Life After Divorce: Angie’s Journey of Heartache & Hope

Lisa:
Welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I'm your host, Lisa Hutchcraft Whitmer. I have an amazing guest today and I met her years ago.

And a friend of mine, Angie. So I'm absolutely thrilled to see her. It's been a while since I've seen her.

And uh I am actually traveling on the road, so we are in her kitchen But if you were in my home, I would provide goodies. So these are not uh just for decoration. And actually, uh I figured when we discuss some Hard things in life sometimes you gotta have chocolate.

So but this has a little caramel in it too. So if you were here, you could join in with us. So but but pull up a seat to the table with us today.

And we are going to uh uh chat with Angie. Angie, can you tell me a little bit about yourself? I know you teach.

Angie:
Right. I um am a public school teacher. And I've been in the public school for 13 years. And before that, um I did a little bit of homeschooling and I've taught overseas as well.

Lisa:
And one thing I love about you is just your joy, your even walking through hard things, that doesn't mean life is a piece of cake and we skip along and just smile. you really have an authentic joy and smile that I just have always appreciated about you. And I'm sure your students just adore that about you. And I know you travel, we'll get to some of that a little later, but Uh tell us a little bit about traveling. Why do you travel?

Angie:
I'd love to travel and I like to learn about new places in the world. Um I have a heart for that and When I was a little girl, um, I felt God was leading me to be a missionary um someday, which I did do.

Lisa:
Yeah.

Angie:
And I got to fulfill that. Um And so living in another culture um made me come to appreciate all sorts of different things about other cultures. And so me, it's just I have this wanderlust to learn about as many places as I can and to find the beauty um in each place.

So I've been to several places. Um last summer I got to go hiking in Iceland. I love and you tie it in with like some fitness stuff too, I know, some of the healthy things, which I also like.

Yeah. So that was um a bucket list. destination for sure and then to um do the hiking portion which was challenging.

Right, right. And uh Then I've also We've another guest too. So making sure we're safe while we're doing the podcast.

Lisa:
Right. Thrive in the mess. So here we go.

Angie:
Right, right, right. Um, and then I also um a couple of years ago received a Fulbright scholarship, Fulbright grant to go to the country of Jordan. Um to learn about migration uh through um h historical and modern day migration um in the the country of Jordan and I spent thirty days there.

Lisa:
Wow.

Angie:
So those are the two big trips that I've taken. And then I'm part of a a hiking group and we travel around.

Lisa:
Oh I love that Well and I love that uh you share that beauty that you find places with other people too through your social media, which I love being able to keep up with all that. So well, and you are a mom of three young adults who are I was just talking with your youngest who's amazing, has an amazing caring heart, caring for people in the medical field and also um that's a hard thing. I don't think I could do that because God gives all of us different gifts and I could really see her caring heart with that and I love that.

So um we need more good people who do that. But um we're going to jump into a a an issue that probably affects like everybody and uh has touched everybody pretty much. Um and that's divorce and life after divorce and Uh it's a hard thing.

Literally you uh we hear that it is the second highest stress. for a person after death of a spouse or a child. Because it is.

It is a loss. It's a death. And after losing my mom uh several years ago, that is grief.

And uh the death of a marriage is grief. You know, death of a spouse is grief. You know, there's all these different kinds of grief.

So we're walking through that. We do You know, with this we'd like to have some laughter, some uh hope and touch on faith in uh in with all of this. And so Uh divorce being a tough thing, we're gonna jump into some of that.

We're gonna do a deep dive with your journey. So and um one of the things that um that we look at is We all have messy stories. Everyone has messy in their life somewhere.

And but stories being unhappy. Do you want to rewind uh years ago and give us okay uh no one starts out marriage singing, okay, this is gonna end right not together. Um just Sure.

Angie:
So um I met my husband very in college. So we were college sweethearts, I guess you could say. Um, and we were very young when we when we met and decided, you know, we're going to get married young.

We had the same beliefs and values we both wanted to be missionaries and that we would um even though we were young, um we thought we were mature to handle marriage and that we would grow old together. So um I met him at eighteen. was um engaged at 19 and then married at twenty.

So it was we were just now I look back and I can see that we were just babies. too.

Lisa:
It doesn't seem like it at the time. Like, oh we're grown up or like and we are like we're young adults at that moment.

Angie:
Right. But so we jumped into marriage, you know, with all of our hopes and dreams I was there. Yep, there was a and um it was at that time I met you and um several others as well.

Um So we were married for 25 years, and I would say that they were, for me, 25 happy years. Yeah. With different ups and downs, of course.

Yeah. Um, and different things that um created probably we could say trauma in in our lives and in our marriage too. Those things can be a stressor, one being that my brother had passed away.

So and that that dealing with stressful situations that can um really stress a marriage as well.

Lisa:
The external, right. There's a marriage, but there's like external pressures and right. That adds to internal.

Obviously, divorce is very painful, very traumatic for everybody involved. So That's not a place we're going, but we are deep diving into how do you walk through it, you know, and so that just uh uh how do we do that? So And also how um, you know, sometimes at that moment, uh I'm sure there are moments like, uh, well, let's let's get to that point.

You're not divorced yet, you're married, 25 years. How do you see things are you know, how does it get to that point? Right.

Angie:
Um well we moved a lot. We had lived overseas and then we came back to the States and had to integrate back into the States with our kids. Right.

And then we moved three different places um before we settled here um where we are where I am now. And when we moved here, um I knew that in order to move here I was going to have to go back to work. So I started working in the public school then and it was just busy.

It was me trying after twenty years of being home and homeschooling and doing different not that I was just home all the time. I did different things in the kids. That's a lot.

Oh yeah. Was a foster mom for a while. Um You know, that was an adjustment for me.

How do I juggle, you know, this extra thing that I'm doing?

Lisa:
And you have made a big difference in a lot of people's lives overseas here too. So it's like You know, I d uh a lot of times we don't have a title for that. Or we can't quite put that on a resume, but you have touched a lot of lives.

So yes, we make a difference through all those things I don't think I realized the foster mom part too. So whoa. For okay.

Angie:
So um so it was me. learning how to juggle all that. And it wasn't perfect.

And and I think that our marriage took a hit for with that, just trying to work through how do I balance my work. Right. Right.

And at the time we had two teenagers and an elementary school child as well, and just juggling everything. And so it um also my husband traveled a lot too as well. So he was in and out.

So how do you come together? Right, you know, after that. And um It came to a point where we had grown apart and we I felt were were in a stage where we were just coasting and trying to get through those hard teenage ye years that that are so busy.

Um and what I found out though is that we weren't quite on the same page. We weren't on the same page. with our happiness level, um, our values.

Um, we weren't on the same page with our faith either. And so that was something that I really, really struggled with. Um And when we moved to um the new city where we had moved to, we struggled finding a church.

So um it came to a point where we stopped going to church altogether and Me, um, I could have gone on my own and no one my family wouldn't have thought anything of that, but I took those Sunday mornings to try to have family time. So and I did, um, I will admit that I grew apart from the Lord during that time. And to the point where I wasn't sure if I really believed anymore.

And right when I was struggling with that is when my husband had said, um, I want a divorce. And t for me, that was A sign from God that He was taking me and saying, Angie, I love you and I'm here for you, for you. I felt God again through all of that mess Right.

So which is surprising. So for me, that was a point where, oh my goodness, how am I going to get through this? And I clung to God.

Because I felt like God was saying, I see you and where you're going and I don't like where you're going and I'm here for you.

Lisa:
I can't I I love verbs. And I and after my mom passed away, I found a verse in Psalms that is one of my favorite ones, and it uses that verb cling. And I can't help but picture, remember where our children were little and they're like, hang it on, you know, to mommy or daddy.

And it literally says, my soul clings to you, to God. your right hand upholds me. And so when we cling to him, there's a promise there.

He will hold us up. And I I don't tell people how to grieve or anything, but I'm like I did cling to God because I, you know, those moments where I, you know, you're sobbing. Like it's not crying, like grief brings sobbing.

Like it brings out more emotion. And uh, but if we cling to him, he will hold us up. And I've seen that's why I I I talk about that hope because of God has held me up.

Every step of the way. And so, okay, jumping back to you, so you cling to God and has he held you up? Have you have you said, okay, God, forget it?

I you know, if you'd question, you know, some of you know, your faith and all through all of this, where did like where was a turning point for that? It sounds like at that moment when you feel like God saw you, you felt seen, you felt heard. I love you, Angie, you know, God saying that.

So and then where has that gone since then? Like since that turning point.

Angie:
Right. One of one of the things that I did when I first realized that this was going to happen. Um, a decision had been made, and I could either agree with that or not agree with that.

So it wasn't a decision we necessarily made together. Um and so that's where a lot of the struggle was for me in the divorce. Um and I knew that I needed help then I I knew I couldn't do this on my own, but I had over the years isolated myself by not getting involved in a church community and thinking it would be better to be at home with my my family.

So I didn't have a church community to go to and ask for help. And so, um, I got involved in a divorce support group. Mm-hmm.

And then community, right? Right. And this is before the actual divorce.

Also walk through it. Yes. I knew at that at that time it happened pretty quickly where This is what I want.

This is what's going to happen. Right. Right.

And then it happened.

Lisa:
And then we proceeded in the general. So that's really I just feel like that's an amazing choice you made, like in in a moment like that of not just waiting, not you know, finding community right away. Right. You know, wow. So I think that

Angie:
is something that I had to look forward to every week. Okay, I'm going to be with people who understand I'm not alone. Yeah.

Right. Right. What I'm going through.

And it was at a a certain church in our city and I started attending that church as well and found a little small group community. who embraced me and helped me. Um, along with the people I worked with too, who were very supportive.

Right. Um, and were there whatever I needed. So I had someone that I could ask Right, right.

And then my family too um surrounded me. I wasn't sure. Um I came from a family And the way that I grew up where we don't believe in divorce.

Right, right. You know, we're not going to support you if that ever happens. And what did happen?

And what happened was, you know I was supported and loved and um precious to my family. Right. So um that wasn't an issue like I thought it might have been.

Right. So, um, because that was that's a big fear in divorce. is being rejected from um the Christian community.

And so I was scared um just having that placed on the I'm now I'm now divorced. Right, right. How will will that how will that be perceived?

Because we've our society is a very much a couple society.

Lisa:
That's one thing I I'm always like, I I I I see that in our society of we treat people more valuable like Every Hallmark movie, you know, yeah, it's a you know, that's the end goal. But God has made us ourselves, like each and every person, and we're valuable just because he made us. And another thing that like hearing you talk is um identity when you think of okay saying I'm divorced, but really any label is not our identity.

We are who we are because God made us uniquely us. I love in the Old Testament You know, in the Bible it talks about we're fearfully and wonderfully made. We are, uh in the New Testament it talks about we're made by Him and for Him.

We are uniquely made by God. And that w and we're so treasured by him. And I there's some verse in like uh uh you know the uh in the Old Testament about he uh you know, he sings over us.

He like dan which is almost like uh I think in the Hebrew like uh dancing over he just loves us because he made us doesn't matter anything else you know and so I I I love saying and seeing that divorce is not an identity. That's not who you are. You are Angie and I, you know, made by God, uniquely made by him.

And Um, and we don't have to listen to the voices of other people saying, Oh, uh, because our world is full of broken. Right. And that's a moment I would guess you felt really broken.

Angie:
Mm-hmm.

Lisa:
Okay, I'm broken. How do people view broken And so I just appreciate your perspective on that. You know, how do you not feel broken in the middle of that? I might not always ask things, but like You're walking through this, okay, but how do you not feel broken at that moment?

Angie:
Um, I think it's very natural, right, to feel um something's not right. Right. And what what what happened?

And could I have done anything? Lots of questions about But I think working through that either with a group with some type of support is really, really good because you can see, okay, you know, I can experience healing. So I I probably wouldn't say bro um I ever felt like I was broken.

Right. Um, but I did feel not right. That's a good way to put it.

No, that makes sense. That makes sense. Right.

Right.

Lisa:
Well, something's it's like a car doesn't work if something's out of alignment, all of a sudden something's different. Like we we f we it's not right. We don't feel in alignment for a little bit.

But I you touched on community and community's been a big part. Like I love you even touched on okay, a hiking group and traveling internationally with these groups and things and your grant the uh um and all and how big a role like obviously community took a took a role in the process of going through divorce, but since then has community helped? Yes.

Angie:
And how so definitely. Um I'm actually an introverted person.

Lisa:
So I knew So you were thrilled when I reached out to you to like, hey, I appreciate you even sharing because This gives hope, you know, in the middle of hurt for others, I pray. So because you walked through this. So

Angie:
Okay, and I totally forgot where to ask. Well, I was I w I tend to be an introverted personality, so I do need this rest and recharge. That's part of who I am when it comes to my work.

Um my work is very demanding being around an on all the time um for children. What is do you teach? I teach third grade.

Third grade. Okay. You're with them all day.

Right. And you know, it's It's very much hands-on and um so it can be mentally draining. So I knew that I needed at at first it was okay, I'm I go to work and I come home and I had to really choose what else am I going to do.

Right. And I had made a commitment, you're going to go to church and you're going to go to your divorce school. group.

Lisa:
When the last thing you wanted to do is go back out. Right.

Angie:
And you want to do that. So those are like those are the only things the first that I was that I could handle because And those were two intentional choices.

Lisa:
Yes.

Angie:
Yeah. And then I had um over time another small group formed that I was involved with. And then as as time went on and um could distance myself a little bit, then that's when I got more involved in different things.

And during those first couple of years, I didn't really figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. Even what are the things that I enjoy? Because like you said, I have three kids.

And a lot of my identity was around either being married or around what m supporting my child. Right. And raising my children.

And so then um when the divorce happened, um, two of my children were already adults and we had another, uh uh sixth grade. So just well who am I now that I'm on my own and what who do I want to be? So just figuring all of that out is what helped me decide what community what community look like for me.

Right, right. So, um, I read a book, um uh from Belle Hooks and in her book um it talks about love in the African American culture um but it also talks about how there's different kinds of intimacy And how you can have creative intimacy with someone or you can have um um you can have Well, I really like that one because that might look different than if you had intellectual intimacy. So and just realizing, okay, I don't have to be married.

And I don't have to have my children around me to still be me. Right. I can find these different things and still be involved and give to my community without having that unit.

Right. But But also not having a family unit, that's been right um the hardest, I think. Mm.

And that's you know, been hard for my kids too. Right. So and that it that even when I go back, it's been um it'll be seven years.

And that still, when I go back and I reflect or have a moment of quietness, that's something I still greet. is the loss of that family unit. Right, right.

So um it looks different. We s my kids and I, we still get together. Right.

And it looks different. But that is something to that probably my biggest struggle since that was such a a important part of my life.

Lisa:
Right, right. So you were talking about the different in the family structure, just the family environment. So grief occurs with all these different things we talked about.

Um I know even my walk through grief after my mom. I one thing I know someone uh mentioned to me that I encourage other people to do lean in. You don't want to stuff it, because if you stuff something, it's like a beach ball being pushed down in the pool.

It's not gonna stay there. It's gonna explode later, so you gotta deal with it. So lean in, but don't stay there.

That's what this person said. And I was like, 'cause they had been told that. And I'm like, that's so good You lean into it, but how do you not just stay in bed eating the Haganda's and just like watching movie Netflix for forever?

How do you get like that can be part of the grieving process, but like how do you get to no you I I This might sound weird, but I'm like so proud of you for making intentional choices. That's a big thing in this journey. To okay, I'm gonna get out of the house.

And it's harder for an introvert. I have a couple introverted children, you know And so you the last thing you want to do is, you know, change clothes and then go back out again when we just got home from being with a bunch of people who need your attention all day long in the classroom, you know. But you did do that, but I'm sure there was this a time where It's like, you know, how do you not just stay curled up in a ball somewhere?

Because I'm sure there are moments like that. Were there moments like heto position, you know, just I can't do this, right?

Angie:
Right. Yeah. There's there's times like that. And I remember the beginning stages, like m that's why I made a decision. If you do nothing else, you will do the you will do these two things and get out of the house.

Lisa:
Right, right.

Angie:
So um courageous choices. Right. And so you you have to be intentional.

And it isn't something that you're going to feel like you want to do. Right. But if you do have even one person that says, okay, let's do this together.

Okay, let's, you know, if you have one person that you can rely on to get you out, if nothing else. But this also comes back to my walk with the Lord too and how I wanted to get right with him through this. And so it was part of getting out to my divorce group and getting out to church was my way of getting back

Lisa:
Yeah, in line with where I wanted to be with my wow. Yeah. Oh.

I I made an intentional choice to go to a grief share program after my um mom passed away. It was like 13 weeks and Every Wednesday night I was going to that, but I'm like, I have to walk through this well for my sake, for my family's sake, my children's sake, my family, and for the sake of others. And um just doing the hard things.

So I I I love that you intentionally chose to do that. Um okay a lot of after divorces survive. Like financially, uh relationally, uh emotionally.

Can you touch on any of those? There's so many strands to divorce too. We're not gonna have all the we're gonna cover all the things, you know, but just like just emotionally, relationally, financially like, okay, what do you do?

You know, at those moments uh instead of just surviving to thrive. Right.

Angie:
I think people deal with a heart, like a situation you weren't expecting differently. And for part of me, um I had to sit down and meditate and reflect a lot. And there were a lot of tears. Um I used to journal. I haven't as much Uh on and off, but when I first was going through this, yes, I journaled a lot and I had to get out my feelings.

Lisa:
Right, right.

Angie:
Um and for me crying was that way. That was very therapeutic

Lisa:
Don't you hate the feeling though? Like when you know it's coming and it builds up? I remember that.

It's like if I don't let this out, it will come out at the worst possible time and uh but but I don't want to cry either. I don't know if you're like that. I don't know if everyone's like that, but I hated that feel but then it is a relief.

It's like you know what I mean? And I would feel immensely better. Yeah.

I after that. So I don't know if you were like that, but yeah.

Angie:
Yeah. And um So doing that every once in a while I knew I needed to do that. And then another big thing for me was the music I was listening to.

I wanted to make sure I was listening to uplifting music. Right, right. I felt empowered me.

And so I made some playlists. Um to listen to. Oh, another intentional choice.

Love that. I really leaned into and and there were many, you know, um songs, Christian songs that I really felt um spoke to me. Right, right.

So listening to those. And it was when I was listening, I don't know, this was probably two years um after divorce where I was listening to a song and I realized that I was ready to forgive what happened. Wow.

And oh my goodness. And I released and forgave um everything that had happened. And I think it was at that point that I experienced tremendous joy.

Lisa:
That is huge. Well, I wondered about like bitterness because when our hearts are hurt, we want to go And like, okay, no one gets in there. And we can literally it can change our attitude, our demeanor, our then we're cold and hard to other people around us, but it's protective But then you get to a point I and and bitterness so hard there can be bitterness and but bitterness is I I I um I've heard uh people describe it as it's like drinking poison.

It doesn't hurt the other person. It hurts. It hurts you.

Yes. It's like a slow growing cancer inside of us. um emotionally where you're touching on that.

That so wow, that's uh that's huge to be able to say forgive because some of these things seem Okay, well I have my life with someone I love and it falls apart and to forgive that that's amazing that that came at that but that also came through an intentional choice that you make what you were putting in and your community and and I I do wanna say too I am really big. I know I mentioned this to you like at one time, but I'm not a big platitudes person of okay, you're not skipping through all this saying, oh, this, you know, I'm fine. But like you said, you got to a point and forgave and the joy and peace.

Did you say pe uh like just some of the what comes at that moment and how freeing forgiveness is. Yes. I I I remember there's someone um I know who literally went up to someone who had who she said, I forgive you And I think they laughed at her.

But the thing she did what she needed. You know, and it's freeing for us to forgive. It's not um otherwise it just like chews in there.

Like that's what it picture. So because I'm always like, okay, is my heart towards that person or whatever and especially if something if someone does something wrong to our child. It's like that almost hurts more.

And it but I still can't let bitterness grow there. But then Yeah, wow, that is that's really powerful. I know with um and and one of the things with bitterness, I feel like there are wounds from whatever wound, in this case a broken mar you know, a divorce and bitterness like is when the wound gets infected.

So you didn't let it get infected. Though those two years you're probably pretty Ryan. Right.

Angie:
I I mean I yeah, I mean I don't think there's any perfect divorce. You know, that's just and so I made lots of mistakes. I made lots of mistakes with the child I still had at home.

I made lots of mistakes, I'm sure, in my communication with my co-parent. Um and so those two years, yeah, were pretty were pretty hard and I could see that I could become bitter Right. But I knew I didn't want that.

I didn't want to be consumed. Right, right. Um with it.

And and I know we've talked a little bit about identity. I didn't want divorce to be mine. Right, right.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

So forgiveness for me, for my kids as well. Um is something that I knew eventually, even though I wasn't ready right away to do that, because I needed to work through all this stuff and grieve the loss. Um, but I knew I didn't want to go dead.

I didn't want my grief to turn into bitterness.

Lisa:
Right. And there's so many layers. You can't just it's not an overwhelming forgiveness.

Right. Yes, is what you're saying too. You it was kind of layers of okay Yeah.

Angie:
So um I have got I w did go on after I graduated from my divorce support group and then I later went back to be a leader Really? And yes. So um That's awesome.

One thing that we always say to people is you can forgive. And you can forgive again because when you have a a relationship with this person, something else might pop up that needs to be forgiven. So it's not like it's a one and done.

Right, right. It can take a long time. Yeah.

And that's okay.

Lisa:
Yeah.

Angie:
That's okay. You're doing what you can at the that moment.

Lisa:
I love your saying that they say that because I know even going through that grief group, there's no timeline for grief. And I feel like our society, yes, they're not only that couples more valuable, you know, which is not true, but the um that they give a short window to grieve something. And it's like, okay, get back to life.

Right. And that's not possible after the loss of a loved one or the loss of a marriage, grieving, nuts. So I like that.

I think that's really important to always remember it 'cause that was the same for me. I couldn't do certain things until later, you know, in the timeline. And I like that forgiveness can come and at different moments, you know, along the way.

So you touched on uh co-parenting and uh I uh I just the communication and stuff that's important. It might I I uh again every divorce is different so I'm sure there are some marriages where it's just it doesn't work.

Angie:
Some d but it's nice you say co parenting that yes you were still we yeah. We decided um Um well. You both love your children.

Right. Right. So we co-parented together and when our daughter, our youngest, really struggled with the marriage and or the divorce, the marriage not existing.

And she was formless at home during when her si and her siblings were older, so they were in college or out of the house. And so it was really, really rough on her. And when she would break down and cry, um, I mean, it affected her schooling, it affected her friendships.

you know, when she would verbalize it, she would say, Mom, I just miss our family. Right. And so when I realized it was that was taking a toll on her, I had asked um my ex husband, you know, would you be willing to have a Sunday night dinner?

Um, Sunday was our day where we would um our exchange day. 'Cause she stayed with me for a week, stayed with him for a week. Would you be willing to just for her to eat dinner together?

Um well because you know, we're we're still her parents. Right. Still be a type of family.

Wow. Is that work to do that? All look different.

Um so yeah, for a time. Wow. Wow.

For a time that did help her. Wow She went on to have some other struggles as well. Right.

And then um we did that for several years.

Lisa:
That's amazing the two of you did that. You you rise up together to do that for the sake of your child right Wow, that's powerful that you s you both were able to wow, that that's really something and I I that I know that's just a key thing, you know, communication, how is that all going to pan out and all the things. I think you need chocolate.

Do you want a piece of chocolate? Because I usually want to read something. Okay.

No, I don't, but you. I'd feel better if you have chocolate for a minute But I also I d I love this, I wanted to share this, that um from Psalm of trust in him at all times. Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

I couldn't help but think of that when I was reading through Psalm. I'm like, that is for any situation, because it says what? Trust in him at all times.

Not some. I love looking at all these little words in the Bible and verses and but all there's no asterisk that says, but God, this really hurts right now. This divorce is too much how can I fully trust you because I've things are not what I'd hoped they would be.

Um but pour out your hearts to him because he's our refuge. And I let you kind of have a strand of like you were You know, you felt loved by God, seen, and you're uh the music you listen to, all of that, and he became your refuge. It seems like.

So I just love the hope that that's a good idea.

Angie:
Well, I love that I love that you said that word because going through this time. Um at the beginning of the year I always um prayed about a word. Um that that I would feel the g God was giving me for thy year.

Right. And so my first year, um, going through divorce, I was given the word hope, mm, which is what we're talking about. Right, lambda.

And then the second year was actually refuge.

Lisa:
No way. Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Two amazing words.

And that's what we need in hope when we feel like things are not what we had planned. We would love things to just be all perfect for us, for I the people we love, and then all of a sudden they're not. And how do we um How do we deal with that?

And we God always offers hope. There's always hope. So love that.

Um one thing I also uh wanted to um Just touch on this isn't necessarily your situation, but just going back to the identity, not letting divorce what anyone has said ever said. I know some divorces, not yours, involved abandonment and abuse and, you know, other people in life, but that does not define us. It doesn't define a person ever.

And um I just really hope that that's uh that gives hope even with that. We are valuable and treasured because of because of God. So I you had said there was um a verse that meant a lot to you.

You want to share that?

Angie:
Yeah. So one of my life verses that I have always loved, um, but one that um I decided, you know, this is how I want to live my life. You know, my life I wish it had, you know, it was neat and clean and that I had You know, I had gotten married and I wish that had worked out.

Um, and it didn't work the way that I wanted it to. That doesn't mean God didn't know. Exactly how it was gonna work, or that he was gonna love me any less.

And it took me a long time to really accept God's love 'Cause I felt like I wasn't. You're saying after the divorce. Yeah. Really?

Well okay. But um one verse that I just love and try to live by is Micah 68. Which says, He has shown you, O more O mortal, what is good and what does the Lord require of you to act justly and to love mercy.

And to walk humbly with your God. And I know that through divorce, um, it's a very humbling experience because all of everything that you've trusted in or your supports, um, a lot of them get taken away. And so to humble yourself, But also to show mercy to others.

Right. And um to act just justly. Um those things really that's how I want to live my life.

Even before divorce, but also after divorce.

Lisa:
Right. Right. Yeah.

Ooh, that's powerful. I uh one other thing, I how has it been that you said your family accepted you? I'm kind of curious, like uh you know, you you actually have mentioned that you know, how are things with other people, you know, like in laws.

Yeah, you know.

Angie:
So I have kept in touch um with my in-laws. I'm sure that um I have a um my in-laws are very relational. They love to talk and I'm sure that they would like to hear from me more than they do.

Well you are a teacher and you're it's leading other group but sometimes I feel yeah, and it's funny because sometimes the way that I grew up You know, we just we touch base every once in a while. Right. Right.

With my own parents. And so I'm like, well I too talk to you a lot. So it's all in perspective.

I think it's a lot of those. Right.

Lisa:
I'd like to talk to my children probably more than sometimes.

Angie:
So but yeah, I see um my in-laws Um at least once a year, if not more. Then I was just up there in January. They had come to see me last summer Um and so then I and I get to see some of um my nieces and nephews as well.

Lisa:
So I love that. So the communication is still an I'm uh that's yeah That's a gift. Yeah. Because I know that's not always the case and it's probably with different situations. Right.

Angie:
So right. And for a while, I mean, it is different.

Lisa:
Probably awkward.

Angie:
And awkward. And it's it can be awkward for them to I have I actually have a friend who went through divorce and she is actually neighbors with her mother-in-law And I think and they always had a great relationship. So I think while if I had lived maybe in the same town, maybe it wouldn't be as awkward. You know, but since we are apart and only see Each other. It can be that way.

Lisa:
But I have to but it's still the fact that you s have that relationship has made it not awkward. you know, be really awkward of how does this person just like you felt with your family, you know, how will they view uh you know, how are you except But again, honestly, the most important thing is you knowing you're valuable and treasured and just that I I do want to touch on just briefly again, so uh you You could have gone a whole nother direction with saying, I don't want you in my life, God, but you didn't. You really s instead of like following the doubt, you really Any final thoughts on that?

Angie:
Yeah, I will yes. Um I feel like God is the one constant in my life. Um not necessarily the church.

There's a difference there. Um, because people are human and people display us. And the church is filled with imperfect and messy That's right.

That's right. Messy. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. So that is one thing that I mean, I'm not perfect in my walk with the Lord.

Yeah. I don't think anyone is. Right.

It's waves up at a time. And I know that the most important thing is um love. And I feel that from the Lord and I feel acceptance.

And that's what I want to be to others. No matter a voice we listen to. Right.

No matter where another person is in their life. Right. Or what they're going through.

I want them to feel safe and comfortable with me to think I do. um with the Lord.

Lisa:
Wow. Powerful time. Thank you for just all of this.

And I hope that you've been able to be encouraged. There's one thing I wanted to end with and it's so tiny I can't read it so but I I found this Lamentations of all the things. So if you want another chocolate or Matthew Ranwall.

But I love this. You wanna read like the first couple of verses like there?

Angie:
Like can you see with your churches or right here?

Lisa:
Yeah, nineteen and twenty and then

Angie:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I will remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind, and therefore

Lisa:
I have hope. I would think anyone walking through divorce, their soul is downcast at some point. But then there's this because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed.

You used that word at one point about consumed And I couldn't I I thought of this of we are not consumed for his compassion never fail his compassions never felt, which you just touched on, his love for us. They are new every morning. One day at a time, one step at a time.

I almost feel like just catching our breath, like, okay, we can start a new day. You know, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, the Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for him.

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him. I love that hope was that word for you. Um, to the one who seeks him.

So I love that. I love the hope. And I really hope you've been encouraged.

Angie, thank you for being authentic, sharing some hard things and giving us a whole lot of hope with it too and don't forget to join us next time for more encouragement and laughter and hope and faith on the next drive in the mess