enable Merkle to score. And he thought he had as he crossed home plate. But the Cubs touched second base and claimed that Merkle had missed that base as he was running to score. The umpire ruled that the almost-hero was out at second because he hadn't touched the base. That mistake ultimately cost his team the championship.

Wednesday, June 26, 2002

There are few things more scary than the dormitory room of a college man. Let's just say that the average college guy does not put a high priority on order or cleanliness in his personal world. Some wife is listening and saying, "It's not just college guys, buddy!" Well, fine. I'm talking about college guys. One year in college, our son was in a suite where four guys shared two rooms and one bathroom. When I commented on the growing need for the bathroom floor to get washed, he told me about their neighbors' room. Those four men had somehow managed to go through the entire school year without once cleaning their bathroom floor. Of course, it got so gross that they didn't want to walk on it anymore. There were strange new organisms growing there. Oh, did they clean it then? Oh no, no - they put boards down on the floor to cover the mess!

Monday, June 24, 2002

I've got a friend who has a lot more beautiful jewelry than her income can afford. She's just really good at getting terrific deals in pawn shops. She only goes to the reputable ones and over the years, she's managed to keep trading up. My friend has an unbelievable instinct for a good deal and she's got the savvy to land that deal. The other day I saw her with this beautiful full-carat diamond ring on. The store price was $2,000 - which there was no way she had. But she had her little bag of trading treasures with her. She traded items that didn't really matter much to her - and she ended up getting that ring for $200.

Friday, June 21, 2002

I had an opportunity to spend a little time recently with a young man who just finished his hitch in the United States Marine Corps. He must have been a good one - he was trusted with some very sensitive, very strategic assignments. He reminded me of that tremendous two-word motto of the Marine Corps - "Semper fidelis." That's Latin, of course, for "always faithful." But then he told me that there is another unofficial motto that Marines have - one that helps them respond effectively to their assignments. "Semper Gumby." You're probably saying what I said when I heard it - "Uh, what did he say?" Well, you and I both heard it right. And, yes, he was referring to that animated clay figure, Gumby, that can bend any direction. So what is "Semper Gumby"? Always flexible!

Wednesday, June 19, 2002

Every generation has its favorite children’s TV programs - my source on the newest programs, of course, is my three-year-old grandson. The other day he told me about an animated character named Swiper who appears on this one show. Swiper is a fox who keeps - you guessed it - swiping things from the little girl who’s the star of the show. But, thankfully, the other characters are not defenseless against this little thief. Oh no, they have learned to shout three little words when the larcenous fox shows up - “Swiper, no swiping!” If they yell it three times, Swiper has to give back what he stole. Right!

Wednesday, June 12, 2002

Our three-year-old grandson was talking with his grandmother on the phone. And all was well. Then he handed the phone over to his Mom and took off across the room to play. Suddenly, Grandma heard him crying in the background. He had tripped over something and actually he had fallen pretty hard. Nothing serious, but he was hurting. Well, he walked back over to Mom and he cried through his tears – “I want to rewind and talk to Grandma!”

Thursday, May 30, 2002

When England's Queen Mother died, the British people poured out their affection and respect by lining up for hours to honor her. Her crown was displayed, including the massive, 105-carat diamond - what is known as the Kohinoor Diamond. Actually, Kohinoor means "mountain of light." The story, as I was told it, is that years ago that diamond was given to Queen Victoria by an Indian maharajah when he was a boy. Later, as a grown man, he visited the queen and requested that the diamond be brought from the Tower of London to Buckingham Palace. Kneeling before the queen, he gave it back to her saying, "Your Majesty, I gave you this jewel when I was a child, too young to know what I was doing. I want to give it to you again in the fullness of my strength, with all of my heart and gratitude, now and forever, fully realizing all that I do."

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

I don't do hospitals. Well, I mean I visit people in hospitals - but I don't stay there myself. I've been blessed not to have to stay during my whole adult life actually. Until a few months ago. For a guy who has very few sick days, this one bout of the flu really knocked me out. My blood pressure dropped, I dropped - and I ended up in the emergency room, being treated for dehydration. I thought they'd give me some rehydration fluids and I'd be on my way. Instead, they decided to admit me because I could only hold intravenous fluids due to the flu. I was not a happy boy. Under my breath I was muttering, "Mur-mur-mur-mur-mur." Until my sister-in-law stopped by and reminded me of something I had told her once. (Don't you just hate it when people nail you with your own words?) She simply said, "Ron, remember who you are, and remember why you're here." Oh, yeah.

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

We're speeding down the Interstate when suddenly we come upon this RV, pulling a small car behind him. It looked like the little car was actually pushing this big recreational vehicle, but, of course, I knew that couldn't be. The car's license plate was clearly visible - it said, "Me also." That didn't make any sense until I managed to get a glimpse of the license plate on the RV that was pulling that car. It said, "I'm happy." Cute.

Monday, May 27, 2002

Speaking at National Football League pre-game chapels has always been an honor. You should see me in a roomful of those pro football giants - when I stand next to one of them, it looks like "Bring Your Son to Work" day. But over the years, we've gotten to know some of those players - so it's been very special to take their gift of tickets and go watch them play. Having been with them on the morning of game day, it's clear that this is much more than a game to them - you can tell by their seriousness and their intensity. Which is in total contrast to the fans I then get to sit next to at the game. They're cooking out, drinking, then they go in the stadium and cheering - or jeering - the home team.

This one very obnoxious guy kept jumping up and criticizing almost every play our team ran. He was such an expert - and so annoyingly loud about it. Now, I know a little of what's going on for those players - this is their livelihood, their profession, their future, their body that's on the line. For Mr. Fan, hey, this is just a party with no pain. I can't tell you how badly I just wanted to stand up and shout, "Hey, buddy! Why don't you get out of the stands and get in the game!"

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

My wife and I passed a sign for a town with what I found to be an amusing name - "Girdletree." Now, if you live there, I'm sorry - but I did get a chuckle out of that name. And then my wife let me know that "girdletree" really described a process I had never heard of. She said, "When I was a kid, my Dad used to girdle trees on our farm." Now without further explanation, that's going to get some ridiculous images going in your overactive imagination. Now, what she described to me was a process her Dad, and other farmers, used to soften a tree so it would be easier to bring down the next year. He took his ax, and he cut a ring in the bark that "girdled" the entire trunk at that point. The idea was to cut off the tree's sap delivery system. And it worked. The next year, that tree was softer and pretty easy to bring down. So, I'm not laughing anymore.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

Our daughter called the other day and told us that we had to hear what our three-year-old grandson had just said to her - totally unprompted, out of the blue. He got on the phone and simply said, "Ronald." My wife and I cracked up. That's exactly what my wife says to me when I'm doing something weird - which, of course, is very, very rare. It's her lighthearted way of trying to correct this crazy guy she's married to. But our grandson had even mastered the tone of what she says - "Ronald." All this time he's been listening, recording - and now reproducing. Like we should be surprised?

Monday, May 20, 2002

Let's say you have a friend who's a classical music fan - and he really likes the music of this composer named Beethoven. Now, you don't know much about this Beethoven guy, but you accept your friend's invitation to go to a concert where Beethoven's Fifth Symphony is going to be presented. The performers are the local junior high band. Now your friend has told you repeatedly that Beethoven was a genius and his music spectacular. But, after hearing the squeaking and squawking of 13-year-olds giving that symphony a go, you walk out saying, "Man, forget this Beethoven guy and his music!"

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

The financial collapse of Enron's energy empire sent shock waves through America's financial community. When questions began to arise about the practices of Enron's accounting firm, the damage from the quake spread faster and farther. That firm has been one of America's "Big 5," doing both the accounting and financial consulting for some of this country's biggest corporations. It may take many months, even years, to sort out what really happened. But the questions alone have had a devastating effect, with client after client bailing out of their relationship with the accounting firm, leaving it severely crippled. And it all happened so fast.

Friday, May 10, 2002

My wife had plans for that particular Saturday. And, I was busy working with our high school football team. But all that changed really fast. A friend came running to get me because our then 12-year-old son had injured himself playing a pickup game of football in the park. As I arrived at the field, he came walking up to me holding one arm, breaking my heart with the most pained and pitiful look I think I've ever seen in his big blue eyes. One glance told me that he had broken his arm - it was protruding grotesquely. And, needless to say, our plans for that day went out the window. There was something much more important to do. We had a broken son.

Thursday, May 9, 2002

My wife was driving one night recently when she saw a sad sight by the side of a busy interstate. She first noticed a dog standing dangerously close to the edge of the highway. Then she realized that the dog was actually standing over another animal that was lying in front of him. The dog was sniffing his companion, and nuzzling his companion, and apparently pushing it trying to get some response. She said the dog would look up at passing motorists with an expression that seemed to say, "Can anybody do something?" Well, no one could.

Monday, April 29, 2002

Now, I'm a passenger on airplanes, not a pilot. And that's a good thing. But I have a lot of friends who are pilots - and they've taught me a lot about my attitude. They tell me that "attitude" is actually a pilots' word. As they've explained it to me, the attitude of your plane has to do with its relationship to the horizon. Other things are variable - terrain, weather, even the pilot's perceptions. But the horizon is the one thing that doesn't move. So you want the nose of your plane properly aligned with that horizon. When it isn't, problems can develop - like friction, for example.