When Life Is Suddenly Out of Your Control: Walking Through Crisis, with Lisa’s friend Maryann | Thrive In The Mess | Hutchcraft Ministries

Lisa:
Welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I'm your host, Lisa Hutchcraft Whitmer. I hope today's an encouragement to you.

I have a longtime friend of mine. Marianne and we've known each other since high school days. And she is she still lives in New Jersey, which is my home state.

So today is a little extra special because she spoiled me and brought New Jersey pizza, which is really great. No offense to any pizza anywhere else, but we're actually going to Take a bite of New Jersey pizza. Yes.

Our pizza, which you can eat like with um You can eat folded. You can do whatever you want with it, but You spoil me. Wow.

You had to have a slice of pigs up. This is so good. Well maybe I'll nibble on it more.

No, I can't talk. Quick swallow. Well, yeah, so thank you very much for the nutrition pizza.

That is like I grew up with that And it's very, very good. So we're and I brought some goodies too for you. So when we talk about hard things, you can nibble.

Yeah. It's not this decoration. But well My friend Maryann um walked through something in her 30s at one point.

Something hit out of the blue. Yeah. And it's a little scary.

You had two girls Uh married, two girls, right, and all of a sudden you had a pretty serious medical diagnosis. Yes. And We just kinda want to look at that.

It would have been very terrifying for any mom and you start thinking th certain things and can you tell us what happened?

Maryann:
Sure, sure. So my children were Two Rachel was two and a half and Nicole was six. Two and a half and six.

So young. Yeah, right. Very young.

Um I wound up having a sinus infection. That just didn't go away. Yeah.

And, you know, running with everything going on, are you really gonna go, you know, check it out? Right. So um and that turned into fast forward, it was like a week later, I just constant headaches, went to urgent care, and then turned out this this day, which was actually yesterday, 21 years ago, That which is I know.

So so it turned out I I had a cold 911. My husband thought I had the flu. So he went to work, but he had his parents come here, even though my parents were here as well, because I took care of them too at the time.

Lisa:
So it was a lot of moving factors. So you were taking care of two generations and actually two sets of parents in the older generation in a way?

Maryann:
Well, at at that time my in-laws were self-sub-free. Okay.

Lisa:
So two gener And then you have this going on and you don't know what's happening.

Maryann:
So they came over to watch the kids and I just I called nine one one and I wound up going to the emergency room and still not knowing what's going on, but I was just So sick. I'm like, I have to go to the emergency room. Long story short, they took all of these tests and they did a spinal tap and they said I had bacterial meningitis, which was Yeah Which is frightening. It right it was frightening and it just things were just spinning and I'm like, now what?

Lisa:
And it's hard to just be sick like with a cold with children because you're still trying to keep up with them and care for them and right.

Maryann:
And what am I supposed to I'm like, well now I know I'm not going home. Right. You know, like I'm I'm here.

And I was there for I would think five days there. Thank goodness. Thank God.

I will say thank God that he with the medication they cured me of that. Um they said it was it it was very serious. It could have been like a coma or death.

Lisa:
Right. Well you hear meningitis and that's frightening right off the bat.

Maryann:
It was um so that was like hurdle battle number one. And then like, you know, so I'm getting better through the days, but I'm still like my oldest was in kindergarten. And we had to like kind of get that make sure she was going to school and coming back.

You know, that house And you're home now from the hospital. You're still in the hospital. Yes, I was in there for five days.

I never came home. So it was like a two so And my little one, Rachel, she was two and a half.

Lisa:
And that like this is heartbreaking that Where's mommy?

Maryann:
I know.

Lisa:
Yeah.

Maryann:
They canceled the high once I was out of um I was able to be What do you qu like quarant not quarantined because it was contagious.

Lisa:
Are you quarantined with that?

Maryann:
Yes. I was an ICU.

Lisa:
So could like your husband come in or any your parents?

Maryann:
The the infectious disease person said I had homophilus influenza in my brain. That's what it turned out to be.

Lisa:
Oh my god, oh no.

Maryann:
I don't even know what that means. I know. I guess it was like the flu virus in my brain. I don't even Yeah, so it was I mean, that's how he explained it. But it wasn't what turned out it really wasn't it was contained in my s head, so it wasn't really contagious.

Lisa:
Right.

Maryann:
Um so then the hospital here said this is all we can do, like we cleared you of the meningitis. Now we gotta know why did you get it So I had to go to New York, Mount Sinai, and they had a wonderful team of people who figured out what They had to do. Um but before I left that hospital, a cousin of mine lived right down the street.

They came over and prayed. This is this is just beautiful. They prayed I think it was like a song dealing with mercy seat.

It was amazing. The song I remember because I was kinda in and out, but the word mercy. And when I got transf ported to New York that night.

It was like eleven o'clock at night. My nurse's name was Mercy. I s I'm like, oh thank you God.

Thank you, God. We call dad weights. And I'm like, Wow, thank you God.

Lisa:
We always call it those God sightings. God wings. I like that. Yeah.

Maryann:
And I was like, okay, thank you. I know you're with me now. I mean I knew he was with, but it was nice to have that comfort.

Yeah. And um because my husband couldn't go at eleven o'clock at night. Right.

He was home with the kids. So um then 'cause I I'll fast forward, they found out I had three encephalosils, three holes in my sinus cavities, so they had to do reconstructive surgery.

Lisa:
And Wow. Um So in your skull. Yes.

So before you tell us anymore, at that moment you've two little girls at home, your husband. Parents and do you ever at that moment are you like, not to be dramatic, but are you like, okay, God, am I going to make it? through this.

This isn't just a little thing. This could go sideways and skull things, meningitis and I like what's Other people, you know, have things that happen and you know.

Maryann:
Yeah. What's your thought at that moment? Well, I did I was I am always was very faithful and still am and I said I have to put this in God's hands.

I have to whatever is gonna happen, He will guide me through And my mom was praying, you know, she couldn't they couldn't physically come to New York. There was nowhere. So we were on the phone doing a lot of reverse call, whatever that was back then.

I know. Um And a lot of prayers through the family. And I remember calling you.

Lisa:
I remember you calling and I think Rick.

Maryann:
Yes. And Rick had answered 'cause I think my mom did too. I think you talked about your mom she raped with you.

She ra Yeah, that was when I had gotten home. I would talk a long time to your mom. Yeah.

Lisa:
Oh. You know, okay, so one thing I like about this, I love the word being intentional about things and you were intentional about getting other people to pray. Oh absolutely. Okay, yeah. I gotta get people to pray for me at that moment.

Maryann:
Absolutely. Like I knew that that's what's gonna help. Yeah.

Yeah. And I just had faith and I'm like, I I just have to I have to get through this and and the doctors made it like it was, you know, like oh you you'll be f but they were very, very good because they knew I had two small children Right. And a husband.

We lived in New Jersey. Right. Also that I was taking care of my pair.

So first off, they were going to send me back home. And then bring me back. And they're like, No, let's I had a big conference between the ENT and the neurosurgeon and they got it all together.

Thank you, God. They they really they said, let's do it now. And let's all cause I had to have surgery through my sinus, up my sinuses and Craniotomy.

Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Lisa:
So um Does that mean like they're opening your school? Oh my goodness. Well, I had like fifty

Maryann:
Five or four staples. Wow. But this neurosurgeon was so funny.

He's like, it's kind of like cabinetry work And carving a pumpkin. I'm like, okay. But he he kind of made me feel okay.

I'm like, right, right. Have you done this before, Doctor? Yeah

Lisa:
It's it's interesting because yeah, doctors, people in the medical world are so used to these things and for us it's like Okay, wait, that sounds like really serious and severe and I have loved ones. But it's really nice that they took They took it. Knowing your family and all into the mix. They really did. And did precious cargo with you working and yes, and they really did.

Maryann:
And they allowed me like so I stayed. Yeah. And then they did the surgery I didn't have to go and come back, which would be a little bit more treacherous to have to think about and come back and then go, but I go back.

Lisa:
Yeah, right, right. You wonder would you Chicken out or something. What if you hadn't had that? Would that be something that you could that like is that fatal? Would you get other infections in life?

Maryann:
Because I could potentially get another sinus infection and tr it would travel up through those sinuses that were never closed.

Lisa:
And maybe not would you get meningitis again, maybe two? Wow. So couldn't take that chance.

Right. So Oh my goodness. How about can you this is your story, but I'm just wondering your husband walking through this.

Like I'm sure Okay, my wife isn't here. The mother to my girls isn't here. You know.

That's his story to share really, but I'm kind of curious, like It was, you know shocking because again, and they're they're little and he's

Maryann:
The bread went I he was going to work right. He had to take all of it, you know, took time off, but he was running back to the city.

Lisa:
Back And New Jersey and New York are close, but it still is a lot to get in and out of the city.

Maryann:
At one point I'll never forget this. So my father-in-law wanted to come see su see me. And he goes, what was I thinking?

I had him drive. That was No bueno. So he wanted to drive and and Yeah, for whatever I guess because he was so t you know.

Yeah. And he's like, okay dad, you could drive me into the city. It was a little hectic.

He's like, oh yeah.

Lisa:
It's hecting no matter how you cut it. He's like, so driving home, he drove home. Well Dad, thank you, but the keys, please.

It's like well, and I'm sure at that moment everyone is kind of rallying too to be there. you know, you want to be there for your person and you were young, like in your thirties. We're still young.

But you're in we're in in your thirties. And so yeah. And yes.

Yeah.

Maryann:
I was young and It was nice my mother-in-law would make dinner for everybody. Well he it was a very good unity here. Yeah. And my my best friend, she would she came over, she still lived in Wayne, and she would make sure the kids had fun and played with them and and took care of took them on walks.

Lisa:
Yeah. Um that's another special thing. I feel like it is just community.

Community comes into play so much whether it's family or Friends, some people live where they don't have family around. And like I even grew up with my parents being away from family, um, and not a whole lot of funds to be able to travel, you know, often. So I I love that you had some of that community to rally around and be there with your children.

Maryann:
And that's what made me content knowing they're okay. They're gonna be okay And we would talk on the phone, which was very cute.

Lisa:
But yeah, so then that was like a whole two week period that how long is your recovery like after having your skull? Yeah, that you know that surgery. Yeah.

I don't know the fancy word of craniotomy. Craniotomy. They had to Oh I'm in the I'm in the medical books.

Maryann:
They said that at well at that point they had never seen three encephalosils they called it. So three holes in my son.

Lisa:
But see right here, this is I have a type tape.

Maryann:
I need I'm in some medical books. I need your autograph on the textbooker I'm like, oh wow.

Lisa:
Uh so you have literally titanium in your forehead.

Maryann:
Right. Oh. Right here. Um So they claim, which I don't know, I I won't get wrinkles up here.

Lisa:
That's what they Wait a minute. This is a very dramatic beauty tip.

Maryann:
Very, very dramatic. And I'm like, I guess not. Because I can't I can't I don't remember ever here yet. That's hilarious. Yeah.

Lisa:
Wow. So that's okay. So get a titanium forehead and you will never have wrinkles.

But wow, to get to that point then is really like there's laughter now. Now at the time you're connecting with your girls, your uh, you know, I there give me a little bit of like, okay, you're laying in bed. Mom's your go go go.

Yeah. How are you? Like, is there joy?

Is there just freaking out staring at the hospital wall?

Maryann:
Like, okay, you know. This was another God wink. So The neuro no wait yes, no, it was the ENT's like I don't know what you would call I guess assistant.

He was like his go-to person. I mean this guy was like incredible there. And he was like the Thank goodness for both the neurosurgeon and the ENT.

They were phenomenal. Wow. So I forgot his name.

Anyway, that the young man that was like his assistant. So I'm like, oh, you know, he I I guess I was talking about God. And he's like, oh I'm studying to be a deacon.

So he literally would do b like he pulled out the Bible when Matt and I were there and we were reading Bible verses. Wow, how encouraging. It was just so Wonderful to have all of that before my day of surgery.

Lisa:
Right. Well, and I know even when you called and explained some of that and reaching out for prayer prayer and walking through that. And uh so were there any verses either that he read to you or other things that like really stood out to you that really we're encouraging to you through that eye stretch.

Maryann:
Don't remember then, but I always have Psalm 91. That was like my mom's favorite word. God is protecting you and uh what what is it it's um here yes well I have it's uh my my refuge and my fortress my God in whom I trust She said all the time I'm like and then it would go on no matter what circumstance you're in, God will always protect these people.

And then there was another one. What was it? Matthew 19.

Oh, with I oh I have a little thing. I always have it with God. All things are possible.

Really? I love that. With God, all things are possible.

I didn't have it on my door open.

Lisa:
Wow. Well you walked through some like I th that's quite you know, that rocks uh anyone's world yeah but a mom where you have your young children like the the one thing we think of is oh my goodness my family needs me.

Maryann:
Yes. Who's like yeah you're thinking My gosh, I I wanna be there. There's little.

I wanna, you know, be there to r help raise them. Yeah. But they didn't I mean I'm sure that They didn't realize the extent of but they would so Matt would come every day and see me and bring the the pictures and the get well you know I still have them somewhere in this house.

Right. The writings and We love you and Wow. So it was it was a a a good it was good.

And I tell this is what I do tell people. Because we have to give it to God. And I say, you know, I used to be, I'm a very type A in control type person.

So that rocks your world even more. It did. And I said This is not on my schedule.

No. And I said it took my head having to be cut open to really say it I'm not driving this. this bus or call Jesus is in control. Yeah, I was very like that's powerful.

I mean I had to like my life of taking care of my kids. on top of my parents, on top of trying to work from home and all of that. But then everything was like, no. Stop.

Stop. Yeah. And God.

And I always go back to that no matter what. I'm like, see he he was in control. I could have done anything, but it was not acting my powers

Lisa:
Not my plan. Right. And it's a mess that literally we have type A, okay, it's like, I don't know, time for messes.

We try But no matter how hard uh like I was saying earlier, no matter how hard we try to have life be perfect and all the things we don't want n the boat to be rocked and the ship to be right. You know, if we can just have that even keel, then everything's good. But sometimes it uh like a moment like that even just Do you feel like you appreciate even just life or your children and your marriage?

Uh you know, some of those things it could go either way where I Oh I guess I guess I never thought of it the other way.

Maryann:
I always say I'm glad and if you tell people this, they're like, Oh, is she crazy? But I'm what I'm glad it happened. Because if that didn't happen I would still probably try to control every situation.

Wow. Oh yeah, I always say to that. I mean I was always faithful.

But I had to be in control. So now you real and I always go back to that, that you know, couldn't control that situation. And every like I always say this is what it's all like the girls growing up, like we'd be at the ocean 'cause you know, I love the Jersey Shore.

Like this. is what it's all about.

Lisa:
Jersey Shore being the beach. I know people always wonder about the television show, which I've never even seen. But it's like the beach.

People always ask me, oh you must have I'm like, I've never seen the sh but the shore is beautiful. And everyone always has their Um their place. Like you guys have a certain place you like to go.

And for us it was always Ocean City, New Jersey. So there's also one in Maryland. I've never actually been to the one in Maryland either.

But everyone has their favorite place, you know. So and then with um I love that so much of what you were saying of you I I uh you're thankful it happens because it does kinda give you a new uh it's cliche to say new lease on life, but it gives you a perspective to really no matter how much controlled

Maryann:
I remember that year. That was that was the funny part. Not fun well, now it's funny, but that year, I don't know if you remember, it was 2004.

With the kids, it was like big flu season. Do you give them a flu shot? Do you not do that?

You know, it's like, oh, back and forth. What do I do? And my mom's like, well, all right, you're gonna do it.

Well, then do, you know, because she was very you know to and I was like so obsessed on that. It isn't it interesting that I had the f flu virus in my brain.

Lisa:
Because I It was in your brain in both ways. Yes. Wow. Yes. Oh my Yeah, that's a good and I'm like, see?

Maryann:
And then while I was I'm sitting in the hospital, I'm like, none of that mattered. Yeah. Like whether they got a flu shot or not.

Right. Okay, we're gonna be fine. Just like I'm gonna be fine.

Lisa:
I love that piece that comes with that though when we Uh trusting God, you talking about like even just uh faithfully choosing to walk and look to look to God through all of this, even Um and I guess I was thinking the other way, the other extreme, would be basically walking through it and just jumping right back into life. And just like not you know what I mean? And then we forget, like, even uh no matter what the or the life event might be, and then we just jump back in and then we don't let it kinda change us a little bit and just kinda Right.

You know, deep in us. But exactly. I love that what you shared with that.

Maryann:
Uh ever since that, because I mean, all right, yes. the type A rears its ugly head, but we go back to saying it's I got you know, I There's no type A automies. Like to remove that from us. Yes, I know.

Lisa:
We have a craniotomy, but we can't have a lot of people. But that's part of choices and what we choose to let us, you know I have to tell you, I love I thought uh because I've known some of the story and but it's been a while since we've talked about it, but these words I cannot see without it, but I love this so much in Isaiah Where it says, um, and it talks about children. So that's why well, yeah, you'll see.

Um, and maybe I'm sure you've heard this, but he God tends his flock like a shepherd, he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart. He gently leads those that have young. And the Lord does that.

And I love that that even when you were in a hospital bed and caring for two generations and your husband all the things, he gently leads those who have young because that's scary as a mom. I I know, you know, you wondered will I be there? Would I you know I want to see my children grow up, all those things and all those moments and you know it's real easy as a mom to let panic kinda, you know.

Yes. kind of dictate, you know, and rule you know, our mind just run away. And I know for me, I'm already on plan Q and plan A hasn't even ha been needed, you know, if that makes sense.

I guess, yes, it does. It's like, honey, you know, once you marry this person if if I'm not here. You know, some people do that, some people don't. We've seen it both.

But yeah, it's just those things that yeah So I just love how uh I and I appreciate you sharing your mess that was a sudden diagnosis out of nowhere. that then was another thing actually too of why and that uh you know some people don't make it through meningitis and then to go through another like a big surgery and And now you're, you know, your girls are thriving, young adult women and uh just just all the things. And even in the mess, God shows up.

But I love your intentionality of just even uh looking the God through it and all of that.

Maryann:
And you know, even w because the girls were young, but through the years they always went back to that like Look what mom went through. Really? Oh yeah.

Like there's a lot of of good good things that have come from that. Well look what she you know, if she can do it like you know, it gives them and they're very spiritual. So it's a good it's a good It's a good thing.

I'm glad. I'm okay, you know. Yeah.

Lisa:
Rather And I'm so glad because I love your laughter. I love our conversations and our texting and our crazy and our whatever, you know. So I love that you also have included beauty tips in today with the titanium forehead.

Maryann:
The one really good positive part of the surgery. was they were able to do a little liposuck. The doctor's like, we're going to need to remove some fat.

Lisa:
Okay. No one's gonna argue with that.

Maryann:
Hey. I said you got.

Lisa:
Where'd they put it?

Maryann:
So yeah, they took it out of I think it was this side. This side

Lisa:
And they Not equally?

Maryann:
No, no, they took it all it was here is my score. Yeah, they took it all out of one side and then put it in the hole. Like Yeah, they put they put it in the holes and then closed up the holes. Isn't that but I was like, oh, I said, okay, I'm good with that. That was the one

Lisa:
No wrinkles in the little lipo. No wrinkles in the Great. More beauty tips with Marianne.

Some of those things have been you know, can be frightening, but I love that when we look to God as our anchor and intentionally look to him through some of those messes that uh that he is there, but that's our choice to to do that so and I love even your laughter along the way with all of that and just thank you for sharing that today. Showing us how God shows up in the middle of all that. So thank you for having me.

Well thank you for the pizza. Okay, one more bite. And next time join us on Thrive in the Mess.