Friday, August 17, 2012
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As married people, it's been sometimes amusing to watch the little "soap operas" of teenage romances that have gone on in our family. And, you know, we would watch knowingly, as young couples would go through the same struggles we did trying to figure out the opposite sex and what is love all about? Every once in a while, those young romances become a mirror, and some of us veterans learn something about how our older romances should be.
I've worked with a lot of young people over the years, and I heard a conversation between two teenagers; they were seniors in high school. They were dating each other pretty seriously. And the guy was reflecting on some of their past "discussions." And when he brought it up, well, he got a very somber expression on his face and a tone in his voice, because when his girlfriend would say, "It's time for us to have a "discussion," he ended up getting dumped on a whole lot! I thought he had a great quote. He said, "I'd rather have you throw a little sand on me than to be 'cinder blocked' all at once." You know what? A lot of guys feel that way.
I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "No Cinder Blocks Please."
Well, I love Ephesians 4-6. They contain this practical, do-able, down-to-earth Christianity. Chapter 4 describes what's new about a follower of Christ, and then it spotlights two arenas where this lifestyle needs to show up first: in your family and in your workplace.
Okay, our word for today from the Word of God is in Ephesians 4:26-27, "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Two verses later, Paul was talking about marriage, which is perhaps the primary place to make sure the sun does not go down on your anger.
Now, both men and women have a tendency to postpone confrontation. But for today, let's look at the woman's temptation to let too many sundowns go by. That's what that teenage guy was expressing. He's saying, "Throw some sand on me; don't 'cinder block' me. Give me smaller doses of frustration to deal with."
I think a woman's emotional pattern might be like this: She gets hurt, or she's anxious, or she feels unheard or misunderstood. And she says, "Well, I don't want to bother my man; he's already carrying so much." And then she internalizes it. Pretty soon there's a pile of unexpressed wounds, unexpressed frustration, and then comes the avalanche that buries them both. She said, "I don't want to bother him." Well, she's going to bother him. You bet! Only by then it will be too big to deal with.
Guys bury it; the woman probably hasn't said it well or she hasn't been heard thoroughly. He's been "cinder blocked." A woman cannot let her wounds accumulate. Share them while they're small. If your man's already buried, maybe a brief postponement might be the caring thing. But then just set a time when you can talk about it when it won't be so tough for him.
And here's an important word for us guys. Don't wait until it's a crisis to give her your attention. She may be letting it build up, because she can't find a way into your life, you're so busy. You've always got something else to do other than listen to her. Listen to her needs; listen to her heart; listen to those frustrations and problems when they're small, when they're manageable; listen to her whispers, not just to her screams.
See, life's tensions were meant to be handled in bite-size chunks. Twenty-four-hour little sand piles are much less damaging than cinder blocks.