Bad News from the Doctor: Finding Peace in a Health Crisis

Joe:
Home alone working in the basement. There was a stroke I was having didn't know. Never had a stroke before. Nothing really prepares you

Lisa:
Welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I'm your host, Lisa Hutchcraft Whitmer. Well welcome to Thrive in the Mess.

Today we're back talking about How life can be messy and today in particular I have a couple friends, Joe and Sue, and we're talking today about When your spouse, when your husband or wife gets a diagnosis that isn't your favorite. And we're dealing with a couple different things and walking through that of when that happened to Sue, when that happened to Joe. So I really appreciate you guys being able to talk.

I know Joe has been behind the camera for years making a difference in people's lives through sound, through uh video. So I asked if you would be on the this side of the camera too. Glad to be here.

Thankful. Sure. Thankful.

And Joe, you have had such joy and Sue. I'm so thankful that God brought the two of you together.

Joe:
I am a too.

Lisa:
I know that Sue was expecting so Sue, okay, y um I kinda want to just give a little backstory. You did receive a diagnosis at one point. Can you just let us know when and I know two diagnoses, but we'll start with the first one. So when did that first happen? And just kinda give us a little bit of that story.

Sue:
Yeah, so um when the hormones start rushing at childbearing times, um my particular type of cancer was estrogen sensitive. So it looks for estrogen and wants to eat it So um I think uh I was nursing Joy at the time and I noticed a lump developing So you have little children I have little kids. You have a newborn, it sounds like a I had Ben, I was chasing after him and I had joy, right.

I was nursing her. Wow. Okay, um Uh so when we noticed the lump, of course we went to have it checked out.

And um I didn't want to give up nursing my child too quickly. I think we was about six months in um with her. And um sure enough, uh the the doctor had called and said, um, after you know, to give the results of the test She said, so just, you know, make sure you bring somebody with you when you come.

And I'm like, Who what do you mean? I Right. I'll bring my daughter Well I'm nursing.

Yeah. Anyway, so um we went together and um she says I have some good news and some bad news and I'm like uh oh Um so uh we found out that I had in site to cancer, uh which means it's not necessarily spreading, it's in one place. Um but that we had to have surgery and that I would have to stop nursing eventually.

So I think I eked out in one more month. And then um we decided well, we need to go through with it because the lump was growing and you could tell. Mm-hmm.

So it wasn't exactly the lump itself that was the cancer, that was a calcification. Mm-hmm. But the cancer was attached to it behind it.

Oh well. And some Cracker Jack doctor who was looking at the x-rays said, there's just this thing I can't see behind it. So I'm just not sure about that.

And it turns out, yep, it was It was there, sitting waiting. But to me at the time I think I remember um it was found early

Lisa:
Hmm.

Sue:
Um it was easily taken care of. I then we had to have radiation afterwards, which to me it was the best time to have it 'cause we were living in an apartment attached to his parents' house. Right. And his mom would watch my little kitties would she built in babysitter. Right.

Joe:
Loved

Sue:
And so I and I would go for my treatments, um and you had to go for eight weeks, five days a week. Yeah.

Lisa:
And that's a lot when you have littles and Yeah. Yeah. I wanna jump to Joe. Okay, you have a new baby. and a toddler and your wife gets a cancer diagnosis as a husband, what are you thinking at that moment?

Joe:
It's certainly i it uh it's upheaval, you know, uh to suddenly know that okay, well Everything's about to change a lot, is changing a lot. Um yeah, I just I don't remember honestly just relying on God a lot through that, but uh doing whatever I could to be of service. Um after the surgery there was, you know, kind of medical stuff that Sue needed help with, so I did my best to be nurse, you know.

Lisa:
Changing drains and Joe, we have to say, has always had such a servant heart. Oh, I like I saw that when I was a child and the things he was like serving and and helping with and you do so much in other places, but then all of a sudden it's the woman you love. Sure. You know, the m mother of your child children and We don't know which way cancer's gonna go.

Joe:
And so going from being a team that was, I would say, uh, mama heavy for care for the kids and all that to suddenly, okay Mama needed some time to heal, so you know, doing my best to fill in, still working full time. Uh so yeah, it was a little a little tricky juggling that, but um Sue comes from strong stock, so uh she hung in there quite well.

Lisa:
Pretty cute stock too. So fast forward a little more and what happened?

Sue:
Um so we went through that, everything's fine. Um and I was told um that we probably shouldn't have any more kids. And I was like No, no, no, no, no. You can't he can't do that enough.

And I'm like, Joe quit. We need one more case Ha! Wait, before they shut this down!

Before they shut this down.

Joe:
I believe that's paraphrasing, but I love that.

Sue:
Oh and I was sound like total soup. Love it. I was late.

I always had in my mind that I would have four kids and all this. Anyway, so um we managed to get Chris um working in the oven. So Wow.

And um I was I was really thankful about that. But even after what did the doctor say with that I was not happy Because again, um she predicted she predicted that I would have more uh lumbectomies because more calcifications would show up Because of pregnancy hormones and all that. Okay.

And she was right. Wow. And so they weren't cancerous, nothing was found, but um it made things, you know Um concerning 'cause I'm like, okay now I I gotta be around for these kids.

So that's it.

Joe:
I just wanna say um You know, it wasn't uh blindly saying, well, we just want to defy the doctor's order. Right. You really felt convicted that God wanted there to be a third kid. So

Lisa:
And that was really the chance to do it, it seemed too, because yeah. So keep going.

Sue:
What else uh Um so you know, and at that young age, kids don't really

Lisa:
know what's going on.

Sue:
So so it didn't really affect them at all. I don't well, I not not a lot. They might they they didn't have to know too much.

Right. Um, his mom was a lot of fun with them. Um so that was a good diversion.

Um and she was glad to be needed, right? So that worked out really well.

Lisa:
So um how amazing that the timing of all of this God had you literally right next door. Right with the apartment there where it wasn't cumbersome for you or her.

Sue:
Like it's already a lot too. My kids would wake up and they would go over to grandma and they'd be having pancakes before I even got up and I'm like Where's my kid? Um but and I'm like, I know where they are.

Um that was her strength. So anyway, um, you know, you fast forward um fifteen years. Now they're teenagers.

There's teenagers, yeah. And I started going through menopause. Guess what happens?

Your hormones start racing again. So I remember going we were on a vacation up in the Adirondacks and um I had no clue. I had no lump.

I didn't have any pain, nothing And I was just going through a routine uh mammography and it showed up again in the same exact spot. So I'm like, what are you telling me the radiation didn't do its thing? I'm like, I'm like, now now it's a second time, same spot.

You're thinking, oh this isn't good. So there were, you know, concerns about that. But you know I trust God in all of this.

I mean, like I know I'm not without him. So I'm like, okay, this is interesting. Where are we gonna go with this?

So Um, you go through the motions of all the procedures. This time though, they had to they had to go in um they had to target the area really well. They had to um pinpoint and and they give you they juice you up if in a say to make sure that it hasn't expanded to any places.

Um, these are things that they do to make sure that they're very careful um to to locate any of the problems. Right. Um and this time because it was the second time.

I think I think what they did is lumpectomy and diagnosis first. Okay. And then you wait and then you get the results And yes it was, and it was yet another stage up, so I think it was stage two.

And um you get the size amount and whether it's aggressive or not and it was just in that marginal area. So uh so we did um out 'cause I you know what the thing that really bothered me a lot is every time you had to go for mammography and wait for results. Right, right.

That is So unbelievable.

Joe:
Not to mention that fifteen years it was like waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know. Will it return or will it return?

Lisa:
Oh that's right. That's a good point. Yeah.

Did you think uh did you think like yours you thought about that? Did you think about that too? Or were you like, okay, it's done, I'm racing My children, did the busyness of life just kinda push it out of your mind?

Or was it lurking?

Sue:
Right, right.

Lisa:
Uh right.

Sue:
So but yeah, you know, it was kinda all you're hiding there. Yeah, you know That's a good point. So this time now I was even more concerned about my kids because you're very close to them.

This time they were I each one of them kind of did something different. Um Ben put it all inside of him and was stoic. That's the oldest lot of times.

Yeah. Right, right. And then Joy was compassionate.

She would do things for me and make sure she's the researcher. She'll find everything out for you, get you the right kind of food to eat and um all of this and and and connect you with people you need to talk to. Wow.

So you're doing yeah. You have like everything you need you're at home here. Right.

And um she's very sweet. She made that Um she took her art class and made me a special piece of art um that was framed just for me because of all this going through. Kind of like a monument, if you will, to mark this time together.

Wow. And then and then Chris, whoa. Chris internalized and and backed away.

Like he didn't know what to do with it. And it was really hard because I love my Chris. I'm like That one you worked so hard to get.

Right. You really kind of demanded. Yeah.

I was like, no. Anyway, so so but I learned through that the You know, I really needed to allow each one of them to work through it in their way. Yeah. And be available to them, but not force anything on them.

Lisa:
So what they needed to do, they needed to do.

Sue:
And

Lisa:
Everyone grieves differently. Yeah. I know I I know after the loss of my mom, my dad was like, okay, everyone grieves differently.

And we heard that, but it is really true. And it's not wrong. None of the unless they're you start making not great choices like relying on, you know, if we had started drinking or drugging or whatever, like that's a different scenario.

But Just it's not wrong. Everyone just needs space to so that interesting that they all handled it differently. So you're walking through that.

Sue:
The results came back. And they weren't good. So they they're like another stage up and we're like, okay, that's not a good sign.

Um so we had to be a little more aggressive this time. This time I had to go through chemotherapy. So this time um when the surgeries w um came about we decided for a double massctomy.

Because honestly I didn't want to go through uh oh just you know, this one's okay but that one's not later on. I'm like, really? I don't I don't want to have any trouble.

So and I had calcifications on both sides. So I had problems on both sides. Let's deal with this.

Yeah, yeah. So we went ahead with that and um it's a lot a lot of recovery time. Um you just have to be patient.

Lisa:
More drains and uh yeah, all the

Sue:
Yeah, and it's just the rebuilding, the reconstruction. Um the reconstruction didn't go right. You don't you get lopsided.

Sometimes you're like, this isn't the right place. I thought these things were supposed to be great. And oh no. Yeah.

And they weren't. And so I had to have that redone, you know. So there was a lot of training.

Joe:
Trans surgeries for infections and

Sue:
Yeah. Oh yeah, I got an infection right on the incision and it turned it opened up almost like um yeah, so it was and then they took the whole thing out again. Because if you have any infection there

Lisa:
They start all over and I'm like no Oh just when you think you're making progress and it's in your rear view mirror

Sue:
Well in all those surgeries, um my kids knew I you know this was big deal. So they suffered through that. Yeah. Um thinking, oh mom's sick, you know. So I try not to look sick as much as possible.

Lisa:
Right. But there were but that's another pressure added on to mom of trying to be there for my children and be strong because we n we're the mom. We need to be there. Right. Right.

Joe:
And during this time too, you know, so difficult to watch everything Sue's going through and the the pain and, you know, just the suffering of surgery and then recovery and then oh my goodness, surgery again and recovery and I gotta tell you some of the the loneliest times in my life were sitting in the waiting room while Sue's, you know, knocked out. And um mercifully God provided uh a person who's very close to me who g was willing to just come over and sit and pray with me, Jeff, and uh and I I so appreciate it. It's just I I don't know why Why loneliness?

This the that's the closest thing I can come up with for a description of the way it felt. Just low and lonely and you know, I mean I knew that it We're gonna be seeing her awake in a little while and we go through more of it. But um yeah, it's just uh there's a grief that goes along with that too.

Mostly because I think because I was hurting for what Sue was going through. Yeah.

Lisa:
Yeah. Wow. And this time was a little more serious too.

Did did you ever feel like you would lose her. Like you hear the word cancer. It's really hard to not go there really fast.

Um or or did you were you just like, okay, one step at a time.

Joe:
Yeah, I think that was more the approach. It mm I don't think that Um it was never presented as how can I say this, as serious enough that hey, this is this is life-threatening. Not dealing with it probably would have been not so much that

Lisa:
And I love one of the things I I just want to point out a little God sighting here is a friend who comes to be in that lonely space. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Like those those waiting rooms, like I we've been there, you know, my brothers or my dad and I, like with my mom or whatever. And The waiting is that's hard. Waiting may make us feel lonely.

And um I I just I love that someone came in and was with you and just being there. And that that's a good reminder to us to just kinda because life gets so busy and it's like, why would we go and and just sit and wait? Because that's also hard.

What do you say? Wow, your wife's having cancer and uh, you know, private part of her body you know, like what do you say? But but it's nice to it it's good to think of just being there and how much that meant to you.

Wow, so I really like that as just a challenge to be there for people. So you got through all that and you're um just how do you I'll think even your children uh made it through that with You know, seeing mom go through all that, it's one thing to go through it yourself, but you also have the emotions of your children, your husband, though he's an adult too, he's kinda go on his uh on his own. Yeah.

But what uh how did things play out with all that.

Joe:
And I'm just gonna insert in there part of my task too when chemo is uh well underway is unfortunately there's the loss of hair and when we Saw that starting. I I think you asked me if I would be the one to to shave off your hair. And I did do that electric razor and You know, that's uh that's another gulp kind of moment, you know. But um but I mean I was glad to be able to to do that and not have to go to a stranger. So the kids saw that and and, you know, experienced mom without hair and wearing scarves, you know.

Sue:
You do look sick because even your eyebrows go away and Yeah, your eyelashes go away.

Lisa:
And it's like, oh, I can't see. Wow, I don't know that I've ever thought about that with And you think of when you are on your wedding day saying, you know, in sickness and in health, and you don't really think of you're gonna be shaving your wife's hair someday.

Sue:
So another thing I it was a simple little blessing, but I as I said to him, I said, It's a good thing I have small ears. You know, the things that we sing in those moments I never noticed years before. I never noticed I love that.

Joe:
I I haven't either, actually. A little self-conscious.

Lisa:
It's really funny when you think about, but it's a great perspective, you know, of thinking that How long does that last even with hair?

Sue:
Like you're going through the dog? Because so I had like over a three month period maybe. I think that's right.

Um and As soon as you're done with chemo, it's almost like your body's recovering. I mean, within a couple of weeks. Okay.

Um, and it's interesting because I'm like, oh I I see some air.

Joe:
Oh, kind of like little peach bows storying and um Is it a different color?

Lisa:
Wow is interesting. Interesting. Wow. So and I know each of you have chose to begin a relationship with Jesus at some point in your life. How did walking with God As a Jesus follower play into everything.

Sue:
I was totally relying on him and I was loving having that Uh, he was the best friend there all the time. Um and walking through all of that with what was happening with my kids, distancing themselves so that they would 'Cause they're trying not to be hurt also if things go downhill. Um, uh things like that. It was just so special and so wonderful

Lisa:
So I not just the walking through it yourself, but also kids distancing. Yeah. But that's a protective thing of okay, what if something happens to mom? Right.

Sue:
That hurts and and I couldn't convey that too much to them because Um because they're already free.

Lisa:
Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. How about you at that moment? Just uh how did your relationship with Jesus play out during that time?

Joe:
Yeah, I certainly uh I'd have to say drew me closer. Uh and um and we got to share And he bought a motorcycle

Sue:
Rolve off into the sunset.

Joe:
This is not a midlife crisis. But just like the point.

Sue:
It wasn't with another woman or anything.

Joe:
Yeah. It uh

Sue:
That means with the razor with them.

Joe:
Just briefly. It was a nineteen seventy-nine Vestal Four and it needed work So actually it was part of the therapy I would get Did you do the work on it then? I did.

So I would I would tuck Sue in at night. The guy who sat with me in the hospital, very dear friend. He knew that uh I'd always wanted to buy a Vespa.

I used to work on him years ago for professionally with a uh mechanic. And he arranged actually to to get it, went to Washington, DC, brought it back. Parked it in a nut yard basically and said this is your therapy now for a few months.

And so I get Sue in bed for the night once all needs were taken care of. I go to the garage. and start tearing it apart and I took every nut and bolt off of it and and slowly rebuilt it with the help of YouTube videos and stuff.

And that was that was part of my therapy.

Lisa:
Isn't that powerful? That that's an important thing. Sometimes doing something manually, I see that in myself sometimes of Sometimes I need a mental change of pace.

And he could fix doing when you can't fix your wife. Right. Yeah.

Wow. Oh, there's a lot of layers to that. Yeah.

That could be a whole nother program. Fixing a vest button when you can't fix people. Yes.

Joe:
Good point.

Lisa:
That but that's really powerful because it also was significant and helped you walking through it probably emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because you're gonna outland. Yes, yes Yeah. Wow. That's powerful.

Joe:
And so through all that too, the they you know, so I'm out in the garage working by myself, just trying to stay in the project and all that, but also uh I guess one of the things one of the verses that came to mind, Psalm forty six. Uh God is my refuge and strength, very present help in time of trouble. And then uh down to verse 10 where the writer says, uh simple, simple instruction, uh be still and know that I'm God, right?

That's not just a sit in the corner for a few minutes kind of thing. That is just still your heart, you know, just still your heart for a little bit. Realize He's God.

He's there. He's taking care of things, you know. And um yeah, so And we have a very fast-paced world.

Lisa:
I I think that be still is important because that kind of comes up different times in the Bible and even in healthcare situations of that just being still just kind of turning it down a little bit, you know, and and I love that that those were moments that, you know, God was really there through that. So okay, so we're gonna flip And so you walked through that, but then years later, more recently, what happened to you?

Joe:
Yeah, two years ago I was uh home alone working in the basement. um trying to get together stuff for a uh a science fair at the school where Sid teaches that night. And uh and suddenly I just felt terrible.

There's th it's hard to describe. This particular so it was a stroke I was having, didn't know. Never had a stroke before.

Nothing really prepares you. There was a part of my brain, uh, the thalamus that was getting blocked by something so the blood flow was cut off. And so um I uh I could feel that everything on my left side was going wonky.

Lisa:
I I was sure that I was gonna pass out because

Joe:
for the you know anyone's has passed out you kind of get that feeling that wells up around your neck and it's getting up to here and you know you know the next few seconds gonna be out. So first prayer right away was God please keep me awake because I know I need help whatever's going on here He honored that. I didn't feel any better necessarily, but I was able to keep my consciousness and kind of stumbled towards the basement stairs and and I kept dropping my phone from my left hand.

I didn't understand why and Picked it up with the other hand, Siri helped me figure out that uh yes, those symptoms were stroke. Oh so everything's moving fairly quickly. Hobble up the stairs.

I I use Siri's help to dial Sue and I said uh you need to get home right away. Um I I am not well. And I think she took from the urgency of my voice that it was something serious and uh laid down briefly on the sofa and thought, Well, that's a bad idea Um but I knew that she was close by.

She was there in just a couple of minutes from having walking the dog. Uh and I was on the front porch when she got there. I said, Hey, um I'm having a stroke and uh I need to call 911 and then whatever happens, happens.

Sue:
Left side. It left side of face, arm, leg, all the way down to the toes. Oh wow. And I'm like

Lisa:
This is not good. And Joe's very active, like obviously, like working on things and helping people in life. And And I d uh how did you take that phone call? Like Joe's very calm, cool, collected and all of a sudden the urgency like Oh no, what did he do? Cut his finger something.

Sue:
I know like He did something in the basement. That's what I'm th thinking of. He probably cut himself and so I'm like, Okay, well, we're gonna be going to the emergency room or something.

But um Yeah, I didn't he didn't give me any indication that this much had gone on. So as soon as I saw him I'm like, Oh, this is weird. He's kinda like sitting there like like this and I'm like Wha what's wrong?

You got a headache? What's w tell me what's going on? And um yeah.

Lisa:
I can't believe you made it up the stairs.

Sue:
Yeah. And you're all the left.

Joe:
Yeah, I was using the dead leg as kind of like a peg leg and grabbing onto the railing.

Sue:
I don't know what uh the order of things, but I mean

Lisa:
You're trying to make decisions in that moment, but you're not fully all right there. It's like God keep me awake. And that's amazing because who knows if you

Joe:
If I was laying there it could have been a much longer delay.

Sue:
If I had come home and he hadn't called me. I wouldn't have known he was in the basement There would have been way more time and a totally different outcome.

Joe:
So my my thought in that time and you know, anyone I've talked to about this said Right.

Lisa:
I'm like, You don't want to hear that anymore, do you? I won't ask that.

Joe:
But what I knew was I knew Sue was close by and she can get there quickly. I was able to communicate. Um and I didn't want her to come home and have like on our tiny little dead end street have it clogged with ambulance and fleece kernel.

So yeah. And it wasn't it you know, it just wasn't a long gap in time. So um and uh so Sue called and I just remember saying, look, you know, whatever happens, it's it truly is in God's hands.

We're I'm just along for the ride at this point. So um yeah.

Lisa:
Wow. So once you know he's having a stroke, how are you processing this?

Sue:
It's not I think I kinda went into my little like bubble, like when she gives you the diagnosis of cancer, it's almost like you put a a bubble protection around you and I know she was saying things to me, but I didn't feel like I inside that bubble is Jesus with me. Right? So the the Carmful things seemed I wasn't afraid.

I don't know how to explain it, but he was still talking. He was still uh talking with me and I felt like we were okay in the midst of that. And I knew we had to go get this taken care of, which is what we did.

Joe:
Yeah, and so uh I didn't Honestly, I i it wasn't uh how can I scrub? I wasn't scared. Right.

Right. Very concerned, obviously, because now I this is something that I've never had before and suddenly you know, I understand that this is really, really serious. But Um, but not not scared.

Uh people have asked me like, Wow, you must have been really frightened. I'm like, uh no, I wasn't really. Um knowing that I couldn't really affect the outcome.

We're already doing what's next. So Right. Um and you know, I mean God had it under control.

So whatever happened from there, uh I you know, again I was just long for the rod.

Lisa:
So Wow. I just have to breathe for a second.

Joe:
And I honestly didn't want to w it was unnecessary to create panic for sale.

Lisa:
I'm thankful for you even in that moment, just God keeping you awake, you being able to somehow get upstairs with that And you know, I can't help but think hearing you the Bible talks about how God gives us peace that passes understanding. And hearing you both say I it didn't make sense. Yeah, like in that moment, I can't help but think of that.

It's like the bubble. I was picturing bubble wrap, like around you, you know the way you were saying And but it the way you said it's curing Jesus. Yeah.

And and just how that peace comes up at those moments where It's like we could totally panic. But it and and so in our world, like we panic, but it's the peace that passes understanding where we can't understand it in that moment. And Ooh, hearing you say that.

So okay, so fast forward a little bit, how does this pan out? Uh did the ambulance come to you?

Joe:
It did, yeah. And so, you know, a couple of things.

Sue:
And they're they're fast. They're fast to check things.

Joe:
Uh a couple young uh ambulance uh attendants, I guess, they they picked up a paramed on the way. to the hospital. Um at one point and so at this point my left side is completely paralyzed. I'm kind of talking out of one side of my face And uh in the ambulance one of the young guys he's like, Okay, I want you to raise your arm I I he said leg first, I think I said I can't. He goes, Raise your arm like I'm trying right now, it's not going.

Lisa:
It's almost as if they didn't believe him.

Joe:
He picks up my arm and does this and he goes Hey, check this out to the other one and he does it again. I said, I'm right here.

Sue:
They wouldn't even right here. They wouldn't even let him help him pick up his leg to get on the gurney at first. It's like And I'm like no I'm like, he's not faking it, right? Oh my god.

Joe:
But it was a it was a talkative time to the hospital. It was ten minutes, whatever, and you know, we chatted about stuff.

Lisa:
Oh god

Joe:
Well uh yeah, at the hospital uh I had a robo doctor see me, which is kinda weird. A robot comes into the room with uh a TV screen and it's the uh the neurologist from his house, I think. But it's a robot with cameras and he looks at me and tells me three stuff. Yeah. And then he turns to the nurse and tells her three.

Sue:
Three seconds for you.

Joe:
And after going through stuff, he simply said, in Sue's hearing, your brain is dying Oh. And we need to act right away to save you. Do you consent?

I said, yeah, let's do that. That seems like a good plan. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of Sue back there, like Hearing the doctor say your brain is dying is probably not comforting at all.

Like, hey, wait a c sugar coat things, you know.

Lisa:
Right, right, right.

Joe:
But uh yeah. So they they did the click.

Lisa:
Is it when you I I don't even know this for sure. When you had the stroke, did it stop at a certain point? Or is it progressively like stuff still going on till that moment where He said dying, like it's still going.

Joe:
It's an active process, yeah. Okay. As attested to the fact by the paralysis had already set in.

Lisa:
Right. Yeah.

Joe:
Okay. So um So they did uh the the usual treatment is like uh a whole bunch of blood thinner pumped into your arm all at once and you know fifteen. Uh yes, make it open.

Thankfully, they focused on that. Um it just has to get in your body, it thins out the clotting that's going on, breaks it down. And I think it was about fifteen minutes later that I could like wiggle a finger or something, you know.

And uh within a couple of hours most limb movement was coming back. Um And then um five days in the hospital. So took care of a couple of uh three th three bucket list items, never been uh in an ambulance before.

Got that covered. Never been in IC for five days and uh never admitted to a hospital. So yeah, covered uh covered those.

Lisa:
Don't need to do that again. Yeah, could you have other bucket list things maybe?

Joe:
Less dangerous ones? Less threatenings.

Lisa:
Exactly. So during that time in the hospital, you are not in the waiting room this time. You are in ICU.

How is that different? And You know, how just how was that? Was Sue able to be there?

Were you at work? Like how did all this pan out?

Joe:
Thankfully Sue was able to go there, stayed for a number of hours, I guess, into the evening. And then When it just was clear that there was no reason to stick around and and lose more sleep and they were taking care of me.

Lisa:
And he's good at this point. That's amazing, thank God that all that was the thing.

Sue:
Because we got there within like forty-five minutes

Joe:
It was even less, I think, yeah. Wow.

Sue:
Because it was that fast, um, we were very, very fortunate. Um they say usually people after an hour and hour and a half, it's all it's not good. Uh in some prospects.

Lisa:
Sometimes we're like, oh I'll just wait an hour and Maybe it'll just pa but but the maybe the left side happening uh like that's severe, like okay, we gotta go get help here But wow.

Sue:
All my neighbors were running out to say, Do you want us to drive you? And I'm like, No, no, that's okay. I can do it. Right. Um, because I wanted to be able to get back home too when it was time. So yeah

Lisa:
Now are your children home at this point? How did that play out with them?

Joe:
Well, only Chris uh was around. He was at the house, youngest.

Sue:
I think he viewed a lot going on.

Joe:
Unfortunately he had COVID and couldn't.

Sue:
That's right, because we had the dog.

Joe:
Right.

Sue:
Since we had the dog, Chris was back because Chris helped us pick the dog and was part of that.

Joe:
So unfortunately he he wasn't able to see me until I got home and I know it was a really sad time for him. Yeah. That is hard to not be there for your other kids and spouses came into town to see me, which is really sweet

Lisa:
Right.

Joe:
And so one of the little things that uh that God did for me, you know, I mean it's still there's everybody taking care of you and they're waking at all hours of the night to check on you and make sure everything's okay, make sure you're not slipping backwards. But there's five days and it's start to get mm start to get a little little antsy and a little lonely too, you know, honestly. Even though there's a lot of people doing stuff, they're they're looking at gauges and poking needles into you and stuff like that.

Lisa:
Yeah. But uh Hey, let's hang for a little bit.

Joe:
But there was a few people who uh who had relationship with Jesus who were tending to me. Uh and they're like, Hey, you know, can I pray with you? I'm like, Yeah, absolutely, that's great, you know.

And the one uh one uh lady nurse that came in, I don't I have no idea if she was uh a believer or not, she's like Could you use a hug right now? I'm like, I really could. And it was just it was just a small, simple, sweet thing to do.

And uh and that human connection was was really helpful.

Lisa:
Wow. Wow How are you on this and okay, we're like he's at the hospital, I want to jump back to where you hear that about the brain dying and all What's going through your mind? Like all of a sudden, like you had the cancer earlier, he went through that. All of a sudden you're Rock, your husband is like Walk us through that a little bit.

Sue:
Yeah, so we have a lot of Christian support around between his work, um, my work at the Christian school. um church, he he's like the pillar of the church. Everybody knew what was going on and the prayers were just incredible.

And um we had a lot of food coming over. And it was just amazing to see how supportive everybody was through all of that. So We had a lot of avenues of help.

Joe:
And a number of little answers to prayer along the way too. So I was really glad for that.

Lisa:
Anything in particular that jumps out? In those little and that just comes to mind for either of you or well I love God's idea.

Joe:
So Yeah, and so starting from the simple one in the basement there to, you know, praying against further damage. Um Praying that God would bring me a believer to talk to at the hospital.

Sue:
things that aren't real anymore, you know, and and stuff like that. But this also added another stage of life. And For Joe, it feels to me like he was less concerned about his list of to-dos.

And more connected with the people around his to-dos. Um the lady at the corner of the neighborhood. He was always connected with people who needed another talk, another prayer, another just a connection to help them see Jesus.

in their part of their life and i just uh one after another. It's been like that. It's almost like he retired with Jesus.

You know, I mean like he's ki we're both still working. It's kind of like we're in a different phase, so it's It's like we don't have to quite work as hard and more people are people are more important.

Lisa:
Yeah. Um it's interesting. So uh kind of what you're saying is A big life thing happens and it shifts priorities.

And people kinda the to do list, it sounds like gets tossed. And not totally, but yes. He he wants another vest, but no just but the uh but really people are are the priority.

Yeah. And so and sometimes that's part of the to-do list. But um wow, well that is a powerful thing to think of too, just the change of of all that.

And So going through this for you, you know, you're in the waiting room or hearing the doctor and things like that. Again, your walk with Jesus, where does that come into play? You have you had great support and community and peace.

Sue:
Anything else jump out to I think it I think ultimately, not right away, but ultimately it's brought us Closer.

Joe:
A quick little thing about seasons in my life. So uh I grew up in a home where uh God was honored and my parents loved Jesus and had a relationship with him and Five years old, I remember praying with my dad to ask Jesus in my heart and started that lifelong relationship. And then uh fourteen years old, um I uh threw a an interesting youth event got uh involved where I met a youth leader who challenged me and said, Okay, so y you're a believer, that's great.

What difference are you making? His name is Ron. He encouraged people to Well go make a difference.

Right. So basically saying, okay, so you you've got your your relationship with Jesus, that's great. Is anybody else knowing about that?

Are you actually telling people about that? And and and so that was. That was a challenge that was hard one.

Like yeah, I've got my my core group of friends that love Jesus and all that, but uh, you know, am I really making a difference to others? Um, and not that that ever necessarily went away Um but you know, here I fast forward to being in intensive care in the hospital. Basically bored other than being you know, poked and and have bloodletting happening regularly.

Lisa:
Bloodletting bleaches.

Joe:
Yeah. Um but I'm like Lord, you know, uh what do you want me can you please give me some opportunities to tell people about my relationship with you And uh and so we honored that and had a chance to talk to several of the nursing staff and doctors and stuff and uh and it was great.

Sue:
Let me tell you what God gave me today. Well, yeah.

Joe:
So that's that's been the conviction now is okay, well I I don't know how much time I have on this earth. Let's let's do something with each day. So Right.

My my deal with God is give me the opportunities to to talk to people about Jesus and open door. Let me go through that door and just share because this is my life, this is what's made. all the difference in my life.

I want to point out this has it's very little to do with me and my abilities. This is um basically I am trying to be intentional and and trying to uh make myself available and look for the opportunities because I know God's gonna provide 'em because that's what he's been doing and and I I love that and so I wanna be able to step up to the challenge. You know, when that comes up, I want to have the words to speak and God's doing that.

Lisa:
Oh, I love that. And you know, my dad will often say your situation is your assignment and no one wants to be um in that ambulance or in that hospital room, but uh being there there are people who may need encouragement, patients or medical staff and Uh they need encouragement or they need the hope that you have talking about Jesus or um so I love that you had those opportunities. Well, I'm sorry you had, you know, went through that experience, but when we choose to make that our be intentional about uh well, okay, God put me here.

No way, you know, gave me the God gave me this opportunity. Uh so thank you for sharing that. And thank you so much to both of you for All you've shared, sharing your stories, these are scary things with a spouse when you you don't know how it's going to play out.

Things can go sideways so quickly with a stroke or cancer. And so I'm thankful you both are alive, making a difference in the lives of others and just uh wonderful lifelong friends. So And if you would like the hope that Joe and Sue have talked about today, that relationship with Jesus is right there.

And uh it's just something we can choose and whether it's that peace that God gives us in those moments, that anchor. So, and I hope next time you will join us with Thrive in the Mess.