Honor Challenge: Marriage Power-Up Pt. 1

Jesse:
What's up everyone? This is Producer Jesse. It's February.

That may be your favorite or least favorite month, but either way, we're glad you're here. In this episode, Doug and Brad dive into their most romantic hallmark moments with their wives. and it definitely does not turn into a competition.

Doug also pitches an idea for locomotive-based Valentine's cards. It's really something. Maybe you saw marriage in the title and thought, that's not me.

Well Doug and Brad hone in on honoring your spouse, but the principles can apply to pretty much any kind of relationship as we live out the role of Christ's ambassadors to the people closest to us. Okay then, let's go mad.

Brad:
Welcome back everyone to a brand new episode of Go Mad with Doug and Brad. We're back here with you and today, I mean we're in the middle of Love month here. Valentine's. My heart is fluttering.

Guess what? Should I get that to this month? You should.

You should. But this month, I actually celebrate 20 years of marriage. Twenty years.

That's right. So that is coming up soon. We're in twenty-seven.

Right. Look, this isn't a competition. I don't even I don't know why.

So we're gonna be talking today a little bit about Really honoring. We're going to talk about the word honor and courage. So you want to stick around.

Now this is not just we got to make clear. This is not a podcast episode, just if you're married. This applies there's a lot of takeaways too.

Doug:
Everybody, whether you're married, whether you think you might be married someday. Um and and and whether you're like, you know what, I just love being single. We're talking about honor today and the power, the absolute spiritual power that there is.

in that word, specifically as we honor one another with our words. So yeah, Valentine's Day. Yep.

If you're listening this around then. The the day when we remind our wives what a blessing it is to be married to us. We post all about it on Facebook.

They are You know what? I would have prepared much differently. Oh my goodness.

No, no, where we where we make sure the ones we love know that we do. I'm I'm thinking a little outside the box this year, trying to do something a little different because it's been 27 years. on on how to celebrate Anna on Valentine's Day, so you guys gotta tell me what you think, okay?

I don't wanna be cliche. I wanna do things sure differently. Flowers and candy.

Wait, both? Both on the same day. And this card, this awesome card, tell me, tell me what you guys think.

Honey, I chew, chew, choose you. And it's and it's got a A little um a little train on the train.

Jesse:
I like a train. And the flowers and the candy are in the train. It's not a real train.

Doug:
Oh, it's not a real train. You know, I just think it's gonna be a wonderful day. I can't wait to see her face.

Brad:
Well, you know what? If you really want to go for something different, add going out to dinner to that. I mean that's crazy. In a train.

Doug:
My in a train. All right, so you guys tell me real quick here, real quick, tell me something romantic. that you have done for your wife that you're particularly proud of? Or that was that was a great response. What you got, Jesse?

Jesse:
Come on, Jesse. You know Wait, how long have you been married, Jesse? Oh, uh uh we've had ten years.

Doug:
Ten years.

Jesse:
We're going on eleven. Yeah. That is awesome.

You know, things look different with small children than when you're first married in terms of what is romantic. What is romantic? Yes.

I find That my wife so appreciates the small things that include me going out of my way for her throughout the day. Like Uh I'm going out of my way to stop to get her coffee because coffee is her love language.

Doug:
I know Tara, that is her love language.

Jesse:
And it is her love language. So anything anything small like that throughout the day. It makes a big difference. It does.

Brad:
Yeah, I think uh which key point there. What we're talking about Today and even in our next episode is gonna be beyond Valentine's Day. This goes well beyond that.

It's a lifestyle thing that we're talking about. But for me, it was probably our uh few years ago Yeah, our church was challenging us, come up with a creative date and everything. And so I just kind of put together this fifties date.

This uh high on the leather jacket, hair slicked, the hair I have left.

Doug:
was slicked back and uh you looked a lot like the Fonz.

Brad:
In his later years.

Doug:
In his later years. Yeah, yeah, I mean a couple more pounds.

Brad:
Much later. A couple more pounds. And Mm Sarah was just she looked really cute.

I mean that was it I'm just I remember those great pictures. You know, just kind of like the uh old 50s attire and everything. And it was great.

We just went out, did the uh sharing uh uh malt, a shake, whatever, with two straws and all that. So it was a lot of fun.

Doug:
Yeah, you're right, guys. It's not a competition. And as I say that's good.

Jesse:
Oh.

Doug:
No, so uh when I asked Anna to marry me on Christmas Eve, nineteen ninety four I wrote her a song. Mm. And now every Christmas sense, twenty-seven of 'em, I write a song Just for her, only she hears it, just for her ears.

Here we go. I'll give you I I'll sing it for you because you asked. Oh.

Well, you didn't ask. I didn't. Here it goes. And uh you're awesome.

Brad:
What do you think? I didn't say they were long. Flowers and candy, dog.

Doug:
Flowers and candy. No, but I do candy. So so We are talking about honor today and the power that there is in honoring one another. Yes, we're talking a lot today about honoring our significant other. But what you're gonna hear some things today that will bring great strength and power and even repair.

Brad:
Relationships. That's actually I like how you said talked about honor because uh this actually an idea was brought up in church a few years ago. I was there and we were uh Sarah and I were sitting there and this uh he's with the Lord now but his name's Gary Smalley wrote a lot about relationships.

And he talked about the honor list And the honor list is basically where you are just throughout the year when you think of something that you value about your spouse, that you are writing it down. And that you share it with them. And one of the key things we're talking about today is with this type of honor list and encouragement is doing this with our words, which is where Specifically talking to the guys out there, the dudes, it's actually a lot of times easier to do, hey, I'll plan a date, I'll stop and pick something up, I'll give a gift.

Doug:
rather than to sit there and say I don't do words.

Brad:
Yeah, to say, hey, this is how I feel about you. This is what I want to honor about you. So we are talking a lot about honor through our words. And the do thing is that is very important.

Doug:
It can't just be words, but we really are trying to be an encouragement to you today for you to think about specifically how you can honor the person you're with in this relationship with your words because you know Valentine's Day, love, all that romantic stuff, that's important. It's great to keep that fire going. in your marriage, but when you're talking about love, you really are talking about honoring one another and helping each other know how important they are to you, how important they are to Jesus. I was uh uh checking uh just so I could try to kind of sound smart today. I was looking at the Greek word

Brad:
When you say Greek, you just sound smarter. It's like I was in the Greek.

Doug:
I was I was j I was just in my Greek dictionary. I like it. You know?

And I looked up the word encourage. It's it's actually I don't think I really don't think I'm pronouncing this right, but it's oikodome And it literally means to build up. Um and the Hebrew word hazak is to strengthen.

That's not surprising. But I thought this was interesting. It also means to repair something.

And some of us Might be in a marriage right now, a relationship that is just cranking along and things are great. You might be in a time of real challenge. in your marriage, in your relationship right now.

Um, the good news is encouragement, honoring through encouragement Can not only be a great builder-upper for a marriage that's already doing well, but it can even, yes, have the spiritual power to heal things that maybe have been long hurting.

Brad:
Yeah, and I I like if for those who are wondering, okay, what does honor mean? What does to honor mean? It I love this quote from Gary Smalley.

He said, honor is the decision we make. The decision we so we're choosing to honor someone to place high value on another person. Whoa.

I love that because it really breaks down because it's like, well, how do I honor? It's your saying there's this high value and I some of these I sometimes we really like to focus on the challenges. It's really easy actually to focus on the challenge.

Man, either's this issue at home or there's this argument we had or we don't agree on this, but you know what? This is talking about placing high value. And if you're someone that is saying, we're going through a real rough patch, or you're someone that's saying, I don't know how I honor that person, Ephesians 2.

10. We are God's masterpiece. You are, and so is your spouse.

Genesis 1. 27. God created us in his own image.

We are image bearers, both you and me And your spouse, Psalm 139, 14. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We all have high value

Doug:
The question is, after your wife, your husband has spent time with you, do they feel like They are God's masterpiece. Ooh. Have you have you said things when you leave the room?

How about your kids? How about just y when you've spent time with them? Do they know that truth that they are God's masterpiece?

I was thinking it's uh I know it's important for me. Yeah, I'm a guy, you try to act macho and everything, but man, I need to hear. words of affirmation.

I need to hear words of honor. And when when Anna actually says something to me that honors me and it's really specific, especially It can keep you going for a week, man. It is just amazing.

And it's just so important that our wives, or if you're the wife, the husband, that they hear these words of affirmation from us specifically. Because just because you're married I I was thinking about this, just because uh your your wife, we've you've been married maybe for a long time, and you go, well she's got her act together, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't hear the same lies from the culture about what makes a woman valuable or beautiful. Uh how can you help her know specifically that she is God's masterpiece, that she is valuable and beautiful to you.

This is the power of encouragement

Brad:
This is actually a spiritual gift. Jesse, when we were talking the other day, it was like, well, does the Bible say something about honor? Uh and we know it does, but man, you dropped the verse on us that Can you share that?

Jesse:
It it it was fantastic. Yeah. Romans twelve ten, I believe, the second half says uh in some translations, outdo one another uh in showing honor.

Oh how many things in the Bible say, uh outdo each other in this. It's never a competition. It's always about putting the others first.

It's as it's like in this case though It's almost like it's a competition who can show each other honor more than the other person. Man, that's good. That's how that's how important it is to the kingdom of God.

Doug:
Yes. That uh that is how important it is. And so ultimately what?

It's about Our ambassadorship. We're always we're always talking on the the podcast here how how we go through life, no matter what relationship you're talking about, you are acting as Christ's ambassador. And first and foremost, you are his ambassador to your spouse.

Um, so I love Jesse, you said yesterday too, um that the end goal isn't just even just about strengthening your marriage, but about being an ambassador to your wife. I think sometimes we forget how holy. this marriage thing is.

You go through the day-to-day and it can kind of start to get to be monotonous and everything, and we forget that we are supposed to be as Christ is to the church, a husband to the wife. This is a reflection of Jesus who loved us so much to die for us and who has resurrected all the power that we have in that relationship that Our marriage is supposed to be a reflection of that. This is holy stuff.

Brad:
Jesse, I love the uh the verse. I looked it up when uh you shared it with us and it's got honor one another above yourselves. Another version, take delight in honoring each other, another version Outdo one another as you said in showing honor.

This really I I saw this phrase related to this verse that it's really and on bombardment. That you are I love that you said that we usually are supposed to put others first, but this is a competition here where it's like We're supposed to not do each other. That is fantastic.

No, you are better. No, you're better.

Doug:
Seriously. No, you're better.

Brad:
And and I love that because so many times it's even when we get that honoring or that encouragement, we feel like we have to flip and be like, no, you. And it's just like, but this is this is a it really is, as you said, Doug, a holy thing. I uh I wanted to sound smart too, so uh I'm gonna throw this out there. It's not Greek. It's not Greek, so it's not as smart.

Doug:
Or bell or something that goes off loud horn.

Brad:
This uh it's really interesting because there are challenges people have, reasons they would say, I can't do this. Hey, I don't share my feelings. You don't know how hard things have been recently.

We're not dismissing those things. But this is something the reality is we can do. And here's a reason it's important to do it.

There's something called confirmation bias. This is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of your existing beliefs or theories. So basically if you focus on the challenges as this relates to our relationships You're gonna see the evidence that backs those up.

You're gonna say, see, yeah, I knew they would do this, but if you focus on highly Valuing your spouse, if you focus on seeing their value as Jesus sees them, you're going to see more evidence to back that up. So this not only is about helping the person you're sharing. this honor with that you're saying these words to it helps them and encourages them, repairs things as you said, Doug, but it also impacts you because you start to see the world differently.

Doug:
Someone is listening to this right now and going, Man, you have no idea how much my spouse has hurt me with their words. Um and that does happen in in every marriage. Uh words we go too far.

I remember my dad when I was uh probably thirteen years old, he he brings me into his study. And if you remember, Brad, it wasn't the um It wasn't usually to say how great you're doing with your grades when you're when you got called into dad's You were in there a lot. I was in there a lot.

than anyone I know around your age, you have an amazing ability to make people feel amazing with your words. And I was like, oh thanks, Dad. And then Part two, but you also have an amazing ability to hurt people with your words.

And if you've been on the receiving end of that, from someone you love, or you've been the one doing that. You know the power of words and how words can completely deflate somebody. and hurt them, your husband, your wife, or how they can totally build them up.

Um this this iPhone, I get this new iPhone, these things are supposed to like stay charged for like nine days or something, right? This thing gets runs out of charge so fast. And um I was thinking about as I was plugging this this thing in last night.

I was thinking about, man, is it is it possible that our relationships are kind of like this? Like when you go home This is supposed to be the place where you're getting recharged, where you're getting refueled. The world beats us up so bad.

The things that we hear, we you just go out for the day. And you hear those things, they i if if they're coming home and now this is a place where they're getting even more drained and feeling like anything but a masterpiece. We gotta be praying about that because this is the power of words and honor.

Brad:
So here's the deal. When you're talking about this honor list, how do I do this? What does this look like?

We want to break this down so it's very simple for you. So it's anyone can do this, grab hold of this. What our encouragement, our action step, the ambassador step for you to take, starting now.

Is to start with three things. Now these can be the most basic things about your spouse and If you're not married, then how about your mom and dad? How about one of them to honor them?

But to come up, especially for married couples out there, with the first three things. Get out a notebook, start writing them down. Yeah.

Doug:
Start start what what are things that I really love about my wife, about my husband?

Brad:
And once you start It really will start to come more naturally as you dive into this. Here's what you need to do. Invite God, when you start this, invite God to guide your heart, your thoughts.

Ask him why he loves your spouse. why he sees them as highly valuable and honorable, because this is about seeing The one we love, the way God sees them, and saying, man, I've gotta honor this because, hey, if it's because they cook you dinner, A few times a week, if it's because they do the dishes and you don't. It could be really simple and it could be really deep. But if you will start by just getting out a notebook And three things.

I honor you because.

Doug:
And and I'd even encourage you if you're maybe starting to write some things down of um how you might want to take this honor challenge here uh I would encourage you to actually use those words, not just say, hey, I like this about you or this is cool about you, but I honor you for the way you I honor you because of how patient you are with me. I honor you that you do so much without complaining. I honor you because you encourage me to lead our family. Brad's right. You start writing these things down, the things that that you honor about the one you love, it'll snowball.

Brad:
You'll be surprised how many things you can do. Because you see them differently. You start to see that that confirmation bias.

Jesse:
Yeah, and I I find that it's awkward at first and then it gets fun. No no one does this naturally with uh parents, friends, spouse. No matter who it is, we just don't naturally go out of our way to honor something specific about a person and it feels so weird at first. And then when you start to do it It becomes almost freeing.

Doug:
What if we made a commitment to every day, one time Say something specific that we honor our wife for. We honor our husband for. I and again, you might be listening, especially as a guy, and go, well words aren't my thing Well, make it your thing.

We're giving you half the words. I honor you because. I mean We're giving you have the and and this is not simply about honor, this is also about obedience.

There is so much in God's word. Encourage one another daily. uh honor one another.

Uh it there's there's a uh scripture that says actually day by day encourage one another. Let us consider how we may spur one another on that whole idea of thinking specifics, not just I just think you're a great wife.

Brad:
But but You're pretty.

Doug:
You're pretty. And hey, that one's that one's probably a good one. But me, what if you said something like, okay, you're pretty is great, but what if you said, you know what, I love the way you do your hair? What if you said, you know what, I love the style that i i I love the way that you dress.

Brad:
Yeah, you said specific before. Yeah. And that really is key that you get specific, even if it's about a meal. Even if it's hey, not just I love that you cook me dinner. I love that you make one of my favorites that is this or whatever else to get specific.

Jesse:
You know, Doug, you mentioned the verse, spur one another on to good works. How do you do that? Well, a big part of that is addressing, Brad, you mentioned confirmation bias.

My natural sinful confirmation bias is I must be a bad parent because if my kids aren't acting the way that I think they should be, that must reflect on me and I just must be getting everything wrong. If my wife comes in and specifically addresses that by saying, Hey, I really appreciate how patient you were with our daughter today that immediately addresses that Confirmation bias. Oh, maybe that's not true.

And that spurs me on to continuing good works. I like that.

Doug:
I want to encourage you if you're listening to this, this just keeps coming back to me. as we're talking, so I feel like someone's listening that that might be struggling with this. Whether you feel like your spouse deserves to hear these words of honor because they have that's not how they've been communicating with you. Try this and see if this starts to warm up the coldness. Try this and see the kind of spiritual power God promises us through encouragement.

Brad:
I love uh the phrase that we've used a lot of times and dad has said a lot of times. Take a step, see a step. So take this step.

Take this one step. Maybe that outdo one another. Maybe that is just.

one honoring word. Maybe you guys, maybe that's not part of the relationship, but it can be. It can be, and you can start that.

Now I have a confession to make. I I love to honor Sarah. I love to get her things.

I love to uh I really love to give gifts and I also love to be able to publicly say things, especially in front of our kids that honor her. Boy, is that huge. However, this honor list, this written down one, I have not taken the time to do.

And I am saying here, you can hold me accountable, podcast listeners. I'm diving into this. Because this is important.

The more that we were talking about honor even leading up to this and getting ready for this episode. And as I was diving in and looking at the Word of God, it really hit me that I've I need to be doing this. It's simple.

It doesn't take a lot of time. And it's honestly it's just whether it's forgetfulness or laziness or whatever. Business.

Busyness. This is important. to do and in fact Doug next time I mean so we are actually going to have

Doug:
Doug's wife here, Brad's wife in here, and we are going to try to display this. We're actually going to do this for for our friends listening and for our our own marriages. We're not going to share. with our wives what we're going to share with them until they are here in front of these microphones and we're gonna hear from them. Um j how it affects them.

Brad:
Yeah, they're gonna talk about the importance of honor from their perspective, from their side of the table. So it's not just if you know, next episode isn't just, you know, Love Fest. It's not they're like, why would we tune in? That uh it's actually to show How we honor each other, how we need to, but also to hear from the lady side of things about the importance of this.

Doug:
We love giving practical steps here. Uh before we sign off here, I'm so excited for this next episode. You have to make sure you're listening.

Um, but three things real quick, if you are going to do this, if you this is And oh, I just can't encourage you enough to do this. Brad, you said it's so easy. I don't know if there's something that takes less time but that can have so much impact than than doing this, than trying this.

So real quick, if you are going to do Uh this this honor challenge as it word, uh three things real quick. I would suggest you do it regularly Make it a habit. Like we're saying, try it, maybe try it once a day.

Um number two, do it specifically. Think it through think of how we may spur one another on to good works. And finally, maybe do it privately, especially if you've got kids.

You don't don't shout it across the room.

Brad:
Um maybe get a just even if it's just a moment in the car where it's just you and her. So we we hope and pray that this has been an encouragement to you to take some practical steps in your life right away with your spouse.

Doug:
A strengthened marriage can actually affect it. Generations. Absolutely. Generations of your children and their children.

Brad:
This is really important stuff. So until next time, when we get to welcome our wives around the table with us. We just encourage you through these steps, through honoring those in your life, those that you love, that you will continue to go with