Honor Challenge: Marriage Power-Up Pt. 2 (with special guests Anna and Sara Hutchcraft)

Jesse:
It's part two of the Honor Challenge. In case you missed it, two episodes ago, Doug and Brad talked about being Christ's ambassador at home by honoring our wives. They then promised to model said honoring in the next show.

Well, we took a detour last episode to discuss Asbury University and Revival. And you should definitely check out that episode if you haven't yet. But now, as promised, Doug and Brad are ready for the honor challenge.

Brad's wife Sarah and Doug's wife Anna are in the studio as well for this one, so there are plenty of laughs throughout. But all four give great down-to-earth examples of what it might look like to honor your spouse. Let's get to it.

Let's go mad!

Brad:
Welcome everyone to another episode of Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Oh, this is exciting.

Doug:
Doug, you're back.

Brad:
Tonight Wait a minute.

Doug:
Is it is this the newlywed game? It is not. It is not the newlywed game.

Why is Jesse putting that music in my ears? Oh that's Brad. Single.

Brad:
We are here and Doug is back in studio here. Um and We are very grateful to welcome in our wives here with us today. You know, we can do this at the beginning, Sarah.

Sara:
Hello, everyone.

Brad:
And uh Hi there. Hey they are here with us, and we're excited because we'll tell you why in just a minute they're here with us. And I'm back after my dental surgery.

Doug:
You are, you are.

Brad:
It's been a little weird been having to learn how to talk again. But so far it's still good. Well if you will know during the episode if something happens.

So But we are uh we're so grateful we've gotten uh great feedback just from uh the last episode on Asbury and beyond what God is up to. And what that shows us is just people want to know continue to know how to make a difference in their lives and what these big things mean. And one of the things that probably is the biggest thing in a lot of our lives.

Is marriage? Is our spouse the one that we have walked down the aisle with that we have said this is the one my heart loves and I'm committed to. And we're going to be talking about the honor challenge part two.

But Doug, we had people tune in to the Asperry podcast that may have never heard us before. And even though the Honor Challenge Part One is one of our top episodes, listened to episodes, can you recap for us what that was about so folks get an idea? Hey, okay, this is what we're diving into today

Doug:
Yeah, absolutely. Um so this was a cool episode. We um you know, rather than Um just saying, well, we're gonna um have a continuation and talk some more and more and more about this, we thought that we might actually Brad and I have many times been asked to model

Brad:
Oh, yeah. Why are wives laughing?

Doug:
All right, now actually tangent model I had a brief modeling career.

Brad:
That's right. My my band in high school, they had a modeling show. Oh my goodness.

And they they uh did this I got selected it did. I it I got selected to be uh one of the fashion models. Well I literally walked down a runway.

I was never asked to do anything like that again. I'm just saying, but I did have a modeling career. You were chosen number one out of one people.

Doug:
It's a small school. No, we we thought we would actually model the honor challenge. Um and if you didn't quite get a chance to listen, uh it's just about the the power of encouragement in our relationships.

Yeah, in this particular situation we're talking about in our marriage relationships, but this is anybody. We took a look at Romans 12, 10, outdo each other in showing honor. Ambassadorship that we always talk about on the podcast, it starts at home when you have yeah when you're an ambassador for Christ to your wife, to your husband, to your kids.

Then that can grow out in power into the other people you love, the other people in your life. But if it's not happening at home, it's probably not gonna happen anywhere else. So uh the great power that there is in encouragement, it's spiritual glue.

If you are in a marriage no matter how long or any, you know, in a loving relationship. And you've received like the best compliment, just something really specific. You know how awesome it made you feel.

You can sometimes go for a month. on an amazing we don't suggest you only say one nice thing a month, but we've talked about doing it regularly and making it a habit, doing it specifically You know, r really think it through. Um not just you're so nice.

Brad:
You're a nice wife. You're Purdy.

Doug:
Purdy's a good one. But but specifically Exactly. Getting really specific and and and if possible do it privately. Even when there's uh even when there's uh kids running all over the place. If you can make it just you and her, maybe go out somewhere, just go out to the yard.

Brad:
We talked about that it's good to honor each other in front of your children, but there's just those times where you should sit down as a couple and be able to have those moments together, build intimacy. and to be able to show high value for one another.

Doug:
And we've talked about we're gonna get into the actual honoring. The actual just a second here. But reasons why, especially guys, dudes, why you might not want to do this, I don't share my feelings.

I just look at her nice. She knows what's in my heart. She knows what's in my heart.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. She might, but So uh this is a it when we say challenge for some guys and some women, it it is a real challenge.

That's why that word is there. Or Um, maybe you don't know how hard things have been in my relationship recently. And we take that seriously.

We know um that that can be rough, but maybe the healing of that starts With I'm sorry, and then words of honor.

Brad:
And then one other thing we did talk about is that there's this confirmation bias that basically if you see everything through one lens uh say you've been having a struggle, say there things have been rough at home or whatever, all of a sudden you start to see everything through that lens of well, oh there they go again, there they do that thing. And If you are honoring, if you are showing high value to your spouse, all of a sudden you start to see them differently. You start to view them differently because you're viewing them through this lens that God views them through, this unique creation. that God made and you're honoring them and you start to see them differently. If you don't believe it, try this.

Doug:
Yeah, seriously. There is such power when um the Lord brings up encouragement all the time. in his word.

And there's a reason for that. There is spiritual um Holy Spirit power in it. So let's get into talking to our wives.

Hi. Sharing them a little bit. You're pretty.

You're pretty. You took mine.

Brad:
Well, I want to I have you guys been married?

Doug:
Let's talk a little bit.

Brad:
Last week Celebrated 20 years. 20 years of marriage. We've actually known each other.

We were on the expedited dating plan. We've known each other for 29 and a half years. But we have met twenty years.

We've been married twenty years and uh we uh got to uh celebrate that together. And what a it was really just a joy filled time of being able to pull away and say, man, I I just get to do life with you. I get to spend this life with you.

And I will tell you that it wasn't it wasn't you. uh pastor talks about past Chad Cunningham he's been a guest on the show here before but he talks about having that weekly withdrawal and we don't always get to do a weekly withdrawal but I will tell you this that it's important because You get to breathe together and just say, you know what, we're spending time together. And so I that's a side encouragement that comes along with honoring.

Do an honor list while having that time together. But yeah, so we've been married for twenty years. Twenty years is seriously impressive.

Doug:
Well in today's world it's uh unless you've been married Close to twenty-eight years. Oh, I see. Now I'm not saying that's Anna and I wait, that's I think it is. I think it's exactly that's can I ask a question?

Brad:
You're coming up on twenty-eight. Wow.

Doug:
Can I ask a question? You said you've been married twenty years, but you've been together for almost thirty, or no.

Brad:
We haven't been together for I want to be cle because some people are like you dated for nine and a half years. No, we We were more frustrating to people around us because we were really great friends and everyone like, why don't you two just get together? Like, nah.

And then I and then we went back and forth. We dated for a little bit. We broke up for three years.

And then Here we are. And you know what? Hey, it's working.

Doug:
So I probably shouldn't go into the point of you know you've got great discernment when you know it fast And I think you're nine and a half months. Anna and I yeah, I mean it was less than a year. Um nine and a half years.

It's different how it's it's amazing how God does it differently. Um For us it was uh yeah, it was it wasn't I think it was last new year. We met each other in the summer, got engaged at Christmas, and then in the spring we were married.

Brad:
So we have so much to honor about you guys. And that's what we talked about in the last episode that we want to uh we want to be able to put this into practice so people can see this isn't A hugely difficult thing. We did not write poems for our honor list.

Oh, you did. Okay, that's right. The Antoine for Anna's point.

Because he can't cellos. Why do why did you bring that cello, Doug? But we do have to ask this before we kind of get into that, and please don't think this is going to be some awkward uh lovey-dovey thing.

It might be for a few moments, but the greatest. And how much. And we love you so much.

We talked a lot last time about honoring our spouses, but what does it mean for The ladies out there, what does it mean to hear words of honor, to feel like your husband highly values you? What is the What does that mean?

Doug:
Yeah, in the last episode about this, Brad and I said we were going to give it a shot to actually be doing this challenge more and more, so hopefully it's It's uh done something good in your guys' hearts. Talk to us.

Sara:
So for me, I I have to say there's there's the element of encouraging somebody makes them want to do that more. or meet the the level of um encouragement that you're given. But personally for me, even more than that is it makes me feel seen It's easy as a mom, as a wife.

There's so many things that we do that are behind the scenes, whether it's laundry or cooking or just washing the dishes at the end of the day when you're tired and you just start to feel invisible sometimes. And so when when you say to me, I really appreciate that meal or thanks for doing the dishes tonight. It it makes it feel like it matters, like you matter and what you do matters.

Brad:
Okay. So then to interject there, we've been talking about Sarah, you and I have heard it repeatedly in some of these uh classes. We've been part of and everything this year with teaching some of these young native leaders as part of the on Eagles Wings leadership center here.

But we've been talking about the names of God. And so if you're wondering how does this all fit into being an ambassador One of the names of God is Elroy, the God who sees. And so when you are helping your wife, your husband feel like they are seen.

You are being Christ's ambassador because you are being the hands and feet of Jesus and helping them know that you see them, but more importantly, that God sees who they are. And you see that as well.

Sara:
And that is one of the biggest things in marriage is to reflect God to each other. We want to reflect God to the world as ambassadors, but we want to start in our home reflecting who God is, the essence of God to each other.

Brad:
It's good.

Sara:
I think just also feeling like we're a team.

Anna:
Like it's it's him and I. We got married Now we have kids, we're we're a team.

Brad:
That's really good. Doing life together. It's not it's not kind of the two ships passing in the night or hey, this is what you do and this is what I do, but you guys are doing life doing this together. I I really like that So that really makes me want to honor Anna with what she just said.

Doug:
So I let let's get into this here. And honest, seriously, I honor you for allowing Jesus to define you. Growing up with lots of trauma and abuse, especially from your dad, but still somehow you emanate the fruits of the spirit.

I read that love list in First Corinthians thirteen, patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongs. Been married almost 28 years, and there are lots of things you could have kept a list of uh wrongs uh from this this fallen guy here, which you don't. And and because Jesus defines you are children are defined by him as well. It's reflected in our daughter's modesty and her kind heart towards the forgotten in our son's heart for the underdog In our son's love and hunger to learn more of God's Word, that awesome scripture, you are God's masterpiece.

If anyone is in Christ They are a new creation because you believe and live that on our kids do, and I could not be more grateful.

Brad:
Thank you.

Anna:
Thank you.

Brad:
Sarah, I would just say that uh one of the first things that came to my mind is I honor you for the way you have shown me unconditional love. Especially on the days when I'm feeling worn down and like I've not been what my family needs me to be. Uh there are days where I just am at the end of the day and just No, I didn't nail it and you love me in the ways I need, not just comforting me, but also encouraging me. challenging me or just walking hand in hand with me being there beside me and that unconditional love has helped me know, you know what Because of Christ, I can do this. I and and why just challenges me to be better the next day and the next day and the next day.

Doug:
Hon Anna, I honor you for encouraging me to spiritually lead our family. You're definitely strong enough to. Uh you have more than enough wisdom to lead a family.

And and many moms in our world have to lead their family because of an absent or unwilling father, and and they do a great job. I appreciate how you understand God's word when it speaks about the importance of a dad and husband spiritually leading a family. I know I don't do it perfectly.

Far from it, but still, you still support me, you lift me up in front of the kids, um, i all the time But y y you obviously have made the decision. I'm I'm not gonna disagree with Doug about a life thing in front of the kids and we go talk about it somewhere else. Um and I so appreciate that.

And and because of that, I feel such respect from our kids, and I know it's because you you model that in our home, and I'm grateful for that too. So thank you

Brad:
Sarah, this one's related to we get questions all the time about uh oh so you homeschool your kids and I always say well Sarah does uh the uh I just say I'm a showwater exactly. Sounds important, but I don't know anything But this relates to that, um, because I honor you for the way you have instilled a bigger worldview into the lives of our three incredible children. Uh you consistently have shown them what God is doing around the world and his heart for the world, for God so loved the world.

And you show them that, including through videos that you find that really engage them. And you show them how we need to be praying for the world, how we need to be praying for the persecuted church, how we need to be praying for these different areas. And it shows in their desire to travel and explore more and embrace this big world around them.

Doug:
Anna, so one other thing, there's so many things, but these were the first things that popped in my head here. So we have an eleven-year-old Navajo son listener uh that wants to honor his heritage by having longer hair. So he's kind of grown his hair kinda long.

Um awesome. Hair it is it he looks so cool with it, but it it's hair that gets in his face when he sleeps. You're probably wondering where I'm going with this.

Well, and I I I honor you that because no matter how tired you are, when Sam comes in, even if you're already asleep before bed to have his hair braided up so it doesn't get in his face all night. You give him a hug, you tell him you love him, and you do it, even if you fall asleep halfway through it. No, no, and and honestly it's One of countless examples of how you put our family first.

Um Proverbs thirty-one twenty eight says, Her children rise up and call her blessed, and I've always taken that as the older they get, the more they recognize how incredible. their mother is and has been. And I hear so many words of honor about you already from the kids.

And I'm grateful for that.

Brad:
So thank you. This right now is a point of disillusionment for me because I always thought Doug braided Sam's hair. That's not You don't do it?

I made mine. I knew you did that one time when it was just tied in a knoll. That's really cool.

Um Sarah, for yours, and you pointed out, Doug, these are the tip of the iceberg, but we said we were gonna do three each. We didn't want to, you know, make this a four hour episode here. But um Sarah, I honor you for the way you embrace your child at heart husbands.

Love of the 80s, the Yankees. Fun vacation spots. I like this one.

And many other things that were not what you grew up with as a missionary kid in Liberia, Africa. You have entered into the fun with me, which makes everything all the more fun.

Doug:
The question is, did she know about these things before before you got married. She's a yeah that was I know Anna's like, man, I wish I had known about that first. Oh man, it's a good idea.

Brad:
I I really I do love that and appreciate it because it really just makes everything so much more enjoyable. And our kids, I mean now, our kids are asking me to show them episodes of the A-Team. So there you go.

Doug:
That is uh how you know how you know you have The the Bible says if you raise your children right when they are when they grow older they will not depart from it. Yeah, there you go.

Sara:
So Brad, I love that that was your last one because at the very top of my list is I love how you make me laugh. I love how your childlike wonder and embracing of all Things fun keep me young. Your playful heart um keeps life unexpected.

I love that when the kids were little, I had to tell them no, those are daddy's toys. You might break it. And now they like to play with that he's like.

Doug:
Can I play with this?

Sara:
No. It's worth $200. So I love that you keep my life filled with wonder and Fun.

Anna:
Oh my goodness. That's one of my lists on my list as well. So I was just the way you still make me laugh and even at this moment. Um, I'm chuckling about something that happened this summer just while we were driving on a reservation and uh It just still makes me laugh.

Brad:
I love that. I love that.

Doug:
Awesome.

Sara:
I love that you helped me keep my phone charged, Brad.

Doug:
I don't recognize we get into this kind of depth. Hey, we said specific I know I'm just learning. That's actually I love that.

Sara:
We're getting very spiritual here. Brad and I, for those of you who don't know us, are very different. So he likes to keep his phone charged at 90%.

And I panic when it reaches about 3%. So the point of that is you you serve your family. You serve your family really well and you see our needs and you see our deficits and you see where we Where you can do more.

So I was chuckling to myself when you talked about the unconditional love and how when you reach the end of the day and the end of yourself You feel like you haven't given enough. And to me, I think about last night when I was sitting on the couch a little bit overwhelmed by life and I heard you in the kitchen putting dishes in the dishwasher. And I just sat and smiled because I didn't have that much more to give.

And I knew you were tired and you still gave. And that um that spoke really deeply to me, the fact that you would serve um in spite of your fatigue.

Brad:
Let me make a quick point. Real men do dishes. Do real men drop dishes?

Because that's my thing. We we trim down that way. I'm like, honey.

Doug:
She's like, great, great. Um To put the pillows down on the floor.

Anna:
And vacuum, don't forget, vacuum.

Doug:
That's true.

Anna:
And clean the bathroom.

Brad:
Well we're crossing a line.

Anna:
What's going on here? Okay, uh one of my uh list or item on the list is also how your nurturing side kicks in once one of us gets sick. uh just recently I've been not feeling well and your nurturing side just kicks in a hundred percent and you want to care for us, you want to serve us. was uh another thing that I have on my list too, so it's so weird.

Doug:
I'm like, it it's at 1%. I'm like, Anna's like, don't you think you should plug that in? Well, it's not at zero yet.

Brad:
If all it's like panicking, it's under ninety. If only I could convince Sarah and my brother to uh both limit the notifications. Actually you've done that more. Those numbers on your phones. I don't know.

Sara:
It's how I show my love to you. I love that I feel safe with you. There's a lot of people in a lot of marriages where um you call your parents or you call your friends and you complain about your spouse and I never I never am fearful that that's gonna happen.

I never worry that my mistakes are gonna be made public or aired out to anybody else. Um, you defend me, you speak highly of me. um to others often and I always feel safe when I'm doing well, when I'm messing up.

I know that I have a safe place with you.

Doug:
And that's Can I make a quick point about that? That that's so huge. I I think that husbands, even though i they're not they're they might mean well, but they they laugh or they do those wife jokes, you know, the ball and chain and And, you know, l listen to the the the crazy thing my wife did the other day or something like that.

Man, that's not honor. When it's when you're with your pals and you're golfing or whatever, honor is even if everyone else is making their wife jokes You're responding with, let me tell you what I love about my wife. There's ambassadorship there again.

That's good.

Anna:
The other one I have on my list is just your words of affirmation in just a small note in birthday cards, anniversary cards And probably one of my favorites is the songs that you write for me, Christmas anniversaries. Those are just Encouraging.

Doug:
Thanks, Annie. I gotta say one other honor thing. Everyone around this table knows how much Anna does not like saying things in front of other people.

And um I I didn't have to talk her into this. I just asked her if she wouldn't. I know that that It's not a favorite thing to do in the world. So thank you for doing this, hon.

Oh, it's really true.

Brad:
And for both of you being on with us, what we wanted to model here today, as Doug was mentioning, is just That this is very doable. That was the point here. We wanted to be able to honor each other and encourage each other through this, but we want people to see when I sat down, and wrote something, the next thing came right away.

And the next thing came right away. Because all of a sudden you're starting to think, oh my goodness. They're I knew they were incredible.

They're even more incredible than I usually take time to just stop And think through. That's a huge point, Brad.

Doug:
Whether you're used to this and m whether you completely do this already or you don't I've noticed in in most of what we've been sharing with each other, it takes some observation first. Sarah says I was I w and it takes some actual thinking. You know, Sarah says You know, I was I was um I was tired on the couch and I hear Brad doing this and it means something to me.

In First Corinthians thirteen keeps no record of wrongs, love keeps no record of wrongs, but I think it probably does keep a record of rights. Write it down. If there's something that you love that your wife did and you can't share it with her right away, write it down.

And like Brad said, I yeah If you're like, well, I can't think of much, and it doesn't mean it maybe you just, you know, don't think about your feelings a whole lot, but Brad's right, when you start just writing it down It's gonna start to flow and you're gonna think of all the reasons you fell in love with your wife and all the things you love about her now. And I promise you, you encourage You pour courage in. I always think of when dad says to end in courage is when you pour courage in.

Life is hard to get through. Man, there's so much stuff going on in our world and and cha raising kids can be so challenging and everything. We've gotta be a team, man.

We've gotta be Communicating why we love each other and and be the strong super power team and be ambassadors, practice our ambassadorship. our Jesus ambassadorship with each other and then get great at that with your kids, your coworkers, people in your life that you know need Jesus.

Brad:
Sarah and Anna, before we wrap up today, um, is there anything you would say to that I I didn't prepare you for this question, but anything that you would say to that husband who may be struggling right now or the wife that may be struggling to come up with something on this order in that in that hard spot in their marriage right now or anything. Any word of encouragement you would give to them

Sara:
I would say have fun with it. Sometimes we make something a little too spiritual or a little too deep and you want feel like you need to sit down and come up with a long list and write it all down. After you did the first podcast on this and I listened to it, uh kind of teasingly, I started to every time you did anything, I was like, Thank you for carrying that Walmart bag.

I honor you for that But what it did was it created a pattern of thinking for me. So even though we were joking about it a little bit at first, it it made me aware of all the many even small things that you do around the house, Brad, that matter, that that really that I notice. And so have fun with it.

It doesn't have to be deeply spiritual or profound, just Uh the things that you observe around the house, just say 'em as as you notice 'em.

Brad:
I like that.

Anna:
And just take some time to yourself and just just think about it. That's what I did was just kind of took myself away from the everyday having kids all the work. I just kind of just sat

Doug:
For a few minutes and after six weeks. You know, another thing real quick, maybe start small. If if You're like, man, I don't know about three things.

Okay, one. And and and maybe you just love. Does your wife make make your lunch for you?

Does she give you a kiss on the way out the door? Does she tell you she loves you? There are so many different ways that you can do this.

Start small if if you're scared of doing this Um and let it grow into something greater.

Brad:
And I think we'll wrap up with just something that you just mentioned there as far as these are all good points, but to take time. We live in a world that is full of noise, is full of distractions, that all of a sudden something has happened and you miss it because you forget about it by the time you get to bed that night or whatever else. And this is an opportunity to say, you know what?

I am going to take time to just think for a few minutes, to just process. We should be doing the same thing. with the Lord to be able to sit and say, God, I honor you and I glorify you because of this and this and this.

And if we start there and then we extend that to our spouse, it can make So much of it. It can make a difference. You know, I know we're wrapping up.

Doug:
Before we wrap up here, Brad, I I want to honor you. Because you really know how to wrap up the show. Wow.

Brad:
Doug, I want to remember what to say. For honoring me for ra wait, no. That's so admirable. I think we've hit the end for today.

How to know when you're done. That's our next podcast. That's right.

Thank you everyone for tuning in and To Anna, to Sarah. Thank you so much for being here with us today. And uh until next time, from all of us, to all of you, go mad.