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Monday, October 9, 2017

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Tall grass-dead mower. That was my sad situation last spring. I tried everything to get my power mower going, but it really didn't want to start. Of course, that didn't stop the lawn from growing, no. I went away for a little while, came back, and the grass was now taking over. (Get your machete, Ron.) Well, I played with my mower again and again, and it still didn't respond. We were starting to look like maybe the set of a "Tarzan" movie. And my mower, oh it didn't care. So I started looking for alternative equipment to get the job done. Let's see, my hair clippers. Yeah, how about that uh...the ones you use for your haircuts? I was desperate, but I did not try to cut the grass with my hair clippers. No, they work great on hair; they would not work great on my lawn. But, on the other hand, how would you like to get your hair cut with a lawn mower?

Friday, October 6, 2017

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New York City is a bit of a shock to any first-time visitor. It's especially jarring for someone who has spent her whole life on an Indian Reservation. Now, Linda was from the Navajo Reservation in Arizona and she was part of our ministry's Native American Youth Outreach Team that we call "On Eagle's Wings." She was able to see New York from a distance at first. There's the Empire State Building, there's the skyline, and she said she wanted to see it all up close. Ha! Well, that may have changed now that she has seen it up close. See, she went in with us when I spoke in the city one night and the traffic and the crowds; man, they were all over the place and they made her feel like maybe she was on a battlefield without a helmet. She also found certain aspects of the city exciting and she might go back. But as our team was driving along the Hudson River, we were headed for the George Washington Bridge and Linda must have been reflecting on her life on the reservation for a minute because she just looked up into the Big Apple sky and she just said two words, "No stars."

Thursday, October 5, 2017

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If you grew up on a farm, there's probably a dog in your memories. For my farm girl, Karen, that dog was a Collie cattle dog named King. King was great at rounding up her Dad's cattle. All Dad would have to do was to whistle that certain whistle, and King would start circling and circling those cattle until he herded them in. But there was a problem. One day a chicken got out, and King killed that chicken-which gave that valuable dog the taste of blood. They tell me if you can't cure that in a dog, you can't afford to keep that dog. The dog either has to be killed or disciplined so he'll never forget. So Dad took that dead chicken (now, get this) tied its legs around King's neck with some twine. Needless to say, this dog tried everything to shake that dead chicken, but as the day wore on, the bird he killed did not improve with age. No, by the end of the day, King's head and tail were hanging very low. Look, it's a painful way to learn the seriousness of what he had done, but not nearly as painful as the alternative.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

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Birds had moved into the vent in the exhaust fan of our kitchen range while we were on vacation. Isn't that nice? They set up their little nest and made themselves really at home. And, man, were they noisy neighbors! The nest was so huge it made the fan unworkable. And some lovely spiders were hanging down from the hood on the stove. Our problem was that trying to remove that nest might have killed that nest full of baby birds. Well, we couldn't see them, but man, we could sure hear them when they were hungry! So, we waited until Mom and Dad bird took the babies out. A couple of weeks later, after we were sure they were gone, I got a long stick and I proceeded to rake out the rest. But when we removed the nest, we discovered a little surprise. Well, no, actually, a big, fat surprise. There was the fattest bird we had ever seen, sitting in the nest. As my wife went to get gloves and a box, he got away. But it literally took a major earthquake to get that bird out of his nest!

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

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Occasionally I see this bumper sticker that says, "I brake for antique shops." I'm not a bumper sticker guy, but I think we would qualify for that over the years, depending on who was driving-my wife or me. If it was my wife, we were a lot more likely to break for an antique shop. But my wife was not so much into collecting old stuff, it was more about finding items that she had as a girl growing up on a farm that had very few modern conveniences. And she had an eye for what was real and what was just a reproduction: Depression Glass, pottery, butter churns, even old violins. Take the famous Stradivarius violin. You know, there are relatively few originals. There are a lot of copies.

Monday, October 2, 2017

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When I'm on the road and staying in a motel, I'm often leaving pretty early that day for the responsibilities I have. But by the time I return late that night, something amazing has happened. The bed is made and I didn't make it! I've got new, clean towels! I didn't find them. Everything's straightened and neat. I even get these cool little soaps now that are in the bathroom! The Room Fairy has been there! Now, I know that not because I've seen the maid (actually I haven't), but because I can see the results of her work all over the place.

Friday, September 29, 2017

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It's not much fun to perform without an audience, right? Toddlers, oh they believe that for sure. Our family was having one of those rare opportunities we could all get together, and we were having some great conversations, keeping one eye on our little two-year-old granddaughter. And one eye wasn't enough for her. Huh-uh! Using her recently enhanced motor skills, she started running wide circles right in the middle of the room. After her first two spins-which did manage to get our attention-she called out two little words (I didn't even know she knew them), "Watch this!" We did.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

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When my wife and I would drive somewhere, we didn't lose any time when she drove. In fact, we set some records. Once we were on a trip and I was preparing for the meetings we were going to, she was driving down this four-lane, divided highway. I was looking down. All of a sudden, I looked up and I saw orange plastic cones on the middle line that divides the two lanes on our side. I wasn't clear which lane we were supposed to be driving in, because I hadn't been looking. And as I looked, every vehicle but one was moving into the left lane, to the left of the cones. You notice I said everyone but one. Yeah, that was us. My wife continued in the right lane, and I said, "Honey, what are you doing? Looks like this lane is closing." She said, "Just watch." Well, we passed a line of cars on our left, with a big truck at the head of it. See, that truck had moved into the left lane, and all the other cars said, "Oh, that must be the lane to be in." and all the other cars followed the big truck. The problem was that the truck that they were following was taking equipment to a big tar truck parked in the left lane, so we waved as we zipped by all those cars as they were heading for an unpleasant surprise.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

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Well, the doctor says I'm shrinking, but I think it started at about 5'8". Now, you might know that, because I sound really tall, right? Yeah. Years ago, I was carrying 210 pounds on this little body. But thankfully, I got about 45 pounds off and then it's been off for a lot of years. Of course, I've still got the same metabolism that inflated this body many years ago. Oh, do I know about dieting! Yeah. And I also know the point at which your diet is in the greatest danger. Here's how it goes! OK, you've really been good…the scale has been giving you good news the last couple of weeks…your diet discipline is holding. Then somebody offers you something that you just can't resist. Why don't we try a few French fries. You consume them in one bite. So, now what? You buy a whole order of fries for yourself. And now you feel bad. You've blown your diet. You could just get back on track right then, right? But no-you say to yourself, "I blew it! I've failed! Oh well, what's the use? I might as well have a milk shake to wash down those fries. Hey, anybody got the number of Pizza Heaven?" Okay, yeah, you messed up. So you give up and you soon return to your former roundness.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

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One little light. That's all it took to render our car totally unusable. The little light in the rear of our vehicle was left on one night after we unloaded some things, and it stayed on for several days while we were gone. When we got back, everything in that car said, "I'm not starting, pal!" because that one little light totally drained our battery. But then came the hero! Yes, up came our friend in his pickup truck with his trusty jumper cables. And those cables delivered the energy that my flat old battery needed to run again!

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