I guess those TV talk shows must run out of material sometimes. You can tell they're desperate. I hardly ever see them, but one day not long ago I turned on some talk show that demonstrates my point. They had four women on the show who were - lets say, average looking. But they sent them backstage for a while to get what's called a makeover. That woman puts herself into someone else's hands - someone who can skillfully change her eye makeup, her coloring, her lipstick, her hairstyle, her wardrobe. And voila - out comes this no-longer-just-average-looking person. The difference can be amazing. Funniest thing, though - I've never heard of them giving a man a makeover. Although some of us could really use one.
Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You about "Giving A Man A Makeover."
Men aren't easy to make over - as you have probably never noticed, a man can be pretty stubborn about changing. If you're a woman, my guess is that there's a man in your life who could use a little work. Not necessarily physically - he wouldn't look that good in mascara anyway. I'm talking about a change in his personality, his communication, his spiritual leadership, his attitudes or bad habits. So how do you give a man a makeover?
Our word for today from the Word of God, Titus 2:4-5. It's in God's instructions to older women - on what they should pass on to the younger women they know. "Train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God."
Notice the first thing the veterans are to teach the rookies - to "love their husbands" - not to change their husbands." I like what Billy Graham's wife Ruth says about this - "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to change him." Actually, that principle applies to any significant male in your life - a son, a father, a brother. Let God change him.
You say, "Yeah, but what do I do to get him to change?" Love the guy! A woman is a powerful force in changing a man - if she has made that man feel safe in her love. As tough and self-assured as we may try to act, we men are basically insecure little boys inside. And a man will usually not risk changing - and risk is what it is - until he feels like there's a woman who will love him whether he changes or not.
Unfortunately, a lot of women want to give God a little help in reconstructing the old boy. So she brings out her hammer and chisel - nagging him to change, pushing, criticizing, attacking, putting him down. She's making this guy her personal makeover project - "I'll change him." Not likely.
All those push tactics make him feel cornered, attacked - less secure and therefore, less likely to change. You might very well ask, "If nagging and pushing doesn't change him, what will?" Loving him in a man's language of love. Like praising his strengths often, complimenting even the smallest progress in an area where he needs to change, holding your tongue when it's going to tear him down, sharing gently your feelings when you're frustrated, not his failings. Let that man know how much you need him. And, above all, talk to God about this man. He is not only the Creator - He's the Re-Creator.
Important question - Does the man you want to be different feel safe in your love? Does he feel appreciated by you? I hope he does. The makeover is God's job. Your job is to provide the climate where a man might dare to change - a climate of unconditional love.