Suicide: Choosing to Live Not Leave - Real Stories of Hope

Dr. Kelly: Do you really not want to live? Or is it that you don't want to live this way? If something changed about your situation, would you want to live? Lisa W.: Yeah. Dr. Kelly: They want to live. Lisa W.: Welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I'm your host, Lisa Hutchcraft Whitmer. So hey friend, welcome to Thrive in the Mess. I'm Lisa Hutchcraft Whitmer and I'm glad you're here. Today. We talk about all kinds of messes on Thrive in the Mess, and there's often a recurring theme of how sometimes people get to the point in a mess in life and they don't want to go on one more day. They want to take their own life. And so today we're going to hear from some of our thrive in the mess friends, some of my friends, and walk through this of if you are maybe considering You're like, I can't go on one more day, Lisa. Or maybe you are someone who has walked through the loss of someone you love and care about like myself. I've experienced the loss of many friends over the years. And so why am I even talking about this? I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a doctor, but there are two things. One is that I have lost many people I know and love and care about over the years who have made this decision. And it's very painful. It stings even years later. Some people we even have had in our own home over the years. And then another thing is that years ago I chose to begin a relationship with God. And he loves us so much and cares about us. And I've chosen to be a lifelong student of God's Word. There is a whole lot of hope. and help and answers in God's word that I don't know what I would have done walking through so many life situations on my joyful days. There is such peace and comfort on my darkest days there has been great hope and I'm so thankful for my relationship that I've chosen to have with God. He has been my anchor through my hardest times. And as a firstborn girl who thinks, whoo, I can just do everything in my strength, I've got to the end of me. And I'm thankful for what God offers. So today, my friend, if you are considering, you're like, I can't go on another day, I do encourage you, reach out. You can call or text 988 Or you can go to 988Lifeline. org or you can go to chattaboutjesus. com. Please reach out. We're going to talk about some things about if you want to choose life. And I encourage you, if you're considering making this choice, please consider choosing to live, not leave. It makes all the difference. And friend, if you have walked through the loss of someone you know and love and care about, hang around. There is hope for you here today as well. And I love how God's word says God is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit. And that's a good word. That's a good verb to describe crushed when we lose someone we know and love to suicide when they choose to take their life. So friend, I'm glad you're here and walk along with us. We're going to hear from a variety of my friends who have gotten to the edge sometimes and almost cho chosen to take their life. There's a lot of hope here today. Friend, when it comes to the issue of suicide and this messy topic There are four life-changing truths that I want to share. First off, you are not alone. We live in a world where so many people, if they're honest, have gotten to the point where they say I can't go on one more step. And friend, you are not alone. I wish I could just reach out and give you a big hug right now and just say You are not alone. And we're gonna hear from some of my friends who got to some dark places with mental health in a moment. where they almost made that choice. One friend of mine, Kyle, once described what he was walking through when he got to that point of almost making that decision. He said it was almost like I was stuck in these chains in this box and I couldn't get out. I was screaming and crying and asking for help. But no one was answering me. Speaker 3 My dad was never in the picture. At home there was always family drama, Tell My Story, 'cause I'm sure it'll probably even just help someone like hearing that like there is hope and I came out the way I did. I didn't have to give in to really how bad the circumstances were. Um but there was just a lot of verbal abuse, sometimes even physical. But I knew I had a big identity crisis. I think even without having like a big male figure that I could look up to, I didn't know where I fit in, I didn't know where was my escape, I don't know Like with all the stuff going around me like what do I do with this? And so I became depressed. But I was like, I just want to end it. And I was literally holding a knife and I was like I'm ready. Let's let's do this. Lisa W.: Oh cow no. Speaker 3 Let's just let's just finish this. I'm living a pretty full life now. I'm like the opportunities and the things that I get to do and see and just the wonder, the constant state of wonder that I live in every single day Speaker 4 I was in a very just toxic and ab abusive relationship and that kind of brought me to um a place of realization of I can't do be doing this anymore. I want better for myself and I know that I'm gonna need God to do it. And wow that's kinda when I had that moment with God. Um I wanted to take my life at that point in time. I was really struggling just with all that darkness I was enduring. Um and I believe that God had met me just where I was in that at that specific point in time. Speaker 5 I felt like I was worthless. I'm just gonna go home and take my life. Because what else is there? My upbringing years Yes, there was a lot of domestic violence, physical, verbal abuse. Could sound crazy to some, but for me it it I can't tell you like how real and how serious it was when I heard the words that were spoken to me in that solitary time. I never heard those three words ever. Three words was I love you. Hearing that from you know hearing that from the Lord. Hearing him Come down to where I am and say I love you. It was hard for me to believe that anybody would love me. That love that he has for me It means you know it means the world to me. Lisa W.: So friend, we just heard from Kyle who talked about full life and the Bible even talks about how God offers us life and life to the full. That's amazing. Not just a little life, but a full life. And we heard from Mallory who said God met me where I was at And Will who heard someone say, I love you, and that made all the difference in his life. And today you can know God loves you and you have people in your world who love you. and we'll cover that more in a bit. And for Kyle and Joseph to not feel alone, they said they went from not feeling seen and heard, to learning that God sees them and loves them. They no longer felt alone. The Bible talks about having a friend closer than a brother. And that's what we have when we have that relationship with God. Second life-changing truth, you are valuable, uniquely made by God, one of a kind. There is only one you. And a friend at my house, I love using paper plates. They are nice and easy. And afterwards, I'm not sitting there at the sink washing my paper plates. What are these? They are disposable. They are trash. They're worthless. But you know what? In God's eyes, you are not a paper plate. You are what? You are fine China. We handle these carefully. We wash them. We put them carefully back away when we use them. Pull them out for special things. And this is what you are. The Bible talks about he knows the hairs on your head, the amount of hairs on your head. Like I lose hairs when I wash my hair. I don't know the new count of hairs on my head But God knows the hairs on your head, He calls the stars by name, and you have a soul. A star doesn't. You are more valuable. than a star and that's how beautifully made and valuable you are. God has made you and you're his masterpiece. And I'm not an artist, but I know you look at the bottom of that painting and who signs it gives it its value. And God has signed his name at the bottom of you. He has made you. You are valuable. And Jesus believed you were worth dying for. There are words in the Bible, John three sixteen, that talk about, for God so loved the world. And I'd like you to put your name in this right now. For God so loved, put your name right there. That he gave his one and only son that if put your name here chooses to believe in him, put your name here, you will not perish, but have eternal life He loves you. He felt like you were worth dying for. No, you are valuable. Third life-changing truth. You are loved. You are made and loved by God. The one who made the universe, these galaxies we're still finding. And he loves you. And you're loved by others. And please don't believe the lie of, oh, they'll be better off without me. they are better with you in their life. Loved by God, loved by others. Speaker 3 It's okay not to know. It's okay not to know what the next step is. It's okay not to know where you're gonna go or where you're gonna end up or who you're gonna end up with And it's like, you know, Joseph was saying is just take that next step, keep showing up, keep learning, because we're all learning. And do it unapologetically. Be proud of yourself that you made that small step. Be proud of yourself and that you have these small little victories that people might not see or appreciate you for, but you can appreciate it. And we appreciate that you're appreciating it. Yeah. Um and just know that you are loved and you are cared for and there is people out there that are just waiting to meet you. to get to know you, to be friends with you and tell you that they love you. Is hard as it may be to hear sometimes. And that you can be unapologetically yourself because God made you in a unique way. He gave you certain Gifts and talents that nobody else has and a certain voice that the world has yet to hear. Um But truly, truly, truly, you were loved, you were cared for And there is so much more to come. Lisa W.: Fourth life-changing truth. Jesus knows your pain and your hurt. You're deepest hurts. He walked through that here on earth. He went through betrayal and abandonment and great loss and great grief. He understands what you've walked through. And I want to hear from Kyle and Corine, my friends, about how they found that out about Jesus. Speaker 3 Yeah, retreating to God literally gives me like a sense of identity and gives me a sense of peace and security. Lisa W.: It gives me a sense of like There we go. But it's not limited one. Speaker 3 So that's the greatest because like it c you know you can go to that secret space at any time of the day. Whether it's five minutes on the train, whether it's, you know, driving to work, there's always gonna be the gaps that you're able to just reset and readjust your eyes back on. Jesus, cause ultimately He's the only one that satisfies the void that we have inside of us that's getting us that space in general. Speaker 6 You don't have to live like this just like I didn't have to, you don't have to live like this and the more you look to self-harm, suicide, um, the wrong relationships, the more you look to these things The more hurt you're adding onto your life, learning to come out of I call it like they like to hide in their dark closet But stepping out of that dark closet into the light and not keeping things hidden and in secret in there because that's where the enemy Wants to keep you in that shame. And that shame hidden. You can't deal with it. No, you have to bring it out into the light. But it's a choice. Everybody has a choice. And There really is no reason not to walk in that hope, but God is always listening. and we can pour our hearts out to him, our pain. Lisa W.: A friend, as you heard Corine talk about, when you drag things out into the light. You can deal with them. I have dust bunnies and spiders in some closets and I've been cleaning them out in recent weeks. Because once I drag it out, I can get rid of it. I can get rid of the dark stuff that's in there. And when you when you drag it out of the closet, you can deal with it. When you drag something into the light You can deal with it. So I encourage you to do that, and we're gonna hear from my friend Kelly walking through these kinds of life situations This will never change. We've seen that leads to even where we've lost friends and family. Dr. Kelly: You know how people get there. And think of any relationship. Hurt Turns to anger. Anger turns to bitterness. That'll affect your health. It'll biodegrade you. Bitterness turns to wrath. That's your inner rage you're so mad you're shaking. Wrath, malice, punch a wall or a person or cut into your flesh. Right. And then malice turns to murder. people that want to take their own life. Yeah. Which is murder. Right. Suicidal ideation. The idea of not wanting to live. So you know what I asked them? Do you really not want to live? Or is it that you don't want to live this way? If something changed about your situation, would you want to live? And all but one. Have said yes. And it's the mess. You don't know what to do with the situation. If something changed about your situation, would you want to live? Lisa W.: Yeah. Dr. Kelly: They want to live. Lisa W.: If you're watching today Uh you may be thinking, Lisa, my loved one already made this choice. And my the person who I care about is gone. They made this choice. We see faces And it stings, it hurts, and the grief is really like no other when someone we love makes that choice to no longer be living. And it's very painful. Like I mentioned earlier, Psalm 34, 18. There's so much comfort in the Psalms. I've read through the Psalms quite a bit. when uh my mom passed away suddenly of a massive heart attack. One of my favorites is Psalm 638, where it talks about my soul clings to you, God Your right hand upholds me. That was a lifeline for me after losing my mom. And I learned if I could hang on to God. Cling to him, another great verb there. If I could cling to him, he does hold us up. And I pray that for you, my friend, today. That where you are hurting and it stings with the loss of that loved one. I know it's horrific I've walked with so many friends through that and I've walked through it myself. And friend, I encourage you. There are two kinds of regrets, and I encourage you don't live with regrets. The first one is the should's and the if only's. If only I had. If I I should have, that's gonna kill you. It has killed me inside to think of, oh, if only I had And we can't live with regrets. It is crippling for us. We can't have the past back. Number two, we look ahead to the future. I encourage you. I try to live myself where we say our I'm sorry's in today. We say our I love you's. We reach out to those in our world. We say the please forgive me. And that makes all the difference in my days. We have today and all our days ahead. where we can touch the life of someone else. So release the past and those regrets and don't have regrets in today. Live today. With those things in mind of I love you and I'm sorry. Friend, I also encourage you don't focus on the end, on our loved ones' final choice. I encourage you, look at their whole life. After my mom passed away, I began thinking so much about the final moments in the ER. And my dad encouraged me, that's Hours. Look at her life. And I encourage you, my friend, today, look at your loved ones life. Celebrate them. Because you've got Inside jokes, you've got memories, you've got celebrations, you've got trips, you've got whatever it is, moments with that person. and don't focus on the end and the final moments. I encourage you to do what I had to do. I did take my mind and think about my mom's life, not the final heart attack Not your final loved one's choice. And friend, give yourself a lot of grace. Give yourself space to grieve. Lean into that, but don't stay there. And there is hope, there is healing, and we will always miss our person, whoever that is, the person who took their life like that. But friend, there is hope and peace and comfort. God is the God of all comfort. Friend, something that helps me is keeping my eyes on Jesus. during this time of grief and thinking about losing a loved one. And I think of a story in the Bible where there was this storm that came up on a lake with a boat full of Jesus followers And one of them was named Peter. He was a very impulsive, uh, boisterous kind of guy. And all of a sudden they're they're getting scared and fearful about this storm out on the lake. The wind comes up and the waves and I'm guessing lightning and the rain and then all of a sudden they see this figure off on the lake coming towards them. They realize that is Jesus. And Peter, always the impulsive one. He's like, I'm gonna jump out and walk to and because Jesus is walking on water, maybe you've heard of that if you're not familiar with the Bible, of walking on water. This is where that comes from. So Peter gets out of the boat, is walking on water, he was looking at Jesus, and when he had his eyes on Jesus, He was fine and he walked on water. When he started looking at the wind and the waves and the storm, what happened? He started to sink. And when I start to do that, when I look at the wind and the waves and the storm around me, I start to sink every single time. But when I keep my eyes on Jesus and the hope he offers and the comfort and the joy and the peace I'm okay. And I encourage that you to keep your eyes on Jesus, my friend. How do we move forward with choosing to live life? It really is one step at a time. And friend, I have eight intentional steps that are a path to life. Eight intentional steps. So we're going to run through them and we're going to hear from some of my friends while we do this. First is tell someone. That is a recurring theme of please tell someone you are feeling this way. And I do want to say these steps are for someone where you're considering, I don't want to live anymore. But these also can be an encouragement. to you if you have lost someone to this choice. So friend if you're considering this right now tell someone. We're gonna hear from a couple of my friends about why they encourage that. Speaker 7 May feel like you're alone. But you're not. There are there are probably tons of people that are walking through similar things, similar darkness. The biggest thing I would say is to reach out to somebody as soon as you can. I didn't do that and through my story you can see where that almost led me. Not everybody has the same experience. In worst cases it does end up on the on the darker side of things. If you are dealing with that now, please reach out to somebody, because God created you for a purpose and He loves you and it's hard not to uh tear up about this. We're created for more You know, God loves you first and foremost. You're created in his image, in his likeness. I would hate for anybody to hear, especially your family members or your friends, to know that uh you're no longer with us. It may not feel like it, but there is hope. And hope has a name and his name is Jesus. Lisa W.: My friend Joseph talked about how the heaviness was lifted when I spoke and told someone my struggles. Told someone I could breathe. The weight was lighter. I used to think I couldn't speak to anyone because of shame and guilt. Friend, tell someone. Second, community with others who care is key. Let's hear from Joseph. Speaker 8 The fact that you are still um showing up to school or showing up to work or showing up to your local coffee shop. Lisa W.: That's great. Speaker 8 Cause you're still giving it another go. Still giving life another chance. And but can still meet you there. Um you c continue to show up. Your friends online and your game or something like you're showing up and and people are caring. Um so take it a day by day is my probably uh the most effective advice I can give. Lisa W.: Third, speak or write your thoughts. Just get those thoughts out Kyle shared to get thoughts out, it helps to write or speak them. There's a release and freedom with that. Just get those thoughts out. And then Joseph shared for me, journaling has been one of the best ways to vent and say what's going on inside. And friend, if you're like, well, I don't want anyone to read it. I encourage you to take just take some paper and get the thoughts out. And then you can shred them, you can burn them, you can tear them all up into little pieces, but they're out. And get rid of them. And at least you're getting those thoughts out. For say no to those intrusive thoughts. We're gonna hear from Joseph about talking about living life day by day and being careful about those intrusive thoughts and for me even like I shared how After my mom passed away, my mind would drift back to her final moments in the emergency room. And those intrusive thoughts, I had to just say nope and put up boundaries and not go there. So let's hear from him. Speaker 8 Take it day by day, 'cause each day will ev eventually lead to a month, a year, etcetera. Um you have to address those stuff, the heavy stuff Regularly. Because if you let it fester it would poison your mindset and thoughts or you would notice stuff about you that's like you're you're more an antsy more sharp in your tone or something. Um and you haven't addressed it. And for all of us here and especially uh for myself it's Relying on Jesus because we don't just say as a cliche thing like without Jesus I can almost guarantee I would not be here Lisa W.: A fifth intentional step for a path to life is carefully select what you listen to and what you read, whatever is coming in, so it doesn't feed those darker thoughts or intrusive thoughts. And Kyle even shared how listening to certain music and uplifting music or worship music or reading his Bible was very helpful to keep him away. from that and to keep his mind focused. A sixth intentional step is a lifestyle of gratitude. I appreciate Joseph's words here about gratitude changes everything. Speaker 8 My lifestyle now is a a lifestyle of gratitude. Lisa W.: Wow. Speaker 8 Can't tell me. That's why that song hits a lot and the billion uh miracles cause When I'm speaking to a youth, there's like a practical step I answer everybody how to do is I say check your pulse And you feel that, keep going. That's one like a gratitude changes everything. Yeah. Like it really does. Even when you're going through stuff, I'm like a perspective. You y you stuff this, this, this, this. There's many people, you have food, you have drinks, clothing. And you you still have a function in brain and heart that can still do what it needs to do. So gratitude amongst everything else has been humongous in my life. Lisa W.: A seventh intentional step is so simple, but I love it. Check your posture. Our friend Joseph, we've been hearing from. He shared how walking taller. Just do it right now, even. Okay, sit a little taller, stand a little taller, but he said it affects how you view and feel about yourself. That's an easy one And then the eighth and final intentional step, though I'm sure you can add to this list, but it's look to God. He offers so much hope. And so much help. And we're gonna hear from my friend Taylor about how God has given him peace and purpose in life. Speaker 7 If you don't have peace with Jesus, if you don't have that relationship, find somebody that can help you Seek that out and get those answers that you're looking for because you heard through my story I had all kinds of questions, all kinds of hurts and disappointments But the thing that or the person that tied everything up and helped me understand what what I was created for is Jesus And if it wasn't for Jesus, I wouldn't be here. Simple, plain and simple. Lisa W.: Friend, we've covered a lot of ground here today. I love hearing from my friends who have walked through this. And again, you may be considering ending your life. And again, I am I ask you to please consider choosing to live, not leave. Please. And maybe you know someone you're in another group or you know someone who may be considering taking their life Share this with them and live out some of this with them. Or maybe you're in that third group of I've have lost someone to making this choice and I don't have that person I love and care about in my world anymore. And I hope you're leaving with some encouragement with that And a friend, you've heard a recurring theme with my friends today where they got to a point where they almost chose to take their life and not be here another day And God met them in that moment. Choosing to look to Jesus changed everything for them. I know one person right now, he just got married, and that's Joseph, who you've been hearing from. And he is an amazing wife. and a whole different life because of making a lot of these intentional choices and these steps to choosing to live life. I know another young woman, she almost took her life one day after being bullied. And you know what? She's married and expecting her first baby and has a thriving business she has built. There is hope. Like Kelly talked about your situation. If something changed about your situation, would you want to live? And that can make all the difference. Friend, your situation might not change today, but you know what can? If you reach out to the God who made you and loves you so much. Just crawl up in his lap even and know that he loves you. And remember those words for God so loved you That he gave his one and only son, and if you were the only person on earth, Jesus still would have died for you. Because there's that death penalty with our sin, that middle letter is I, and doing all these my way choices. It's either my way or God's way. and sin S I N and choosing Lisa's way is never good. And God's way is the way that has no consequences and offers such life and healing and hope. And friend, that's why Jesus came to pay either I have to die for all eternity, or Jesus died. He was the only perfect sacrifice who could pay that death penalty. So when it says how much God loves you and that he sent his one and only son to die for you so that you could have life here on earth to the full that we talked about and life for all eternity. And friend, all you need to do is turn to God. And say, God, I am tired of doing life my way, and I am sorry for making all these choices, my way choices. And I want to choose to live your and go your way. I am all yours. And friend, that makes all the difference. It has made all the difference for me. It's made all the difference for Joseph and Taylor and Kelly and Corine and Mallory, all our friends who we've heard from today and will. And I pray he'll do that for you today. I want to pray for you real quick, friend. Jesus, I pray that you will be with the person who is watching right now or listening. And I hope that they will have comfort and peace knowing how valuable they are, and I pray they will choose to live And I pray for those who have lost someone and the pain of that, knowing that someone we love has chosen that. Please give them your comfort and healing. We ask this in your name. Amen. Friend, I hope that you are leaving with some great hope, great encouragement. Please reach out, call or text 988. for some immediate help, go to 988Lifeline. org or you can go to chattaboutjesus. com And friend, don't forget there are resources at thriveinthemess. com that can help you more with this relationship also And I hope next time my friend, much love to you. And I hope next time you'll join us on Thrive in the Mess.