3 Ways to Make a Difference in a College Student's Life | Go M.A.D. | Hutchcraft Ministries

Jesse:
Happy New Year everyone. This is Jesse, producer for Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Doug's dropping his daughter off at college this week, so in his stead, Brad talks with longtime friend, Pastor Jeff McElrath.

They discuss how to make a difference in the life of a college student that you care about. Brad and Jeff were roommates in college and spend some time living afresh the triumphs and trials of college years. Jeff shares plenty of wisdom coming out of life with his own kids that applies not only to college students, but also to anyone that you influence.

So without further ado, let's go mad.

Brad:
Well welcome back everyone to Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Now today we are going to be talking about something pretty cool. It's Three ways that you can make a difference in a college student's life you care about.

Now this is not your parents. You've got someone in college and it's like, oh, this is for parents. No, this is for everyone who knows someone that's in college right now and ways you can make a difference.

in their life. Uh now I do have to say, Jesse, to you and to all those listening, Happy New Year.

Jesse:
Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Brad:
It is the first podcast of 2022 and we have not been shut down yet. So we are doing great here. Um, I have to say, you may wonder why you aren't hearing from Doug right now.

Uh I was not, it will be on the last one because, you know, Christmas merriment and visiting family and everything. But Doug right now is dropping his oldest daughter off for her first semester. That's a big day.

At college, it really is. I mean, literally right now, I think she is diving into uh her uh new life at school and um I think she is trying to pry Doug and Anna off of her legs um as we speak. They have uh they really this is a big transition.

I mean they have two boys that are younger uh than her at home but this is this is kind of big don't you think?

Jesse:
I and it's it's also uh it's a completely different world for both student and parent and siblings. It's like it's not really like anything else that's been experienced before, especially going to a big school, because that feels overwhelming.

Brad:
Yeah, it totally does. And uh and we are it can be overwhelming actually, but we uh that's why we want to talk today with a special guest that's gonna join me in just a couple of minutes. I have to tell you.

I'm gonna tell you more about him in a minute, but this is a college friend of mine, but who is also a uh head pastor, no thanks to me, um that up in New York, and uh he is an awesome dude, great individual. We're going to uh talk to him in just a few minutes. But Jesse, I know you're a huge ESPN fan.

You watch it all the time, right?

Jesse:
Oh, the sports. The sports are good.

Brad:
All of the sports. Um there's a show on there called Pardon the Interruption And part of their show each week is uh they they each day they will talk about they have someone that tells them errors they made during the show and they'll correct those real quick. I had a couple errors from uh that I need to address two from podcasts uh recently.

Uh are you good with that? Uh huh. I want to make sure we're on the same page with our listeners here.

Well, now I am. Well, first of all, correction from the Christmas episode, I somehow put Christmas with the cranks above elf on my list of Christmas movies. So I do need to apologize.

And clarify, good movie, but it was a mistake on my part. The the angry mail we got on that from my house was uh that was pretty that was pretty stupid.

Jesse:
The angry mail from your house.

Brad:
Yeah, I mean my kids were writing letters a lot. Um The other one is a correction from 1984 or 1981. It was somewhere in there.

I listened to Dad and Doug, and they're talking about the New Year's Resolutions. Great podcast episode. And one of the resolutions they listed that I've now seen in print was that I wrote down egg.

You did. For a New Year's resolution. Egg.

Jesse:
That's what I heard too.

Brad:
I have no idea. What did you mean? What did you mean?

Chise. I apologize to my younger self. I apologize to the listeners That egg was a New Year's resolution.

So So did you did you did you follow that New Year's resolution? No, you know what? That that New Year's resolution I saw it, it actually had a question mark on it.

It was egg question mark. That's even worse. It was just egg.

All right. Um, so, and one last thing I have to talk about before we dive into uh our topic here today. Jesse, have you heard the big news?

I want to make sure all of our listeners have heard the big news about Taco Bell. Have you have you heard about the Taco Lovers Pass? Oh yeah, but why don't you tell me to make sure that we're thinking of the same thing?

Just to clarify, make sure you know it I saw yesterday. You can pay $10 at Taco Bell and you get a free taco every day for a month. Now different tacos, you could use different tacos, but uh ten dollars which seems like a really bad idea.

I'm gonna be honest If you have a New Year's resolution to eat more Taco Bell, you may want to go back and listen to our previous podcast.

Jesse:
It's funny that they make that deal in January. Just like forget, you know what, guys? Forget the New Year's resolutions. Just join us.

Brad:
It's really true. Yeah, forget everything you've said about getting healthier. Here's our time. This is the best time we could think of to launch a Taco Bell.

Jesse:
You won't fail if you don't try.

Brad:
So, all right, so there we go. Just say no. You too can be a Taco Bell past lover or something. I don't know.

All right All right, so I I have to ask you, Jesse, before we welcome in uh my good friend Jeff, uh right now, you've dropped someone you care about, your sister-in-law who uh was living in your house with you and Tara for a number of years and everything. She went to high school here and everything. You dropped her off at college.

What are some of the things you think Doug might be experiencing right now as he's uh dropping off his daughter Noelle?

Jesse:
Hmm.

Jesse:
Probably the biggest one for me, and one that still is ongoing, is how much do I try to do for her now that she's in college. Do I let her experience life and fail and be confused about things like Car insurance or just life stuff, or do I fill in the gaps and helper? What what's more helpful in the long in the long run?

And I'm sure Doug's feeling that dropping Noelle off and being like, okay, now how much do I check up on her? How much do I see? W does she need anything?

Do I provide that for her? Do I let her get it herself? Uh that transition to adulthood and just taking care of adult stuff is really tricky because you want to be there for them and you kinda want to catch them so they don't have to fall hard, but you also know, man I fell on my way to becoming an adult and I think everyone kinda has to, but man, I want to find that right balance of how much is too much.

And how much is not enough?

Brad:
Man, that's good. When when do I catch them? How much do I catch them?

When do I when do is falling the best thing? Uh and uh yeah, that road to a adulthood and how do you kind of navigate that as a parent with a student. And my hope here today, I will tell you, my experience from dropping my daughter off at college and my my sons is nothing.

Because uh they're not old enough. And uh so they are I don't have experience there, and I'm like, well, who and this is Doug's first, so I'm like, who can help us navigate some of this and and and we can learn from. And here's the deal.

My dad told me and told each of us and said this to Noelle as she was heading to college that some of the people you meet in the first few days of college will wind up being lifetime friends. Now I have to tell you something. Dad was very right about that, but if you had given my friend Jeff and I a lineup of the people that would be lifetime friends, I don't know if we would have picked each other.

I don't know if you had given us a sheet of this is who they are and this is the problems you're going to have uh with them in your life. Uh I don't know if we would have said that and here we are uh lifetime friends and Jeff is as I said head pastor he's been married 26 years to his wonderful wife Heather He's a father, a great dad to his kids, and I have to say he is the owner of basically every dog breed I want to own. Uh St. Bernard and Bulldogs his own and Pugs.

And I mean, he just has the market cornered on awesome dogs. So I want to welcome in Jeff McElrath. Jeff, it is so good to have you with me.

It's awesome to be here. Thanks for having me. This is great.

Absolutely. Now Jeff, I would You'd probably agree. I mean, if you had put me in a lineup, I don't know if I would have been one you would have picked as, hey, we're gonna be uh good buds later in life.

Uh be honest here.

Jeff:
It was a little bit of a rough start. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It was a little bit of a like, hey, I don't know what this guy's about. I don't know what this guy's about And uh yeah, but but maybe that's why, maybe that's the secret sauce.

Ooh. Is that we weren't like super compatible or naturally drawn to each other, but but the crucible that was Fisher Forey's No doubt. Brought us brought us great joy and camaraderie and togetherness.

And uh and let's be honest, at the end of the day were kind of the same dude. And uh I think I think we we we ended up having great appreciation for that. And then, you know, senior year we got to We got to live together.

Junior and senior year we got to live together. Yep.

Brad:
And uh and we survived that and we still talk to each other. So that's that's amazing. If only there was a Bible verse about ironing sh iron sharpening iron And uh that that is can be a good thing.

And that really well, I think you're right, that as we lived on the same floor and then uh same dorm, same house, and everything, it was like Man, there there is a refining going on that for me, I'm gonna say straight up, was a very good thing for me because you go into your freshman year of college and you're all fired up. And especially you're going to a Christian college, you're like I'm going, man, I'm gonna debate people and they're gonna believe that I'm gonna get them to my side. And then you're like halfway through a debate and you're like, I don't even know if I'm right.

I don't um I'm still arguing and I have some things to look at here. So that's that's one thing you did for me was we would have conversations, especially early on, maybe more heated at times, not like angry, but I mean we're just getting we'd get passionate about things. Oh, it was angry.

Jeff:
It was angry at times Without a doubt.

Jesse:
I'm trying to sugarcoat it.

Jeff:
In my spiritual in my spiritual walk, I was I was really early in my discipleship. um at Wheaton and and I was kind of, you know, trying to figure that out. And so you were such a cheater when we would argue 'cause you would do this thing where you would quote scripture which was like a new thing like, oh, so If I'm gonna fight and argue and debate, I have to be able to quote this this book that everybody's talking about that I was, you know, vaguely familiar with, but definitely not at a point in my walk.

where I could like quote it. Like I didn't even think that was like a thing you were supposed to do, right? So that was huge for me 'cause it forced me to become more intentional and and uh and really let's be honest after that I think you and I were just purely a detriment to each other.

I mean let's be honest. You know, once you once you moved a thousand miles away from me, you lost weight, you became more productive, you know. So I I don't know if we're like supposed to live in the same zip code, but I'm glad you're in my life.

Brad:
They actually that's been uh that's been banned. Uh we are not allowed to live in the same zip code.

Jeff:
That's uh I don't think our wives would let that happen. They're smart ladies, they know better.

Brad:
With that said, Jeff, let's dive into a little bit of college life because um all right, my daughter She is going to college in a couple of years. I'll be all right. Um we've got uh Doug started, like I said, starting our first semester now, but Uh you've sent a couple kids off to college already.

And what uh really hit me the other day was I it wasn't long advice, but the advice that you gave to Doug on a Facebook post the other day got me thinking. What Doug posted was In the very near future we drop off our little girl at Wheaton College for the first time. Daddy is having kind of a hard time, doing my best to avoid sunrise, sunset, butterfly kisses, and especially Stephen Curtis Chapman Cinderella I thought I was tougher than this.

And uh, Jeff, you just said anything short of a of a full nervous breakdown is a success, which I I think I agree with actually. You said don't fight it, just celebrate what all that emotion represents. And I said, I need to learn more from Jeff.

The world needs to learn more from Jeff. And so I don't think we have quite the world listening quite yet, but after this podcast, who knows? So um who knows, right?

I just want to ask, what are we aiming for three ways to make a difference in a college student's life you care about. I w what can you tell me? What can seriously what can we learn from you today?

Because it's a road I haven't walked yet, but I do have a lot of young adults that I know who are in college, and I always want to be better in helping come alongside them, encourage them. Uh smother them with advice they haven't asked for, whatever it might be. Um so what is uh what do you got for us

Jeff:
Sure, sure. So let me give you a little bit of a little bit of context. So I'm the father of uh four kids.

Um our oldest is um married and Expecting second to be a grandpa in 2022. I'm super pumped about that. Um and uh and then I've got a son who's a senior in college I have a daughter who is doing community college online right now, and then my youngest is a sophomore in high school.

So we got two girls and two boys, which is going to be a key plot point. um to some of this as well as you try to encourage um a daughter or a son for those of you that are in that situation. But the first thing that I want to point out is our topic today is three ways to make a difference in a college student's life you care about.

There's a separate episode if I get called back for Three ways to make a difference in a college student's life you don't care about. That's like a different that's a different topic. Or or in a college student's life that you mildly are indifferent about.

Or then the third one is in a college student's life that you have a respect Straining order against like those are those are like different deals all together. It's a series of podcasts. Yeah, right.

It's gonna be like a series, right? But no, all kidding aside, the point, the obvious point, but the very important point is You have a heart for this student. Like that's where it begins, right?

So, so obviously we have a heart for our children, or at least we should. And we should have a heart for the college students that God has in our church families or people that are in our path. And recognizing like this is a really challenging time.

And it's also a time that our world has messed up so badly. Like there's a lot of things that the world doesn't understand, this is probably at the top of the list because we have created a culture where we've misled our college students to think like somehow they're heading off to college and what they do and what they think and how they treat their bodies and how they do relationships, like somehow it's not gonna matter. Like it's this, it's this freebie time where You know, um, it's like some cheat code in a in a video game where, oh yeah, you can just run around with with immunity and it's not gonna matter.

And the truth is, it's the exact opposite. What happens to them at this super formative time is going to vastly and profoundly shape their ability to be in a committed relationship. be in a healthy walk with the Lord, to be, you know, productive and and have an internal impact and to wait for it.

Go mad. to make a difference, right? So so we have to understand one that we have a heart for them and they're somebody we care about.

And then secondly you know, to understand like this is a this is a key time. It matters. This is a this is a make a difference time.

So so that's like the first piece of that But there's a second piece of it that's that I think we have to own personally if we're going to have an impact. And that is We can't help other people go mad if we're not going mad ourselves, right? So if you're not actively, and I I would suspect most people listening to this podcast are listening because they're drawn to this idea like, hey, I want to go make a difference.

And that's super important because there is no way that you're going to help other people make a difference, particularly college students. If you yourself are not engaged in trying to make a difference yourself, right? Like you can't you can't lead people where where you're not going.

And so I think that becomes a really important part of this part of this piece. So having said that, that context, the first thing that I want to say as far as what to do is I want to push back on you a little bit, Brad, and say, you know, you haven't done this yet, but you're doing it. You're doing right now.

I know you and I've been around you and I've been around your routine with your kids. In fact, I'm I've often been like convicted by this if you've ever um if you ever spend time um with the Brad Hutchcraft family folks just know this like from the time that Carissa was born Like when they put their kids to bed, it's like a four and a half hour process. Okay?

And and like I've I've like I've like witnessed this and it's like I think they read like the entire Bible to them cover to cover usually every night. And then there's like seventy-five statements of like pronouncing God's blessing on their life and then I don't know if they like I think they perform like a miracle or two maybe and then and then it's like off to bed, right? You know?

And all kidding aside, all kidding aside. That kind of intentionality, that kind of purposefulness is what lays the foundation to have a fighting chance to have this creature called a college student be willing to have anything to do with you at all. Right?

So it's super important. So so I will tell you that when I took my firstborn, um, whose name is Carissa also to college I had been preparing for this moment with a statement that was a part of bedtime routines, was part of dropping off at school, dropping off at camp. key moments where I would say to my children and and to Carissa the oldest, I would say, who do you belong to?

And she would respond, I belong to God. I belong to God. And then as we got older, we went a little deeper in the theology of that and to say, well, why?

Or how? And the answer was, because of Jesus Christ. So who do you belong to?

I belong to God. Why? Because of Jesus.

And so when I'm at Messiah College after this, I mean they don't make it easy. They do not make it easy. We had a candlelit ceremony.

at the end, this worship time, and there's candles as if I'm not already like about to like curl up in a fetal position on the floor. And we're singing this beautiful songs and there's candles and and all this kind of stuff. And then I knew we had to get in the car and go and sh and they had our activity she had to get off to and I'm like, I can I can do this, I can do this.

And I just I just gave her a hug and I looked at her and I said, who do you belong to? She said, I belong to God. I said, Yes, you do.

Don't ever forget that. Right? And that's that is the essence, right, of the foundation from which we can do these three things that we're going to talk about.

And that is powerful. That really is.

Brad:
Yeah, that's power I love that question, Jeff. That is uh I'm jotting things down as we go here just ca that that's beautiful. And uh I will say that we have trimmed our evening routine down to three and a half hours.

So we're uh we're getting there. They really do. So that's a great foundation there, Jeff.

Thank uh thank you. All right. So keep going.

Jeff:
I I'm loving this.

Brad:
This is great.

Jeff:
So we got three things that I want us to consider in light of that context. So the first one is to be available. That is huge.

So if you want to make a difference in a college student's life that you care about, you've got to be available. Now, how that functions in the life of a college student is not how you think about availability. And and I had to learn this the hard way over and over and over again.

So so maybe you're somebody that doesn't text. Well guess what? If your college student that you care about wants to text, you know, stretch out those thumbs and get at it and text If that's if that's how they want to connect.

If your college student wants to send you, you know, memes that really don't connect with the things you care about on Instagram and you have an Instagram account with them, do it. You know, don't don't neglect the ways that they're trying to make connection with you. You don't get to like set that agenda With a with a college student.

Oh man, that that's really good, Jeff.

Brad:
And incredible I even say I I tell people that are like, you know, especially people who have a college student that care about uh son or daughter, the whoever you're talking about, where they're like, uh, I you know, I'm not I'm not on the Instagram, I'm not on the Facebook. And I'm just like, get on there. I don't care if you like it.

I don't care if you post the status. I don't care If you are going to be connected with them, I have a Snapchat account. Do I do anything with it?

No, except interact with people who might message me or if they have a status or something to show. I care about what you care about. So that's really good.

Be available and be available not just in the way you think, but in the way they want you to be available.

Jeff:
Yeah, so for example, um we're gonna talk a little bit more in a in a sec about integrity, but first thing I'm gonna do is tell you and teach you how to lie, which may seem a little odd for our setting. But I cannot tell you particularly with my son how many times the phone has rung after midnight And I answer the phone, I I know what's what's going down, okay. Just for the record, it's never a crisis Ever. Ever. And it's never anything that is even really remotely relevant to the things that I normally care about.

Brad:
Oh my goodness.

Jeff:
But it's like Hey, first question is always, hey, are you up? I wanted to just chat with you about some stuff. And I always say, oh yeah, I'm wide awake.

What do you want to chat about? And you just do it. And w and they may want to talk about the new flavor in the soft serve ice cream scene at the cafeteria at one o'clock in the morning.

Brad:
There you go.

Jeff:
Or they may want to just, you know, shoot the bowl But if you wanna if you want to show up in their life, if you want to make a difference, you've got to be available and you've got to be connected and you've got to have those little conversations when they want to have them. Or you're not going to be able to have some of the bigger conversations when they arrive. So first one is be available.

All right. All right. Be available.

The second one is be accountable. And I want to kind of unpack what I mean by that. And what I mean by being accountable is there's a mutual accountability that we need to have with our with our college students.

And let's talk for a moment in terms of a child for a second, which is probably what many of us are are thinking about when we think about this topic. It's so important that with your with your college student that first of all, that you're not their buddy, but also that you're not their overlord Right. There's this balance that has to happen.

And the way the accountability piece happens is that we certainly do need to expect integrity from our college students, but we need to practice integrity. with our college students. Right?

So if there's any aspect to your parenting or to your relationship with this person that has become bullyish, that you've been maybe a little bit of a bully as a parent or a little bit of a, you know, kind of heavy-handed, you're going to have to find a fundamentally different way. to relate because guess what they're now outside of your of your control right newsflash They've been outside your control since they were born. See the first question, right?

Who do they belong to? Who have they always belonged to? Who are they always going to belong to?

God. Wow. Not you.

But maybe there's times we have the illusion that yeah we can we can control them or or we have enough authority in their life. But here's the key on this be accountable piece. Is it's now time for them to see the authority of God in that what you've taught them works.

Wow. Right? Like they now they now have to go off to college and realize that yeah, maybe you're not going to be able to control all their access to how they relate to the internet or how they relate to you know, people in relationships or how they relate to you know substance abuse issues or whatever and they've gotta experience and they've gotta taste and see that the Lord is good, right?

And so what better way to do that than for you to be growing yourself? Right? If they if they see If they see you as a parent, as a friend, as an older, you know, church member that cares about them, if they see you dealing with your hurts, your habits, your hang-ups, If they see you, you know, the the quote Brad goes back to our college experience.

I remember the first time I I saw it, I think it was, I think it might have been Dr. Hawthorne in Greek class. shared the um the DT Niles quote that that evangelism is is one beggar telling another beggar where to find some bread. Right?

You know, like if we have to create an environment with that college student that that has that theme, that has that tone. The whole the whole thing of like just lecturing and giving giving dynamic speeches and I'm a preacher so I I had to work through that illusion like You know, my kids are one good talk away from getting this figured out.

Brad:
Yeah, right.

Jeff:
But but when they see their dad love them, be available to them, and then be an accountable And that they see me being accountable to God and and calling them to be accountable to God. Yeah. Um, it's huge. It's huge.

Brad:
Jeff, one of the things that comes to mind with that is our church. Uh when they do the baby dedication, they hand out a jar full of marbles and uh they basically say Hey, when you I every week of their life from now till they turn 18, take a marble out, which I can't even do. I mean, I just I I would just be weeping every week.

But I they just say, hey Do that and then at the top the line says control and the bottom it says influence. And they really like to point out that as you lose your marbles, it's a great pun, they have to make it Um I love it. You are moving from control to influence in their life.

And that's really it sounds like that's part of what you're saying is You know, you can't control this student, but if you have that accountability, if you have that integrity, if you have that role that you have set forth for them and you have that influence in their life, there's still that connection. And If you practice integrity, then they have that model and you can say, hey, it gives you grounds to say, hey, Talk about that decision they made or whatever else and see if that can continue to be an area of influence in their life as you have that accountability.

Jeff:
Absolutely. So the point isn't not to confront. You absolutely have to confront.

Because quite frankly, who else is going to confront if you don't, right? you know, depending on where they're going to school, even even, you know, in some you know, Christian colleges, they're going to get exposed to all sorts of different things. And so you absolutely have to be willing to step up and say, you know, uncomfortable things or things that are unpopular.

You know, it's not, it's not about just being like, Yeah, buddy, it's all good. Because it's not all good.

Brad:
Yeah.

Jeff:
But in the same breath, you have to be willing to model and you have to be willing to be humble. and and be accountable to them. Just as you want them to be accountable to God, you have to be accountable to God.

Brad:
Fantastic. All right. So we've got Be available and be accountable. I'm hoping the three third one is a B, otherwise I'm going to be really thrown off here. But uh we'll we'll see.

Jeff:
You'd be disappointed, wouldn't you? Yeah. And I wouldn't be much of a preacher, right, if I didn't come with like a third, a third B, right?

So I'm not going to disappoint on that. The last one is be unshakable. Be unshakable.

And this this by far is, I think, one of the hardest. the hardest parts of this and everyone has their own buttons on this but this is where we have to be able to create an environment of integrity and truth and truth-telling by being super reflective and not super reactive. Alright?

So I'm just gonna tell you right now that you're a college student that you care about. is inevitably and probably quite quickly going to share something with you that you find deeply disturbing. Deeply upsetting in some way, in some way, shape, or form.

It may be something as stupid as like what they're doing with their laundry or not doing with their laundry. Or it might be something about a a belief or a philosophy that they're entertaining. It might be about a relationship thing.

Or maybe or maybe your college student is struggling with something that's just outright sinful, but they're being authentic about it. They're naming it with you. Don't blow that moment.

Okay? You don't have to say, hey, that's great, but if you if you blow up, if you uh if you operate out of your your flesh, Or Brad Knight's favorite Greek word ever, Sark. There you go.

Sark. You operate out of the flesh, right? And and you like just get angry and go back to that whole control thing and you shame and you You bully and you guilt and like that's it, I'm taking your car or whatever it might be.

Okay, what do you think you've accomplished? Like there's no button where you're like, okay, that's it, you're eight again. We're starting this thing over No, there the ship has the proverbial ship has sailed.

Wow. So how you show up in those in those moments, right? And again, this comes back to the way that we make a difference.

is by embodying the heart of the gospel, which I believe is both grace and truth, right? And just a little biographical piece of that. My children, three of my four children are named out of John 1.

14. And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, we've seen his glory, the glory of the one early, full of grace and truth. My daughter's name is Carissa Grace.

My second daughter is Alethea, Alathea, which is truth. Ian is Scottish for John. And then we just decided we needed a prophet.

So we rounded out with Elijah. So that's a whole story for another day. But the point being this grace and truth, right?

This tension can't really exist in the same same place apart from one place. Right? Like the idea that we're going to be graceful and truthful can seem so oxymoronical.

It can seem so impossible. And everybody likes to criticize from that. Well, there's only one place where grace and truth can occupy the same space and it's the cross, it's the cross of Jesus Christ.

So we have to continually come back to the cross, right? And have and have a a theology and a practice of okay. When I'm dealing with these uncomfortable situations and oh my goodness, I don't care whether you're so I've had two kids that I've dropped off at college and a third kid that I've dropped off at the kitchen table with a laptop.

And it's really no different, right? So I have a little phrase that I would love to to offer for folks to think about living out this unshakable part. And it may seem a little a little odd, but you figure it out.

That's that's me. But here's what God brought to mind as I thought about this. It's okay to yell your prayers, but whisper your wisdom.

It's okay to yell your prayers, but whisper your wisdom. And this is what I mean by that. If you've got all sorts of anxiety and even anger and rage, you know what?

God would love to hear it. You know? I I love I love the scene in the apostle where Robert Duvall's up in the attic and he's yelling, he's yelling at God his prayers you know, and shaking his fist, right?

You cannot read the book of Psalms and not see that that is not only encouraged but welcomed, right? So if you're just filled with all this anxiety and whatever, you know what? Get on your knees and let it rip

Brad:
Wow.

Jeff:
Right. You can yell your prayers at God about why is this happening? And you know, why are they dating this person and all this is gonna happen to the end of the world or whatever it is that you're fearful of.

But when it comes to dealing with the college team that you care about You need to whisper your wisdom. You need to be you need to be a still small voice. And and I want to tell you a profound moment.

It wasn't in college. It was it was like a junior high moment for me, but one of the most Holy Spirit piercing moments for me in my relationship with my own father, who is not a man who is short on intensity or or speeches. But in this moment, oh my goodness, uh and that's why I'm still talking about it today.

We he'd come into my room and we were moving stuff around. I mean it's this classic You know, we we were moving the bed and out from underneath the bed between the mattress and the bed, some inappropriate materials fell out. Let's just say And I was I was dead to rights.

I was like, oh my gosh, I'm toast. Wow. And I will never forget my father.

very calmly, very peacefully, took the materials, didn't even take them. He tossed them on the edge of my bed and he said, the Lord will come in more surprising ways than this. And he walked out of the room.

And I went, whoa. Because I was gearing up for a fight. And I knew how to deal with fights with my dad and to argue.

And I knew how to like protect my sin from from that onslaught of judgment or bullying or what are you know whatever he was trying to do, God bless him. But when he was soft and he just literally whispered that to me the Holy Spirit just like I threw of course I just threw it all away immediately I was convicted about it I still I still think about it today and I'm I'm 48. And so those are the moments we need to have with our college students.

We need to certainly need to speak the truth, but we need to do it in grace. And we need to do it in a way that can be accessible and build and build bridges.

Brad:
Wow, Jeff, I that story just said about your dad, that I mean Got me a little misty there actually. Just the uh that that is powerful because it shows a uh dad who you know he was before the Lord praying for his kids regularly. And uh and that comes from that.

It's not something you can uh just cram for that test of this happened. It is a, you know, there are times where I sit there and I'm like, man Am I going to be ready when the if if this issue comes up or whenever whatever sin issue or bad decisions come up? And it's like, you know what?

What I've got to do is make sure I am consistently before the Lord so that when anything might come up, that I do have that opportunity for grace and truth. That it is not uh man that that phrase don't be su Be super reflective, not super reactive. I mean, it's so easy to react.

And I would just add to that a phrase that you've priorities used, Jeff, but I know we use with um our uh ministry that we do a lot with Native American young people is that this is a chapter and not the book. Don't react to whatever might come up as if it were The end result. There is a road ahead.

We all have a hope story. It is always being written and added to. I still add things to my hope story because we are always growing in this faith with the Lord.

And so I for you to share that, that be available, be accountable, and be unshakable, that is a huge one. Um I seriously, the notes I'm scribbling down here, I can't wait to uh file these and have these on hand because I'm gonna want to revisit these. I know I'm gonna want to revisit these and uh I would say hey You and I talk, hold me accountable on these things.

If you see me freaking out on something, uh, you know, feel free to be like, did you listen to the podcast Um were you there? So this is this really great. And I am assuming that in the next episode you'll get to number four, be a micromanager.

Because I didn't I thought that'd be one of them, but uh that I guess that Are you told three So I guess that's the next one, because that seems healthy. Uh no, I think uh It does, right? It really control everything.

This is huge though. I really and I do uh stress is We recap this, the intentionality leading up to college. That's really important to make sure that you, hey, if you have faith in Jesus, if you have a relationship with him.

Don't expect that your children have that. Don't uh don't assume don't we went to I went to college with friends who were living on their parents' faith. Make sure their faith is their own.

Let them struggle with their faith while they're at home. Let them make choices while they're at home so that you can help establish that bridge. even before they go to college, but have that intentionality to make sure you make much of Jesus, make much of the cross while they're home so they know where your heart is on that.

But Uh Jeff, I would just ask you as we wrap up these three things, be available, be accountable, be unshakable. If you would pray for all those out there, especially parents who have A child in college right now, but also others who just have so a college student they care for. These apply to them as well.

Would you pray for them as we're wrapping up here today? Absolutely.

Jeff:
Let's let's pray.

Brad:
Let's pray.

Jeff:
Lord God, I thank you so much for this opportunity to have an intentional conversation around something so important because One of the things that we have to understand is that the church, the body of Christ, is always one generation away from extinction And the devil is after our youth, and there is no better or more effective place where it seems that the devil is messing with people than the college experience and the college years. And so, Lord, I just pray for a fire in all of our bellies, all in the hearing of my voice, to step up into the life of a college student. And if you are a parent, then then Lord, we just pray that you would bless parents and grandparents.

But if there are people who don't have a relative in college, then find a college student that they can love and care for, that they can show up in their lives. In an intentional, grace-filled, truth-filled way. And so we pray that you would bless these efforts, but also help us to be encouraged that no matter our circumstances, no matter the ways we've messed up, your mercies are new every morning and that we can begin again and that you will use those failings as opportunities for the gospel, as opportunities for grace and reconciliation.

So fill us with your spirit and your calling. Give us endurance and this vital work that you've called us to, that we would make a difference for your kingdom. We ask this in Jesus' name And all God people said, Amen.

Amen, amen, amen. Thank you, brother.

Brad:
Jeff, thank you so much for being, well, not just guest, co-host really on this episode and for just helping us dive into some practical takeaway stuff. This is so good. And I I just hope that hey if you listen to this uh first of all we do encourage you Give us a rating and a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you listen, because we want more people to hear this.

And then share this. Share this link because this is important stuff that Jeff covered today. And if you know anyone that's got something they care about in college, share this with them because this is a lot of wisdom from a good friend, uh, a great brother.

Jeff, thank you so much for being part of Go Mad with Doug and Brad today. And we're really grateful, Jeff. Thank you very much.

Jesse:
And until next time, when Doug and Brad, Doug and me will be back in the studio together. Go mad! Where is it?