Help and Hope for Walking Through Depression: Will’s Journey

Will:
There was a lot of seasons where the depression was really hitting me the most and I think a lot of that where that came from was because for one I really never sat down and really addressed those feelings.

Lisa:
Welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I'm your host Lisa Hutchcraft Whitmer. So hey friend, welcome to Thrive in the Mess.

I'm excited you're here and I'm thrilled To have a special guest, my friend Will, and he has an amazing story of hope. And he was not always hopeful. And Will, I'm excited you're here.

Welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I wish you could be here in person. I have always enjoyed uh laughing with you.

You have a great laugh, great sense of humor. And so yeah, there it is. No, now we can't start laughing or we'll just like just laugh.

But I just want to dive into your story. You have hope I know the well that has hope and joy and life and that was not always your story. Where do you want to tell take us?

Will:
My dad and my mom split up at a very young age. Well, I was a very young age. Um from what I was told anyways is that they split up about when I was maybe five to seven months old.

And so my dad was a you know, a single parent raising five of us by himself and that was definitely a lot on his plate but then he was also struggling a lot with his own addictions and his struggles. And so growing up in a you know very domestic violent home it was You know, I think there was a a poem that I wrote not too long ago about how It was always a struggle walking on eggshells daily, you know. And that's kind of how it felt every day of my life growing up was like Waking up in the morning and then, you know, what's gonna happen today or who's gonna have their breakdown today and then It was just a constant like eggshells, you know, like you just didn't want to get anyone mad.

You had that fear that that uh yeah just the fear and the weariness, the the anger, the sadness, it was just mixtures, the emotions were it was hard to to manage and to you know, to have that self-control in a way because yeah, yeah, when I was going to school it was almost the same thing there for me was you know, walking on eggshells of being bullied, being made fun of, um you know, being made fun of about my just me, my personality of how introverted, how quiet I am So there was this a lot of uh a lot of feelings about myself where I felt like I was worthless. You know, I felt like I was just uh this you know, I'm not cool enough I guess you can say but uh yeah then after a while you know going going through the emotions and yeah there was a point where a situation that really happened that kinda was a kinda like my end drug my end of the ropes, I guess you can say. And that was with me Uh me and my brother got into a a physical altercation.

We were both fighting and um it's uh just be quite blunt is that I lost the fight and um I uh was on the ground crying and you know I do remember the words that he said to me was about being worthless, not having a life. And just you know, I'm just worthless. And I just remember him saying these things over and over throughout my early teenage years and it was It came to a point where like everything he was saying was really true, you know.

As everything I've been through, everything I Try to do the find the hope or you know just to find the encouragement or just to get out of that mindset It all came back to that, you know, you're worthless, you're this, you're this, you're that. Bill is a great mentor, a great friend of mine, someone who I really look up to.

Lisa:
He was taking young people to a to a conference, yeah.

Will:
Yeah, you know, they gave us a journal. And The first question. Yeah.

I said to myself that okay if this conference, you know, doesn't really if this conference doesn't help me or change me I'm just gonna go home and take my life because what else is there? Um like again I saw my upbringing here is yes there was a lot of domestic violence, physical, verbal abuse. The words that were said to me were really hitting to a point where like everything was coming true because my heart was just like in a different spot and everything just felt so Like r like raw.

Like I don't know how to explain it and uh it was uh you know, Ron asked us to You know, to bow our heads and close our eyes and just, you know, be in silence, solitude, and just let 'em speak to you. And it tripped me out because it still makes me feel like, you know, like it could sound crazy to some, but for me it it I can't tell you like how real and how serious it was when I heard the words that was spoken to me in that solitude time. I never heard those three words ever be said by my mom, my dad, other than when they're under the influence, you know.

And the same thing with my siblings when they're on substances or, you know, alcohol But these three words just it was it stood out to me and really meant a lot because I felt it. I felt the genuineness of it And the simple three words was I love you. And that was like Hearing that from you know, hearing that from the Lord, hearing him come down to where I am and say I love you.

And it was the reason why it had me in so much tears is because they had one, yeah, I really never heard it from a genuine heart. And two was it was hard f for me to believe that anybody would love me. Yeah.

And ever since then, like yeah, I like that love that he has for me It means, you know, it means the world to me. And so that's kind of like, yeah, my story there about how I came to the Lord. Um yeah, and ever since then, like yeah, God's been God has been faithful and just been so uh loving and caring and providing a lot of ways for me to serve him and to you know to continue to praise him because he is always worthy of our praise.

So Yeah. So that's a lot of that in a nutshell.

Lisa:
Wow. Well well, thank you for sharing all of that. So Uh yeah, that's a lot to hear certain voices and I always think of how each of us are uniquely made by God and he is the one who says we're valuable, one of a kind, and a masterpiece.

And he signed his name at the bottom of the painting of Will and of Lisa and anyone of th I've made you, you're valuable and a masterpiece. But when you hear a lot of what you heard it can take you to some pretty dark places like you shared and um so did you I walk through depression and things like that ever or I d like to hear a lot of things like that that's not the best for our mental health and our mental well being. Um And how was that?

You know, before you shared of some of the hope that God gave you, um, before that, where did some of that take you?

Will:
So yeah, so I s I would say like when it comes to uh depression Yeah, it was It was definitely a constant battle because, you know, when I gave my life to the Lord I uh you know, began my journey at IBC and you know, I left uh left the reservation and was wanted to go to college. Yeah, to college. Yeah.

So wanted to Wanted to learn more about God but I also wanted to be, you know, the best uh godly man and godly father I can be, you know, for my son. So they realized that those steps were Not easy. It was it was probably one of the biggest hardest steps I ever had to take and I get I did get a lot of uh backlash from my own family about it.

But um So and there was a lot of seasons where the depression was really hitting me the most and I think a lot of that where that came from was because for one I really never sat down and really addressed those feelings, that emotions Yeah, 'cause I would've tend to just you know, this was back then when I was able to play a lot more basketball and work out, do all that. That was that was like a healthy coping mechanism that I did have. One thing that really helped me was And I was asking God, like, how do I find how can I find the deep rest, you know, of being that peace?

And just allowing him to take over and just to be at peace, at rest, and not long no longer having the sense of weariness And you know, God brought me to, you know, Matthew 11. Or not Matthew, Matthew 11. Come to me, you all who are weary and heavy laden.

from my you know, for my yoke is easy. Um totally paraphrasing that. But um And that's where it came to a point where I felt the Lord was saying instead of uh Instead of just you know sitting there and being in that depressed mode, it's time for you to really come to me and find the depressed mode You got and that's where it was just for me to simply just come to him you know, be in his word or praying or whatever it is to help you find that rest Because yeah, when it comes to depression, it would it would take effort on your end to find ways to get out of that and not just sitting it sitting in it, you know 'cause it it's it's a hard battle 'cause it's you know, the mental the mental of it, the emotional weight of it, and then everything kind of just You know, everything's just heavy that motivation or that thing is just hard for you to get out of it's totally understandable

Lisa:
I feel like it's the weighed down uh depression. It just you feel like there's that weight on you. And uh yeah, that's what you're talking about.

Will:
Yeah, yeah, so they even that's um that's where it's With even if it's just simple as like even for me as you know, now that I'm in the whole new season, you know, I'm in my own apartment. I'm on kinda like living on my own now and like even those moments of like the loneliness or the depression modes come in is that's where I would have to Okay, like well, like I gotta get up and go just take a walk around the block or just go outside, stand outside for a little bit or move around or do some instead of just letting everything kinda just linger over me or rule over me And to really not allow the enemy to get a full hold on that, you know, and really take that moment to instead of running away, run to God Yeah.

Lisa:
Well Will, I was gonna ask that just in the middle of walking through depression, what are some tips you have? And I know depression is different. for everybody where uh some people it's it can be a chemical imbalance, they need medication, they need uh they there are lots of tools out there to help.

They're are people where it helps to get some professional um a talk with a professional, like a mental health professional or someone. And for you, you just mentioned going outside, you know, something that uh anyone can can do to help. So one of the things I also noticed with you that seemed to help was you journaled on that bus to this conference that you went to where you found you heard about the hope that God offers, you journaled and w is that helpful?

Is that something that you still do? I know you do write poetry. you write some different songs and music and uh beautifully expressed.

I've seen some of those lyrics and all, but do you still do that? Is that a helpful uh outlet and a way to process some of these kinds of things.

Will:
Yeah, most definitely. Um I think one thing I uh it was uh This was uh back in twenty twenty three or twenty-four, one of those years. This was actually my first time ever doing uh being counseled.

So like I went to a counselor to find one and Uh one of the things he uh asked me to do was to okay journal what you're really feeling right now. Like be honest with yourself, honest with your thoughts. And then after we took like took me like twenty minutes or so just journaling.

And then when I finally got done, he then asked me Do you feel comfortable reading it with me or do you want me to leave the room? And do you want to read it aloud by yourself with yourself? It would be nice if you were here with me as I read this.

Lisa:
Wow.

Will:
And he was like, yeah, um, he was more than welcome and more willing than do willing to sit there with me And hey kids, you know, like literally like two or three sentences and reading that aloud, I broke down crying. Because this it it really helped me to Okay, this is what I wrote down for my mind now. Hearing myself say it, it kind of gave me this sense of relief and release.

of what was been going down in my mind and my heart and to put it down on paper but to have myself read it aloud was It was just so uplifting and encouraging and felt a lot of release from it as well. So I would encourage you know if you do journal, I know some people don't like writing. Yeah, I I totally get it.

And with journaling, I would encourage you to try that. The second one would be like I know there's There's a lot more of like people that are into more into fitness, you know, like going to the gym, basketball, uh, whatever physical activities you have Because that way you keep the body moving, keep the you know, keep keep those things going and really allowing yourself just to Not that you're avoiding it or anything like that, but it helps you to those healthy coping mechanisms are there for you to help you to keep on track on walking in freedom with Christ. You know, it's again it's all a matter of your the self-control, the And just, you know, the armor of God and just allowing herself to just keep her eyes focused on him.

And then I think one thing to comment from the other side of the spectrum saying, so this is like me uh when I first had to reach out for help, you know. So I know when you are in that depressive mindset or that depressive season You may feel a lot of uh either shame or guilt and you feel like you don't wanna I know the word for asking for help is a lot and people don't like saying that because you know we have that independency sometimes or So like even asking for help or even just that shame, that guilt.

Lisa:
Shame is so crippling. Yeah. Shame just it like locks us up in a corner or a room by ourselves and it just we I I I think we all have experienced that where then we don't feel like we can get out.

So I love what you're saying about Reach out for help. Don't uh don't let that shame just keep you tied up. I feel like it is a chain that just keeps us locked up.

Will:
Yeah, that's yeah, 'cause I was I saw I was like, man, that's it's one of uh Satan's Satan's biggest you know, strategy is to take us down and stuff shame And I you know it it really just made me understand more of how I can come along my friends now. The one thing like for me that really helped me and my walk of when it comes to feeling shame, feeling guilt, is through Romans 8. This is something I would just want to remind everybody when it comes to shame is that therefore there's now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

So being now that we are in Christ, we're secured in Christ. Nothing can strip away from our nothing can strip away our identity because we're 100% secure and adopted to him and to his family and to his kingdom. So there is now no condemnation.

And that is just one of the biggest things I want to like emphasize is when it comes to You know, it could be addiction addictions, depression, whatever it may be, to really not be afraid to reach out for help. That shame and that guilt would always find ways to keep you away from uh for help because that's something that I would just want to emphasize the most is to not listen to those voices I was saying like, um, I'm not or that I don't know if I'm fixable or I don't know if I'm I don't want them to worry about me or I don't want them feeling sorry about me You know, it's the mental health and your mental health, your emotional health, everything, you matter overall, you matter. So I just want to encourage you to to really jump that hurdle, you know, that obstacle and to really extend your hand out for help.

Because again, it's I know there's people out there that may not even have access or the resources to get them to get help or to and that's there's ways of like either your mentors, your friends, your ch local church or Um I know with like you know you know if there's a counselor nearby or even chaplains or there's just so many things that are out there that you can do to you know, reach out for help. It's just a matter of initiative on your end.

Lisa:
And then medically a doctor or someone anyone, right.

Will:
Yeah, so again it's just it I know it's the head like you have what we were talking about earlier, that heavy load is just on you and it's so hard to get out of that. That's that's the first step that you would have to take was to get up and to take that first step. Okay, let me get up, let me get out of here. Cause again that's that's what Satan would want us to do is to isolate and shut us down. to break down our break down our confidence, you know, discourage us and all those things and That's just uh one of the first initiatives to you know just to is just to take that step and to go outside, go for a walk, uh, all those things. So

Lisa:
Wow. And you know, sadly when we have that shame and guilt we do become more isolated and it's the worst thing because we need to reach out to someone and then we don't want to uh like you said, just uh jump that hurdle. I was I was thinking, you know, just to break through, you know, somehow.

Um I'm not I um I I've never run like track or anything but You know, I kind of picture people who uh in the movies, I don't know if they do this in real life, but where they break through that at the finish line, you know, they break through that um you know, banner or whatever. And I almost feel like that's what we have to do, you know, to kind of break through and say, okay, it's that first step and just uh walk through that and ask for help from someone to reach out and uh and probably for other people, you know, I think it's important for all of us to kind of keep an eye on our people too and just kinda see how they're doing because sometimes people might look like they're doing well and they're not and other people uh but I dn we don't have training. I don't have counselor training.

You don't have counselor training. But look at the friend you were, the brother you were. So, you know, the power of journaling, and then honestly I can't help but think of King David in the Bible.

He went through so much. And we have all these psalms. That was his journaling, you know, basically.

And he wrote all of those, like you've written uh poems, you've journaled, and King David wrote all these He you know, he played the harp and um but then he wrote these songs when he had such anguish of of his sorrow or um i just grief. W he would talk about my heart is troubled and one of the ones that I love actually is in Psalm sixty one of And we've talked some about this. The when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. and talking to God about help, you know.

And I love that that King David cried out to God. He journaled just like you you were saying, and now we get to benefit from that. And Honestly, after the loss of my mom, that was a huge thing just reading through Psalms.

And even when I felt like I couldn't quite understand what I was reading, it was really helpful to read through Psalms, you know, and it talks about sorrow and joy. And I want to touch on Will with you also. You've walked through some sorrow.

But you have such joy now. And so I really look at what you're sharing as so valuable of the being outdoors and really looking uh to God for hope and um just the the strength that God has given you and knowing how valuable you are now and changing the voices you've heard here on earth 'Cause there's not always encouraging voices in our lives every day. But um I I just love to see the joy that you have and the hope that you have.

Do you have any other thoughts on that?

Will:
Like uh yeah, I would say you know, it really really trips me out too 'cause like this was one one of the conversations I had with my friends for him to really go his way to say that I've seen a lot of change in you and you're doing good and I'm really proud of you brother. I really do mean that Yeah and like my own you know friend that I grew up with, you know, for him to say that. I know it was really a little hard for him when he was in, but for me I was all I was smiling really big.

I was like, yeah man I I know that was a lot for you to say, but that really meant a lot. Yeah, it's and that kinda gave me that affirmation. For one of my closest friends of 'em all to say that to me, just man, that Totally gave me that assurance that yeah, God is really weak.

Lisa:
They knew the will. They knew the will before. Wow.

Will:
So yeah, they see me before Christ. So like it it just meant a lot to me. This is for them just it just reminded me like okay yeah God is really God is really working.

God really is transforming my life day in, day out. You know, and that's something I gotta keep reminding myself And that kinda inspired me and motivated me more to, you know, continue to draw more closer to him because that's what I really want the most was to be more like him daily. And Yeah, it was just cool and just it just blows me away about how how much God has changed my life and just I remember seeing a lot of old patterns that used to come in a lot and then seeing myself respond to those patterns now like yeah that's the old me, I'm not gonna Not gonna give in to those, not gonna give into the lies, not gonna give in to those.

There will be times where it comes in huge waves and it comes in small waves, but It really just comes down to all a matter of how I respond to it and not react to it, you know. And like responding is like okay, like let me go to the Lord about this and then reaction is like this instant moment in the moment my feelings are involved so like it's not a healthy thing to do so my Ch my reac my responses are always what matters most to me more now because yeah, I used to just react right away. But now I'm learning how to respond and not react.

That's kind of the biggest thing that really helped me these past few years and especially now being back home and being closer to family and trying my best to reconnect and re store those relationships and it's been making a lot of good progress, you know. And being able to forgive my own parents over the years. That was again a whole sense of relief and release that I've held on to for years.

And finally allowing the Lord to, and with my genuineness, with the genuine forgiveness, allowing him to take it and no longer hold that on me and that was so freeing so much weight lifted off my shoulders like I just And it's so funny 'cause I'm like sitting here thinking like I don't know how like God I don't know how you did that. 'Cause like even for me, like from my own perspective, like I never saw that day coming where I can look at my own dad, my own mom, their eyes and say, I forgive you, with a genuine heart in it. I never saw that day coming, you know.

And ever since then though, my relationship with my mom and my dad has been a lot better. And I'm just praising God that I'm able to talk with my parents and no longer have this little grudge and no longer having the resentment or the bitterness or anything like that creeping in And just to finally be able to connect with my parents just as a mother-son and a father-son would do, you know And that's just a law from me allowing God to, you know, come into my life, speak into my life. And then really thankful that God let you know put a lot of people in my life to help me work through those things.

And you know, with the body of Christ and it was just amazing. I'm just yeah I'm just amazed of how God is continuing to transform me and He is faithful, always faithful. I was just so thankful for him and what he's done and what he's continuing to do.

Lisa:
You know, Will, I sit here and I hear you talk and I'm just so thankful that you this has been a choice. You chose to do a lot of hard work. And I know I've uh heard people who are counselors and and things say you do have to do hard work.

and uh acknowledge things that have happened and and then move on to healing and and things. I I can't speak to all of that, but what I can speak to is I know you and I have chatted different at different points along your journey doing that hard work. And uh I I can't speak speak for you, but I'm gonna kind of speak on this one little thing.

I remember there was a time, I don't know if you remember this, but you you weren't sure you wanted to do the hard work. And you were kind of at a point where um it it you just you weren't sure that you wanted to take that step because choosing to do the hard work means revisiting some tough stuff. But you have and will, I just I sit here amazed, hearing all you're saying and just You are so free.

You have joy. You have hope. You are different.

And it changes your countenance, even your face, you know, how we come across. and how people see us. And I'm just really thankful for your life.

And um if I can say just proud of you even for making that choice to to dive in and do that hard work. And one other thing I want to touch on, you said that the night that you heard someone talk about God That God loves you. And when you closed your eyes to pray and talk to God, but you felt like God said, I love you.

I think that's a lesson to us to to say, you know what, maybe I should say something encouraging to the people in my world. Maybe I should be freer to say I love you and freer to give that hug or you know, some people don't want to be hugged, but it's something just to show up. for people in our world.

Do you have any thoughts on that?

Will:
You know, sometimes we need to use humor not to hide, but use humor to heal. And 'cause I know sometimes we often use the humor to hide or, you know, to cover stuff, but it can also be a tool for healing. And um you know, especially us as natives, we love humor.

Just love to laugh whenever. And uh but it it's you know, it's good to It's it's just good to just be with somebody and just talk or even just being in the presence of someone, just someone there. You know, even that that alone speaks a lot of value to a lot of people.

Lisa:
Showing up.

Will:
Showing up. Yeah, even like sometimes people Yeah, people are really not people are not really physical touch touchy, you know, or you know, even some people are not really words, affirmation. There's like different languages that they they have they have specific languages but showing up matters and just even just be in the ear to listen to listen to them and just hear what they have to say say or share.

And yeah, if you have the opportunity uh to speak live to encourage them, you know definitely do that the best you can and because I know again at the end of the day we all need someone encouragement, some affirmation to continue to you know build our confidence up to continue our walk daily. Yeah, that's the importance of that's the important part of it, of being a believer is you know having community. why we need encouragement because it continues to build our confidence and when we don't have that encouragement then it would go down to discouragement of you know isolation uh defeated those words mattered when you share those encouraging words to one another and Yeah, so it's always um good to just be that person to show up even if that's the most you can do and sometimes that's just what matters most is just saying, hey, checking in here, how you doing and And just find ways to encourage them and uplift them in that way.

Lisa:
So Wow, a lot of wisdom in their will. I I have to say, I uh maybe would not have met you if you had followed through on wanting to choose to take your own life years ago, but to see you now and just your hope and joy and life. You could have ended up being gone or you could have ended up being all about yourself and thinking about what had happened to you, but now you have poured into other people's lives and you've done that for several years people in your world, even when you were still walking through healing.

Will:
I I know the the journey is hard, the journey is can sometimes fall into discouragement, isolation, but at the end of the day we still have that hope in Christ. And to end of with this uh illustration here was that I really like the most and it describes the journey with Christ is when it comes to herd or racing A hurdle racer does not look at each hurdle that he jumps. The hurdle racer looks at the the end, the finish line.

Because if the hurdle racer does look at the hurdles, he will end up stumbling or tripping over these hurdles. So do your best to keep your eyes on the finish line. Keep their eyes on the prize.

Fight the good fight and keep going forward. You know

Lisa:
Wow, that is great. I've never heard that put like that. So thank you for the not looking at the hurdles, but keep your eyes on the finish line.

So Wow. Well, thank you for being with us today and just sharing your story and your hope. And I have to tell you, this makes me think of you.

I don't know. This is a verse. I brought this from home.

I bought this after my mom died. About hope is an anchor for the soul. It's in the book of Hebrews.

Firm and secure. And so this is you, I feel like. You found that anchor for the soul, and you exude that hope.

that people are seeing in your life and that I've seen. So well thanks for being with us and just sharing a lot of wisdom. And um friend, I hope to see you next time on Thrive in the Mess.