4 Ways Real Men Make Women Feel

Brad:
Welcome everyone to Go Mad with Doug and Brad. Doug, how you doing? I am so, so Good.

Wonderful. I just wanted to make sure. Jesse, how about you?

Uh five out of five. I like that. All right.

Well, today you want to make sure you stay locked in for the whole program because we're going to be talking about Four things real men make women feel. That's right. So this is we're gonna be talking about things as men of God that we can be doing to make sure that we are making sure women feel the right way, the way they're supposed to feel, as Daughters of the most high God, really.

So that is what we're doing. We are.

Doug
Even and especially, you know, this this podcast is all about being Christ's ambassador, his representative to the world, you start with your wife. Amen. You start with your kids.

And whether you're married or not, take a listen because this a lot of this is also just how men should be interacting with women if they're going about things in a Christ-like way. Yeah. Um And so there's uh this is for men and women.

Brad:
However, I'm gonna give the a warning on that though. As the ladies, uh this is a special warning. It is This is not an elbow podcast, as we call it.

This is not an elbow the person next to you as you're listening. Oh, man. So, ladies, These are things that m the men in your life should be doing and ways they should be acting, but don't elbow, you know, husband George next to you.

Doug
What about like yeah it's what about saying get your act together, pal?

Brad:
Oh You heard the guy.

Doug
So dude thing, look, I I gotta Yeah. I got a doctor checkup next week. I have one scheduled.

It's my annual. You look fine. Is that enough?

I'm gonna tell my doctor I'm not coming anymore. Cause I don't like I really I'm just not a doctor appointment guy. That well, you should you should get your exams all done, especially as we get to the ages we are.

I'm 54 and the the doctor appointments just get worse. as you get older. Longer.

They did and longer. Longer. Longer.

Doctor, why have I gained twenty pounds since my last visit? I don't get it. Is an is it an overactive thyroid?

And he said, No, Doug, it's an overactive fork. That's ice cold. I mean Doug mentioned he was gonna say that and I said just so we're doing the dad joke.

Brad:
He didn't actually say that. Did he? Moving on. He might. You know, I well I it's better than at least that's better than going to the doc and it's well I've never seen that before.

Doug
I mean that well you know more tests More poking, more scoping of um areas not always the most fun But you know, if you wanna make sure you're healthy, you gotta have an exam once in a while. Well, same thing with our spiritual life. That's kind of what today is.

Uh Paul says in 2nd Corinthians 13, examine yourself in the faith. See how you're doing. Kind of a faith checkup specifically If you're a dude, if you're a man, and you're influencing or around women, your wife, your kids.

Brad:
Uh let me say with that, Doug, the the checkup side of things. So as you're listening to this, we're gonna dive in really quick here and get to the the first of the four steps here, the four things you need to look at. But just know that uh you may be some just like when we go to the doctor, a lot of things may be fine and everything, but there's always something. There's always something where it's like I can improve on that.

Doug
That's why you always go to the state.

Brad:
Yeah, exactly. So you go back and you you check in for that checkup. So that's what we're doing today. We're checking in with the word of God so we can have a checkup. Exactly.

Doug
want to be the kind of men that their sons and daughters can look up to, that their wives can respect. Um so we go in assuming that. But as we were preparing this, I mean I've been a believer for I've been married for 30 years, a believer that whole time.

And I'm still going, uh, how are we doing there, Doug? So we I have an idea. How about this?

If we're gonna be really fair about this and ask everyone to listen to what we're saying, how about at the end of each point, there's four of them We grade ourselves on how we're doing. A to F.

Brad:
I'm sure tonight, we can just keep moving.

Doug
A plus on all of them. Thanks everybody to do that. I think that's good.

Brad:
I think that would be really good. So we'll be honest about how we would grade ourselves on these areas. Okay So of again, we're always representing Jesus and how we speak and how we act.

Doug
How are we doing? There is no greater ambassador assignment than this. Brad, Jesse, how are we doing as husbands, as men, whether we're married or not, and how we're treating women?

Ephesians 5. We're gonna get into these four real quick here. Brad's gonna jump on our first one.

But all of this is that we'll be talking about today is framed from that scripture in Ephesians 5 where it says, husbands, husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. These four things all stem from that all examples of ways Jesus loves us and leads us. And Brad, I think we're ready just to jump.

What does a real man make a woman feel, Brad?

Brad:
I'm asking you. So a real man makes. A woman is wife, the women around him feel valued and important. But how? Well It's true, of course, but how Oh, I don't know.

Doug
Oh no.

Brad:
Were we supposed to I just Just a conversation here because I I would love to learn from you guys ways I can improve even even in this one key way is by listening to her. Um, it's a uh and and that means really listening. It means taking the time.

Uh the one that sticks out to me is when we really listen to our wives when we really listen to the women in our lives. We are putting down the phone. Ooh.

We're putting down the gaming controller. And the game. And the game.

We are turning off the sports event. It's just her. It is just, it's making eye contact and it's really listening because let's face it when we sit there and we put aside the other things when we take time to really listen and engage That helps her feel valued and important.

Exactly. You you give time to things that are valuable to you. If only the word of God said something about being Quick to listen.

I don't know. I they the the the Bible says The Bible says quick to listen, slow to speak. And so when we listen, we also are slow to speak and not just respond to everything she says because sometimes I have learned oh my god I have learned folks that sometimes when Sarah says something to me she's just wanting to be able to express it I don't have to fix it.

I don't have to be the guy that's like, well let me I need to answer all the things. Hold on. I know.

I know it's crazy. I've even learned that sometimes I need to say, i do you want Do you want my help with this? So that it's so that I know because sometimes I'm not that bright.

Thank you for not amening that I appreciate that. So many things were just running through my mind.

Doug
None of them seemed to Appropriate.

Brad:
But but it is so I want to make sure that I'm getting right. Because sometimes she does want my help, sometimes she doesn't. So to ask a follow-up question Man, it goes a long way.

Doug
Yeah. The way that we're wired, sometimes, um sometimes i uh our wife or uh a woman in our life might want to um communicate more verbally like that than we're in the mood for, but that doesn't really matter because if that is what's making her feel valuable and important then that's what we do. That's what love is. Um when you're listening about her day, about things that are going on on in her life, ask for detail. Man, if you really want to make sure she's feeling valuable, ask for detail.

Brad:
Um I just I'm I'm just being Honest here. I just heard a bunch of our male listeners tense up at that thought.

Doug
Uh where they're just like, more detail? That clicking sound you heard was them turning off their computer.

Brad:
But the but It's true that when we really care, it's not just asking for more detail because it's a, well, this is what I'm supposed to do. It's asking because you care. You you're you're not just wanting them to feel valued, you're wanting to value them. And so when we value them, we want to know more about what they're sharing. The love language, man, and

Doug
A little asider, some of the worst damage done when we're trying to make our our wife feel valuable can be when all of a sudden it turns into a disagreement, an an argument. Um in Ephesians 4. 26, this is a great marriage verse.

In your anger, do not sin. You're gonna get angry sometimes, but when you're angry, you don't sin, and this can be a big one. Um, but a real man wins a heart, not an argument.

This is about loving your wife and hearing what she has to say and letting her hold up a mirror to you. Sometimes it might not feel loving, sometimes it does. Um, but we all know a disagreement quickly can become less about discovering truth and more about winning the argument.

Uh second this was interesting, second Timothy two twenty-three. It seems like one of those no-dah verses where we're like, of course, but unpack it a little, avoid foolish and ignorant arguments, knowing that they lead to quarrels Quarrels are something that lasts longer. I looked up what quarrel actually means in the dictionary, and it says disagreements about minor things.

And my goodness, how many times does that Happen those arguments where you can't even remember what you were arguing about in the first place.

Brad:
Yeah, I will say that with that I actually call that the Facebook verse. Uh the uh the social media verse, the uh which the it applies everywhere, but the Do not have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, another version says. And I like that because it is So many are most of them are relative to so many things.

that we don't need to make a big deal. Uh so I I mean there's so there's a lot more we could say to r a real man makes her feel valued and important, but I think you get the idea that we have got to be able to Watch our words, open up our ears and our hearts more to what she has to say, and to be able to really that always uh Talk to us, Doug, about the uh thermostat versus the thermometer. Oh, that's a good example.

Sarah and I have different we have a different uh view of what the uh house temp should be, uh How could you possibly be cold? Yeah, I'm like, you know, all right, so we we found a happy medium, but we know that the thermostat is the thing that uh sets the temperature whereas the thermometer reflects the temperature. Are you gonna be the thermostat in your home with your wife where you are setting the temperature and making sure that It's setting the temperature for how you listen, for how you respond, for not having angry words, um, and uh yeah, just being able to communicate in a very clear way.

Doug
It can be setting the temperature at peace or stress, the temperature of gentleness Or harshness, connection, or distance. I feel like it's test time. All right.

Right now. Jesse, on uh let's see here. You're starting.

Four things real men make women feel. A real man makes her feel valued and important. Jesse A to F buddy.

Where where you at night? B

Brad:
Okay.

Doug
Oh that's that's good. Minus good minus.

Brad:
Oh okay. All right. That's okay.

I was actually uh uh going back and forth between B and B minus. I'm gonna go B right now because uh the main thing uh that is something that I need to be careful with is the phone. Um is not because it's mostly, you know, that buzz and everything else.

So it's not just setting it down. But for me, it's also putting it away or putting it on do not disturb even so that I'm not distracted by the buzzing and everything else. So I'd I'm still definitely working in that area, but um I would go B. I was gonna give myself an A.

Doug
And then you had to bring up the phone. The whole phone thing. So I'm I'm knocking myself down to a B for that.

You can go B plus. I mean if you feel you're doing I mean, you know Tell you what let's call let's call our wives right now and see what they think. Actually let's not Sorry, my phone's on Do Not Disturb.

Hey, here's the second thing. Yep. Uh that uh a man is gonna make a woman feel.

It makes her feel safe. Proverbs 14, 26. This is listen to this.

This is interesting. Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress. and for their children it will be a refuge.

This is telling me that a man who has established a place of safety for his wife, for his family has done a great thing. We might I I I'm gonna go as far as I don't think anyone listening to this is probably physically harming their wife. But you know, even a loud roar of emotion or anger um at the wrong spot can feel.

like a physical assault. Um so we make our uh the the women we love uh we we make them feel safe emotionally spiritually safe from gossip Husb we mentioned this earlier. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.

The cross made us eternally safe. So we're making the women we love feel safe. We're making them feel safe from feeling threatened by the over photoshopped, underdressed women that we see all through our culture.

You're never comparing her to anyone or or even that she would have the hint that you're comparing her to anyone. She's safe from the little texts From opposite sex coworkers that can so easily become something bigger and dis and destructive. Job Job 31, 1.

I quote this scripture with my boys and my sons all the time. I have made a covenant with my eyes to look un no evil thing. She knows you only have eyes for her.

And it i if you think that scripture, um uh I've made a covenant with my eyes. It's almost funny. It's like, hey I where do you think you're going?

Just stop looking over there. Come back here I I was at uh a lunch just a couple days ago and talking about movies with uh uh a friend and I he he brought up the movie Oppenheimer. He asked me I've I've seen it.

I said, you know, that movie has so many moments that um that I can't let my eyes be a part of. Uh you know, great acting and everything, but I said and this kind of surprised him and and he asked, What does that mean? I said, I only have eyes for my wife.

So a lot of times I can't watch stuff like that.

Brad:
Doug, with what you're sharing as far as just kind of whether it's messaging or the things we're looking at, the movies we're watching. just I will set before my eyes no vile thing. That's I w when you look at that word vile, it's just like man, it vulgar whatever it is, it doesn't take us long to figure find vile stuff in the world So to be able to just have safeguards around that, I think it's important to take those steps.

Doug
Sometimes some of these things might sound extreme. I I I had a friend who literally destroyed his iPhone. I don't know I uh who's who's willing to go that far, but the bottom line is was it kept distracting him from his wife and from looking only at her.

Uh Proverbs 518, real quick. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. I actually have a photo over our bed.

Uh someone snapped a picture of of Anna and I holding hands and they they uh blew it up uh really big and just wrote that on the bottom, rejoice it. In the wife of your youth. And you know, the rest of it goes to say, let her body basically satisfy you.

It it's a choice. Let

Brad:
Her body satisfy you. Doug, the one other thing I would add to just making her feel safe is to have a culture of grace. In the home.

And that's so good. The things that just hit me was that when we have a culture of grace, when we respond the way that Jesus responds to us. When he because we look again, you said Ephesians 5, when we're looking at that, that we are, we feel safe in Christ.

We know that he is there to love us. Yes, he'll hold us accountable for things. And there we he will confront us on things, but he still does that with grace and truth.

And so when we have this culture of grace, we have understanding and not attacking. We have building and not blaming And we have speaking life. I put this one on, not sighing loudly.

So when there's that, when something happens, when there's a mistake, when when you don't agree with someone that's not the And then you walk away, it's finding where can you speak life into your spouse? Where can you speak life into that situation

Doug
I love that. Culture. That's what it is day in, day out.

Brad:
So do we have to grade ourselves now and then we go?

Doug
Okay. All right. Just because I'm going to say I have been so serious about this.

It's it's kind of weird grading ourselves, I guess. But but uh I I let's be transparent here. Yep.

I'm gonna I'll go A on this because um I've just taken steps to make absolutely sure that my wife not only knows that I love her, but I only have eyes for her. Some of these are are are quiet things just between her and I Um, but uh I pray that that when she listens to this, she'll say, Yeah, you're doing a good job with that. I hope I I pray I'm making her feel sick.

Brad:
Jesse, how about you?

Jesse:
Well, I I'll go I'll go B plus because you know there's sins of commission and sins of omission, and so while I can't think of anything uh that we've talked about that I'm doing to make her feel unsafe, I can probably think of a few areas where I go, I don't think I'm doing all I could do in those

Doug
areas. A is just excellent. A plus is perfect. I'm gonna go I know Jesse.

Brad:
I'm gonna give Jesse an A. I know. I do Jack. I know him.

I'm gonna go with um This is just based mostly on things Sarah has said, including on a podcast she spin on everything and and would she shares kind of our story. I'm gonna go A A minus. She would probably say A if she were sitting here.

I'd probably go A minus because there's a couple things that uh come to mind for me, but so right in that area.

Doug
By the way, gentlemen, as you're listening, uh as you're grading yourself on this, remember that your kids, your sons, are watching. How you treat your wife and will treat their wives. We're not calling them to ask how they're grading these two, are we?

Actually, that would be fascinating. That's the next episode. So we've got we've got uh four way four things real men make women feel.

Um here's the third one. Uh makes her feel empowered. Let me tell you what I mean by that.

I I just looked this up online, and apparently my beliefs land in the complementarian Realm. Wow. I am apparently a complimentarian.

Now I knew that, but I thought it was just constantly giving and receiving compliments. That's de that definitely fits. I think that's right.

But I'm gonna I'm gonna look this up here here on the phone because I liked this uh I liked this. So A complementarian simply means that husbands and wives embrace roles, get this, that are intrinsically equal in worth. So roles that are equal in worth and value, but distinct and unique in design, role, and function.

Isn't that good? That is. One isn't better than the other.

They complete or complement each other. Um Look, I'm just gonna be straight here. Some guys use the Bible to excuse being a bully with their wives, maybe their daughters, with with women.

And yeah, there are biblical roles in marriage. Um, but we're talking about leadership here versus dictatorship sometimes A husband, a father should be leading the family spiritually. I completely believe that there are different rules and that and that a husband's job is to lead their family and the wife like Jesus.

leads the church. Like Jesus that yeah. Like J exactly.

So but when a marriage is healthy, a husband is providing leadership. Like I said, not a dictatorship. You look at Proverbs 31.

I'm not gonna go through all of the amazing things that that um a woman uh who who is a Proverbs 31 woman, all of the things that she's good at, but there's an awful lot of gifting there So the ideal woman isn't some scared person cowering in a corner. A real man is encouraging and providing opportunities for his wife to exercise, to use her gifts. Look, strong men shouldn't be intimidated by strong women.

I read I read Proverbs 31 and and we're not talking about uh feminism, we're not talking about all that stuff. Forget all those words right now. I'm just talking about submit to one another in love.

Um, and be the kind of man that isn't threatened by his wife exercising and using her gifts. Be the guy that encourages her all the time to do that. Make her feel empowered.

Brad:
The thing that hits me is that as men of God We are supposed to be helping our wives not be more like we expect them to be, but who God wants them. Oh, that's good. And so when we do that right, we are helping foster, encourage, lead, and shepherd, yes. but to lead them and shepherd them into the way that God wants them to be living and and the gifts that He's given them how to actually use those as part of the body of Christ.

Doug
Are you ready for this? I'm about to do a jump back Wow. To the first point.

Oh. To show I've been listening. I'm going to prove this right now.

If you're going to help her become the person God has planned, the person that God wants her to be, it's gonna take some real listening. Oh what are her? They work together.

Jay I I gotta hear what Jesse says on this one. Sorry buddy. You have you have thoughts here?

You're good at these things. I've seen you in action as a husband, and so I want to know what you think.

Jesse:
I was ready to give myself a C. Oh, I was just wow. I was so ready.

Doug
But you're too hard on yourself, man Maybe so.

Jesse:
Maybe so. No, sorry. I just that I don't feel like that. I just I I uh I just feel the the longer I'm I'm married the more I feel the difficulty of leading to uh encourage to help to strengthen um as opposed to either not leading and hoping that um my wife just like finds her own way or Leading and being like, well, it's my way or the highway. Leading to serve her is uh I I that is a um a conundrum that I am just still working on.

Doug
Well all all I will say is the fact that you give yourself a C plus probably means that you're more like a B plus because you care so much about it. I'll I'm gonna give myself a B, a B minus here. I think I miss a lot of opportunities, too many opportunities.

Brad:
Uh but I'm sure gonna be looking for more of 'em. I think I'll probably go B B plus on this one. That's uh where I I I think I would land.

I really need to ask Sarah on these things now. I I know I mean like I want to. I want to clean this episode and ask me.

So number four, what you got, Brad? The fourth thing. A real man makes her feel like she is first.

Oh, that's good. She she is around you, she talks with you, she spends time with you. Does she feel like she is Your queen, like she is the the first thing in your life that you are coming home and not plopping down on the couch, but you are uh Yeah, where you're saying, Hey, bring me I need this, but What's for dinner?

It is you're going home and and taking time intentionally in those first few moments, maybe not right when you walk in the door and you're setting stuff down, but to Because going back to the first one, you want to actually listen, not just not just do this because we're saying do it or whatever, but because you care about or saying how was your day before you start unloading, inventing on everything that happened. With you at your job, whatever else, how was your day? Whether she's working a job, whether she's taking care of the kids at home, if she's homeschooling, whatever she might have done with her day, ask her how her day was and and lead with that

Doug
There's a famous uh saying out there and it's so famous that I don't remember who said it. But but it was talking about this. He said, Many times a man comes home like a spoiled king Um, lots of times we come home from work, expect to be waited on.

She's had a big day too, like you just said. Yeah. Whether it's at the office or the school with kids.

Yeah, you you come home and you're just like, wait till you hear all the awesome things. And this is good to share these things. Wait till you hear all these awesome things.

There were like 400 men chanting my name, and she's like Ah, the toilet's not working. Uh yeah, but uh Charlie was throwing up all day. Um so I i my dad, real quick, he he talked about the discipline of closing his briefcase.

on the way home. Lord, where was my family emotionally? Where was my wife Karen when I left her this morning?

What were her plans? What was on her mind? So kind of getting back in that mode.

And I'll bet you if you do that right, she's gonna come right back and ask about the high points of your day too.

Brad:
You know what? I the uh for those that are listening that are under the age of forty, a briefcase is it was this thing that you'd put papers in and paper okay we won't go to I so but it is true the briefcase model works but I'm gonna go back to and I know People probably tune out when I say this, but the phone. The phone is kind of the modern day briefcase because all my files are on there.

Doug
I can look up You're getting me today.

Brad:
I mean I can look up good text so right. And I can look up emails and I can look up Word documents on my phone. And there's always a reason.

There's always all there's an important work thing. I've got a big text coming in. So I am I'm going to move into grading myself on this.

Is that okay? Because it ties together I don't do that enough. I don't I'm I'm saying these things.

Yes, yes. I that it and I'm saying these things that because Because people can you can always be on call. And every time you answer that text, every time you answer that email, because it's come in and you're responding right away, what it says to others Oh man, I'm just processing this as I'm saying it.

What it says to others is you're available to them. What it says to your wife is you're not available to her in that moment. Oh because you're taking time saying this urgent thing has taken priority over you.

And so I'm gonna go honestly, I'm probably going C plus on this. This is because I I help her feel I I put her first in a lot of things, but this is an area that I'm probably weakest in and I need to be better.

Doug
This is the second time your phone wisdom has made my grade go down. As as I'm sitting as I'm sitting across from you. I am gonna go with C because um because you're right.

I I can think of too many times in the last week even that I've done that. And I always always a reason. There's always an excuse.

Yeah, sometimes it it's gonna be urgent enough where you have to have to pick up your phone. But man, 99. 9% of the time it's not and you are communicating value and importance to that stupid electronic thing.

Brad:
Because guess what? We used to function without them. So I'm going C. So that's urgent.

Doug
No, I think I might drop from C plus.

Brad:
Because you say that and it's like that urgent thing Used to have to pick up a phone and do that rotary dial thing. So power the it's a page to get you doesn't mean they have to get you I at that time. Jesse, what you got, man?

Jesse:
What's your grade? Uh I think I'll go I think I'll go to B on this one. And again, not because of the things that I do, but the things I don't do. For instance, I know my wife loves holidays and celebrating those holidays and and having family traditions and that's just not my natural bent and so I'm I'm I'm prone to just let it go, even though I know it it's meaningful to her.

Doug
So Well, we hope this has been helpful. Y'all we love talking about God's word, how we can be better ambassadors. representatives of Jesus.

Four things real men make women feel. Pray about this. Uh hey, if you like the podcast, would you share it with somebody?

Would you uh give it a a wonderful we've been grading ourselves. Hey, give us a great grade, a great rating. wherever you listen to your podcast and we're looking forward to seeing you next time.

Doug:
So until next time, go mad