Monday, April 17, 2017
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I guess TV talk shows run out of material sometimes. You can tell when they're desperate. But one day I guess I turned on some talk show that demonstrates my point. They had four women on the show who were, let's say, average looking - which is what most everybody is. But they sent them backstage for a while to give them what's called a makeover. I guess that woman puts herself into someone else's hands - someone who can skillfully change her eye makeup, her coloring, her lipstick, her hairstyle, and her wardrobe. And voila - out comes this no-longer plain-looking lady. The difference can be amazing! Funniest thing, though, I've never heard of them giving a man a makeover. I guess they do; I've never heard of it. Although, I'll tell you what, a lot of us could really use one.
I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Giving A Man A Makeover."
Men aren't easy to make over. No, as you have probably never noticed, a man can be pretty stubborn about changing. If you're a woman, my guess is that there's a man in your life who could use a little work...right? Not necessarily physically. He wouldn't look that good in mascara anyway. I'm talking about a change in his personality, his communication, his spiritual leadership, his attitudes, his bad habits. How do you give a man a makeover?
Our word for today from the Word of God - Titus 2:4-5. It's in God's instructions to older women on what they should pass on to the younger women they know. Here's what it says, "Train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God."
Notice the first thing the veterans are to teach the rookies - to "love their husbands" - not to change their husbands. I like what Billy Graham's wife Ruth has said, "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to change him." Actually, that principle applies to any significant male in your life - a son, a father, or a brother. Let God change him.
You say, "Yeah, but what do I do to get him to change?" Love the guy! A woman is a powerful force in changing a man if she has made that man feel safe in her love. As self-assured as we may try to act, we guys are basically insecure little boys inside. And a man's usually not going to risk changing - and risk is what it is to change - until he feels like there's a woman who will love him whether he changes or not.
Unfortunately, a lot of women want to give God a little help in reconstructing the old boy. So she brings out her hammer and chisel - nagging him to change, pushing, criticizing, attacking, or putting him down. She's making the guy her personal makeover project, "I'll change him." Not likely. Oh, I understand how men can be frustrating and stubborn and harsh, and don't talk, and don't communicate, and don't express. Oh, I understand the frustrations, but those tools - the hammer and chisel - just won't change him.
All those pushing tactics make a man feel cornered, attacked, less secure and therefore, less likely to change. You might very well ask then, "If nagging and pushing doesn't change him, what will?" Loving him and making him feel safe by loving him in his language of love.
Like praising his strengths often; complimenting even a little progress in an area where he's trying to change, holding your tongue when it's going to tear him down, sharing gently your feelings when you're frustrated, not his failings. Let that man know how much you need him. And, above all, talk to God about this man. He is not only the Creator, He's the Re-Creator.
On these visits we talk to men a lot about their responsibility. But you know what? This is God's instruction to women as He includes it in His Word. Important question: Does the man you want to be different feel safe in your love? Does he feel appreciated by you? I hope he does.
The makeover is God's job. Your job is to provide the climate where a man might dare to change. I know what that climate is - unconditional love.