Helping Heal a Broken Heart

Jesse:
Hey, this is Jesse, producer for Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Thanks so much for joining us. If you've benefited from this podcast, make sure to follow us on social media at GoMadShow. Today we're tackling some big topics like Thanksgiving pants, who's the better John Candy, and bringing hope when you or people around you are hurting. Let's go mad with Doug and Brad.

Brad:
Well it's time once again for Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Welcome back, everyone, and greetings to our new listeners. Today we are going to be diving into something that is very real during this season.

And that's going to be talking about how do you live out hope for someone, even when you're hurting, especially when you're dealing with the loss. of a loved one. So we're going to get to that in just a few moments.

But we're really grateful you're here with us. Again, we are all about helping talk to people about going mad, making a difference. with their lives.

We have Doug here.

Doug:
Hey everybody. You know, I am so excited, Brad. You know, when you start making these podcasts, you go, Man, I hope we get a listenership. You never know. There's so many podcasts out there.

Brad:
Yep. Yep.

Doug:
And then to find This amazing statistic you shared with me the other day, finally we've made it. Well, this is this is pretty stunning. Just hang on, everybody. If you're driving Pull over. Wait till you hear this statistic.

Brad:
Yeah, this is not shocking. Proof we've made it. Here we go.

And we also we I do want to say we also have Jesse here. Jesse. Hey!

Greetings.

Jesse:
Oh there you go. Greetings and salutations

Brad:
Yeah, Jesse, I you're gonna be stunned here, Jesse. Here we go. When you research podcasts, did you know first of all that they say there are on average over 300 podcasts that launch every day?

Man, that guy must be tired. No, no, no, Doug. I should have made clear, not from the same guy.

Doug:
Okay.

Brad:
So you never know. Our people listening to everything, we have huge news. We have now seen through statistics that are out there that we are in the top 50% of new podcast listenership.

I mean lit and I'd like to leave it right there. If we could just leave, we don't need to say what that means. All right.

Doug:
I think it's a top fifteen. All right.

Brad:
You guys have a great Thanksgiving. Man, always gathering with family and the turkey and all the stuffing and all that stuff, yes, for sure.

Doug:
I did all my usual Preparations. I had my special Thanksgiving pants laid out and I remembered to put 'em on. Um of course, planes, trains, and automobiles got that all DVR'd And watched I um as I'm watching it, I'm thinking between the two of us, Brad.

You're Neil Page, you're the Steve Martin guy. I'm Del Griff fifth the John Candy guy mostly because I always have something you know up my sleeve to get you to pay for lunch. I probably would have flipped that for some reason.

I don't know why, but it is so funny watching the the car rental counter scene when it's on like TBS. or something where they edit out the profanity. There's like a four minute scene becomes like eight seconds.

She's like, Can I help you? He's like, Yes, you can start by and scene. You're done.

That's really true. Anyone who's seen that, you know What we're talking about. At the end of the day, even after all the frustration, how's this for a segue?

Neil does end up being a make-a-difference person. He ends up being a mad person for Dell just by being there. And if you've been listening to the podcast a little bit, you know that this is what we love to talk about.

make a difference living, this constant reminder that it's a decision. Being a mad person is a decision to be intentional about your influence instead of accidental. So you don't just bop around life and let life happen to me and hopefully I might be nice to somebody and you decide what effect you're gonna have on people every day.

You go, I want this person, I want these person people to feel more loved. I want them to feel more valued around me. I want them to feel less ignored.

First Corinthians 5. 20 verse we keep coming back to. Remember, we are ambassadors for Christ as if he is making his appeal through us.

So once again Your day starts to look a little different when you start looking at people as when they're interacting with me, they're supposed to be interacting with Jesus because I'm his ambassador. I'm his representative here.

Brad:
Yeah, and I have to tell you that we are encouraged every time we get to even spend time together in here. I I did hear one in we've heard some really good input from people already, just how This is making a difference for them. And and that's great because it's making a difference even in our lives to talk about this.

But one of our good friends said, hey, one of the things that I notice with your podcast is that a lot of the podcasts I listen to I have to do on the double speed option because, you know, it makes them go along quicker. He said, I can't do that with you guys because of how fast you talk. So we hope that in the midst of our talking and Sharing stories and everything that you're able to every time pick up on some key ways to make a difference.

One of the things we're talking about today is we're going to get to, as I said at the beginning, we're going to get to how you can live out hope. For people who are hurting around you, we're entering a season right now that is very real for bringing up hurts for people who have lost someone. We know that they're, whether it's recently, we know a lot of people I heard again this morning of just Some people that I know that lost some loved ones to COVID over this last stretch and it is heartbreaking.

We know others have lost loved ones just For a variety of reasons. And it could have been in the past year, it could have been in the past five years, but you are still feeling that hurt.

Doug:
I remember it was right before Christmas actually, and I was at a place called the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Uh my son Taylor was born with some pretty big heart complications, among some other things. He's our miracle boy.

I mean, we were told before he was born that um to just be prepared, he wasn't even going to make it out of the birth canal. A lot of miracles in his life. And I I was pretty self-focused uh at that point.

I just remember going, man, why does this have to happen to us, especially around this holiday that we love so much? And I I got into an elevator and uh there was a guy there who was looking extremely down. I mean he was he had his hands in his pockets.

He was staring down at the ground and I asked him, I said, hey, how are you doing? What's going on? And he said, Well, he said, I've got a problem.

This beeper has become my life. I said, what what does that mean? He said, well, my daughter was born here four months ago.

She was born with half a heart. And they're keeping her alive with some machines, and they told me that she needs to be here uh until we can get a whole heart in her through a transplant and so I just keep living with this beeper on my belt here because I'm supposed to get a notification if they ever find one. I've lost my job.

I've lost my life Um, I'm having problems in my marriage and he actually said I had never brought up God to him and he said, in fact, he says, I don't I used to believe in God and I don't even think I do anymore. I wasn't sure what to say to him. You know, it's interesting because, you know, both of us, Brad, we we um we did the Bible college thing, the ordination thing.

And the more you go through life, the more you realize it's not those things that ultimately qualify you to make a difference uh in somebody's life. So I just thought of the only thing I could do, I said, man, could I could I pray with you? I was expecting him to say no because of what he had just told me, but he got tears in his eyes and he he thought for a moment.

I could tell he was thinking it over and he said he said, Yeah, let's do that. So we prayed with him and by the time we got down to the bottom floor, he thanked me. He said it was the first time he had thought about God in quite some time.

I remember the reason I even thought to do that, I remember my dad telling me that when you do that, when you pray with somebody, you've just shown somebody that God is real in your life. uh and that you have a relationship with him. He's just not some God that that doesn't care and sitting on a cloud up there.

Um in fact Brad, I've never been denied when I've asked someone if I could pray with them.

Brad:
Yeah, there's something special about being able to ask that because a lot of people, it hasn't happened for them. I know it uh for you When you're sharing that, it's just to me to picture the hurt that you were going through, the pain that you and Anna were facing at that time, you didn't let that stop you. from reaching out to someone else. You could have easily we all know the elevator stair where you are staring at the numbers, you're staring at what floor you're going to to try to avoid to talk to somebody. It's awkward.

Doug:
You're hoping they don't do don't do the elf thing where they

Brad:
No doubt. And so you are sitting there. You could have done that.

You could have said, I'm in my moment, I'm in my space, but you reached out to someone else. And th th that is one key way to do this, to be able to pray with someone and I want everyone to know that's listening I know and Doug knows the hurt that comes around this time of year from having lost someone because we went through that in 2016. The very unexpected Homegoing of our mom.

And someone shared with me this verse as we were going through some challenging times that year, including the Christmas season, which you know is gonna be some triggers for someone that loved us, loved me like mom loved me. I knew there were going to be triggers and it kept coming up. Psalm 34, 18.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit. So when we're talking about things today, when we're talking about praying with people and a couple of the things we think you could do to help someone who's hurting this season, We're not saying ignore your hurt. We're saying that the Lord is close to you.

He is walking through this with you, and you can help be his hands and feet for someone else.

Doug:
Remember that great scripture that says that when you've been through a lot, when you are have been through something awful, you are able to comfort Someone that needs comforting that otherwise may not have listened to you, but they know you've been in the same place. So you know how you can reach out to them authentically. Uh you know Stephen Curtis Japman.

Brad:
Oh yeah. Christmas albums are that are fantastic.

Doug:
Eighty billion dove awards, Grammys, all that stuff. You know though that he's kind of the king of the lump in the throat songs. I'll dance with Cinderella.

No doubt. Oh my goodness. That one.

My daughter's going to school, uh starting college in a couple of months. Do not listen to that song right before that's gonna happen. Oh my going into Can I dance, Daddy?

Could we dance together, Daddy? And then she's walking down the aisle. Okay.

King of the lump in the throat songs. He's got this one off his first Christmas record called Home for Christmas. And it it talks about in fact I I dialed it up on my phone here and uh it it just says that everyone comes with their food and gifts and grandpa comes alone now.

And uh, you know, we see our own dad and we wonder what he must be going through because that is been his life for the last few years. You know, one of the things I remember the most from that time was somebody just writing me a note. Telling me these are the things that I loved about your mom.

Now, those were five sentences maybe in that person's life that maybe took them two minutes to write. But I still, five years later now, still remember that again. It doesn't take that much effort.

It just takes getting our eyes off ourselves. to be a make a difference, to be a mad person, and that person made a big difference in my life just by taking that one step of kindness.

Brad:
Man, that's good, Doug, because Galatians six two says, Carry each other's burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ. God tells us, hey, even in the midst of your hurting, carry each other's burdens in these practical ways.

Jesse:
One of the ways that I've seen that practically work out in my family's life is I've I've heard it called the ministry of presence and meaning just being there with someone and helping them process grief and helping them process their emotions. I've pi I picked this up out of all places, the the Pixar movie Inside Out. I have kids and I I've seen it a billion times.

And the whole idea is this girl moves across country and she doesn't take the time to process what she's lost in the move. She she doesn't take time to grieve the friends and the home that she's left behind, and she just kind of keeps going. And she's not able to really be herself until she feels sad.

She can't feel happy until she feels grief. And that struck me, because that's a that's just what I want to do with my kids. Hey, let's move on to the next thing.

Oh, I know this that you're sad about this thing, but let's just let's just focus on the positive. Let's just keep going and and kind of push it behind us. Let's Let's make sure we don't dwell on that.

And sometimes they need someone, I need someone to sit down and help us feel those feelings out. and work them out in a healthy way.

Brad:
Man, Jesse, that is I the you you just spoke to me there. I because I what comes to mind is Romans 12, 15 for me, mourn with those who mourn. But I'm right there with you that sometimes you want to move past that moment. You're like, well, man, if I distract them, they won't it it'll make it easier on them. And sometimes You just need someone who's willing to sit there with you and say, I will cry with you, or you can bury your head in my shoulder, or whatever it is, but I'm going to mourn with you and not try to control the mourning, basically.

Doug:
And man, that's hard to do, especially for a guy. Let's be honest here. Because it's awkward.

It's awkward. Something difficult comes up and yeah, you want to get off it because it it just feels strange and And just being there and listening and I don't I don't mean staring, you know, at their forehead and going, I can't wait till they're done. I'll I guess I'll stay here until they're done talking.

I mean really listening. uh that's hard for guys to do, but there is uh something about knowing that that individual has experienced that with you that is powerful. I was at a breakfast that my dad was speaking at once.

And this was again, we went through oh it just so many of these things we're talking about just remind me of this very difficult time before our son Taylor was born. And this was it before he was born, but we knew there were some real challenges and um that he was going to have most likely some some awful issues when he was born, if he was even born And um I remember a uh gentleman came up to me, his name was uh Doctor Han and he introduced himself and he said maybe two sentences to me and he said, I heard about what you're going through Um, do you mind if I pray with you for a moment? And I, of course, they said, No, I don't mind.

And and so we bowed our heads And he started praying for me and he prayed, Lord, it's obvious that you have entrusted this young man. to Doug and to his wife Anna. You have prepared them in special ways to be the exact parent that he needs.

And he finished up in maybe 30 seconds. I was, of course, a mess. I I uh I I think I'd been holding a lot of things up to that point.

But the fact that I knew that he was entering into that heartache with me um enough to come up to a stranger. and pray absolutely floored me. I you know, I think sometimes I try to be a tough guy.

I'm from New Jersey. You kinda grow up going, better not show my emotions around my friends. But uh he entered into that pain with me and it made all the difference.

And 17 years later now, by the way, Taylor is doing great. They man. Seventeen years later here.

And 17 years later, I remember just about word for word that prayer.

Jesse:
And part of the beauty of that is When you pray with someone like that, you don't have to have all the right words, but you can look to the one who does. And you don't have to have all the right uh you don't have to know exactly what to do, but you're saying, like, hey, let's look to the one who does.

Brad:
Yeah, absolutely. And what's really cool to me is to hear how he prayed with you and then fast forwarding to you praying in the elevator. Uh-huh.

You took what someone it you didn't it didn't you didn't even mean to do that. It just happened you modeled what someone else did with you for someone else. And that's really what we're talking about here today.

We know that this is it's a heavy topic to be able to talk about how do you help someone even when you're hurting because they're hurting as well. There's one more thing here, guys. They we've got, Doug, I love what you shared about praying.

Jesse, you just shared about being there with someone and sitting with them in the middle of it. I want to encourage you guys to encourage someone in it as well because I remember when mom went home to be with the Lord. I still remember the first meal we got from a wonderful lady who was on our staff and is a good friend, was a good friend, her name's Brenda, and she is actually now with the Lord as well.

But you have to look at that. She she all of a sudden shows up and she provides us this beautiful meal and she just drops it off. She didn't need to sit and talk.

She just said, here you go whenever you need it. And people kept providing things for us. And I'll tell you, what God does through that is he helps bring these things at just the right time because people didn't know when we needed a meal.

But then all of a sudden they would show up with it. Let God use you that way. Uh, because there was also then in our community now, I fast forward to where we're at now.

A young man on our street, his mom just went to be with the Lord very unexpectedly because of a COVID battle. And our community, our neighborhood came together and said, how can we provide for them during this time, whether it's through gift cards or meals or whatever else? And because someone was there for us.

We are able to say, man, I feel what they're feeling more. Before mom went to be with the Lord, I didn't know what real grief was. And now having walked through that, I can at least, everyone's grief is different, but I at least can empathize better with people and say, what could I do to help bring them encouragement?

And food is one of those things. A gift card is one of those things. An encouraging word is one of those things.

Doug:
I remember when Brenda brought those meals to us. We didn't know at the time how badly she was suffering through some cancer. Try.

And When I heard that, I uh I was amazed because how could she have known that in that moment it would have meant that much? And I would just say If you're hurting this Christmas, this Thanksgiving, this ever, and you get this idea in your mind, you're a follower of Christ, you get an idea, you know what, I should do this for that person. Trust it, trust it, because that is almost certainly the Holy Spirit directing you to do something to reach beyond yourself.

And I'll bet you anything that the timing is going to be perfect because God has set it up that way. And what you think is just a nice little reaching out thing becomes a miracle in somebody's life

Brad:
I hope that this has been an encouragement to you who are walking through hurt yourself, how you can be hope and live out hope for someone else because you really can make a difference. Here's what I would encourage you with. When you were going through your hardest time, think of who was there for you.

And think of what that meant for you. And then be that for someone else. And if you were going through a really hard time and very sadly someone wasn't there for you.

Remember how that made you feel and be committed to n someone else never feeling that way because you were there for them. So whether it's because of a positive or a negative experience you've had, you can bring that into your situation and say, I'm going to be an encouragement because here's the reality, all these things we've talked about today. People remember who was there for them when they were hurting most.

We make a difference by being there for someone, and we make a difference by modeling it for others to pray. to be with them, to encourage them in a very practical and real way.

Doug:
You know, Brad, someone told me once people have to believe in a Christian they can see. before believing in a Christ they can't see. So you do this for somebody, you're not only making a difference for them, then you're being a Jesus magnet And there's gonna come a time when they need to have somebody to turn to in a very difficult time in their life. And it's going to be you, and you will have the opportunity to share that amazing savior you have found great hope in.

Brad:
We want to encourage you right now, if you are have been going through a hurting time or want something to share with someone who is, we want to be able to provide to you a free copy. of our dad's new book, Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking. This has been a huge impact.

You can check out Amazon reviews and see this all over. It has been impacting people's lives. All you have to do is email us gomadshow at hutchcraft.

com, gomadshow at hutchcraft. com and request a copy of the book and we will send it your way free as a gift from us to you because we think you could be encouraged by it and maybe some of you know could be encouraged by it as well. That wraps up this episode of Go Mad, and we pray it has been encouragement to you every other Tuesdays when you can expect new episodes from us.

So keep tracking with us every other Tuesday. We look forward to hanging out with you, spending time with you, follow us on social media, leave a positive review for us because it helps other people find it and be encouraged by this. And with your help, we will get to that top 40% of podcasts coming soon.

Doug:
We thank you guys too much.

Brad:
So until next time from Doug and Brad and Jesse, go mad