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I grew up in Illinois. It's hard to find high mountains there. I think the highest in the state was like 2,000 feet. So, man, when I go west, "Whew!" impressed by the mountains. And as my friend from the Rockies pointed out, what we called mountains were nothing more than glorified hills.
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My wife's been such an invaluable help in the ministry. The least I can do is "pitch in" at home. Huh? A lot of jobs are so much easier if you've got two people working on them. One of those is the simple task of making a bed. Of course, this is the age of fitted sheets; the ones with the elastic on each corner. Pulling sheet corner number one over bed corner number one? That's easy. So is corner number two. Corner number three requires just a little more pull, because you've already anchored two other corners. Now, the challenge is that fourth corner. You really have to stretch it to get that sheet over that final edge.
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You're missing a lot if you only expect God to speak to you in church. I mean, the other morning I was in a hotel in the shower and God spoke to me there. You see, it doesn't take much. I noticed as I was taking a shower this little gadget in the wall, and I looked at it and it said, "Retractable Clothesline." And I thought, "Well, that's a clever invention." Probably I've seen them before; I never noticed it really before. And I went, "Well, you know, that's a great idea." You pull out the clothesline when you need it to hang up something in the bathroom, you leave it out as long as it's useful, and then it disappears completely when it's in the way. Retract ability - that's a great idea when it comes to clotheslines. It's not such a great idea when it comes to more important things.
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Back in my old Bible school days, some of my friends liked to get a little "punchy" when they got tired. And that's when you would see them doing what they would call "rapture practice." Yeah, you probably know the Bible describes Christ's coming for His own people, and a trumpet will sound and Christians caught up in the air to meet Him.
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Growing up, my sons never lived anywhere but in the New York area. And, therefore, they developed some pretty intense loyalty to things New York. Take the baseball season for example. Yep, they're still diehard Yankee fans. I mean, even when their Yankees weren't giving them much to cheer about. My sons were so dedicated and they really still are to the Yankees, that after a particularly embarrassing loss my youngest son made it a point to wear his Yankee shirt to school.
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I meet a lot of single people in their twenties and thirties, and of course, a lot of them would like to be married. Either they haven't found the right person yet, or they found someone with like commitment phobia who hears wedding bells and runs the other way. Our mate selection process, as you may know very personally, is a little uncertain and sometimes messed up, actually.
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It was one of the classic commercials of all time. It was the Alka Seltzer commercial: two tablets dropping into a glass of water to the tune of "plop, plop, fizz, fizz"? Usually, they showed someone eating something disagreeable just before bedtime; someone who could only be rescued from terminal indigestion with "plop, plop, fizz, fizz". Several years ago, I met someone who knew that agony; the agony of late night stomach revolt.
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I'm not normal. No. I mean, most folks watch the women's Olympic figure skating in the winter Olympics and just enjoy the grace of the "twizzles" and the "triple lutzes." Not me. I'm a story guy. So I'm sitting there mulling the stories of those skaters. And thinking, "We've got something to learn from her."
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Well, it had been a long wait, like 20 years, but then the 1996 New York Yankees won the World Series! Now, they had to beat the champs to do it, the Atlanta Braves. And after the first two games of that best of seven series, I thought the Yankees had gone into a coma; they got creamed! That's when it got exciting. They came back to win the next two games, and then the series was tied at two games apiece of course. And the Yankees, then, appeared to doze off again in game five. They were behind six to nothing!
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Jim was a partner with us in some of our radio outreach to young people, and he's a man who refused to be stopped with his limitations. He was blind. In fact, he launched a pioneer program in his area that was planned and hosted by young people. We talked to Jim and we got some incredible news. He had just come through surgery with his very own medical miracle. He woke up from that operation with some of the sight restored that he had lost years before. And he told us how beautiful the mountains were, and especially how beautiful his wife was. He said, "I finally see my wife for the first time in 16 years!" What a breakthrough!
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Boxing! Some people like it and a lot of people don't. But those ever present "Rocky" movies sort of elevated boxing to a battlefield between the nice guy underdog and the not-so-nice favorite. A lot of boxing favorites thought it was sort of a rocky matchup when Evander Holyfield went against Mike Tyson some years ago for the WBA Heavyweight Championship. Now, Holyfield was a 25/1 underdog when the fight was booked. Tyson was the almost invincible Iron Mike, called by some commentators the baddest man on the planet. Well, much to almost everyone's surprise, including Las Vegas where a lot of money was lost, the underdog - Holyfield - soundly defeated Mike Tyson.
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Okay, I'm a typical American. I like football, baseball, basketball. Luge, bobsled, slopestyle, halfpipe - not so much. But, like millions of others, something about the winter Olympics drew me in to watch sports that I know little about. It's because of the drama; the human drama. The world's best on the world stage, with much of their life invested in what will be only minutes of their life, giving it all for the glory of winning or the agony of losing.
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All of a sudden The Son of God was in theaters all over the place. Actually, the movie by that title. And based on an opening weekend, at least, it was drawing a crowd. Of course it's not the first time something like this has happened. "The Passion of the Christ" turned out to be a blockbuster, too. Who'd have guessed that?
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One thing I was never tempted to be was the neighborhood bully. First of all, you have to be big to be him! I never got there. Then, in the Chicago neighborhood where I grew up, there was a guy big enough to bully all of us. His name, (Oh, you're not going to believe this.) It was Boomer. If his Mother named him that, it's her fault he was a bully. It was predestined.
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Oh, for goodness sake, it was the polar vortex again! There I was, digging out the sweaters again, and turning up the thermostat to help the Propane Dealers Retirement Fund. And hoping the weatherman was wrong about snow and ice.
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Most women have learned that men are never lost. Oh no! Or so men think. Some man is driving, let's say, from Chicago to L.A., and his wife says, "Honey, why did we just enter Pennsylvania?" Is he lost? Oh, no, no! He's exploring a new scenic route.
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I guess it started when the kids were growing up. You know, it says in the Dad's Job Description, "Must have quarters at all times!" Even now when I travel I still try to carry some quarters, and I also make sure I have enough ones and even fives. You never know when you're going to need a vending machine. Not need; actually want a vending machine. I'm in a hotel, I'm working late and I want a snack or I want a cold drink. So I go through the familiar ritual: put the dollar bill in, then the quarters, hit the selection button, and something good comes out. At least it had better! I mean, it's pretty annoying if you put your money in there and you don't get anything back. I probably wouldn't put any more money in that machine.
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If you think about it, there are two words that's kind of unlikely would ever be matched up: channel and surfing. Channel surfing! Well, of course, that refers to the practice of skipping from one channel to another to see what's on each one. Drives my wife crazy! But everybody knows the man is the king of the remote, right? We are experts at that! Have master's degrees in that. Now, when there were only a few channels, we didn't surf much. But look what cable and satellite did! I mean, you've got dozens, maybe hundreds of channels to check out. And as you surf, you may get a glimpse of a sports channel, a travel channel, a food channel, a movie channel, and a country music channel, nature channel, and of course a home shopping channel. Let's really skip that one.
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We have a family doctor I totally trust. I'm a very blessed guy. I mean, I've had one over the years wherever I've lived. But I can't say that I look for opportunities to go see him. If I do, I've got a lot of reasons to trust him. Not the least of which is, he asks me about my symptoms. So I give him all the clues I can. He's kind of like a medical Sherlock. I tell him where it hurts, I tell him when it started, and I tell him how I got desperate enough to finally come to the doctor's office.
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Our youngest son had an interesting method of weight control. He would eat what he wanted for a while, and then suddenly he would reverse all engines for a day or two. He would announce, "Today is a Slim Fast day!" That means drink diet milk shakes three times a day. Now, when you like to eat, drinking all three meals, I'm sorry, that's not very satisfying.
